 So yeah, so thanks for having me cool. Yeah, I didn't even know it rolling, but awesome man Yeah, thanks. Also. Thanks for helping me promote the event. Yeah, you Nick We're actually one of the biggest helps this year. Believe it or not You guys really stuck it out even though it was only a few times. It was massive every time. So cool. Yeah, awesome It's awesome. Thanks. I don't want to take away. Yeah, so I am gonna read a little bit off the black bear here a lot Nick with the iPhone, but Again, thanks everybody for coming out. I'll try to make this as like informative as possible Here's sort of what I'm gonna be talking about today is just a five-minute background myself Go into a little bit of high-level stuff about like the way I think about like being a man And then I'm gonna talk about some techniques and then I'm gonna talk about being a man again And just to give you all some context I turned 30 in mid-August So is there anybody in the room older than me? One two three four five. Awesome. Cheers guys But there are some people here who are younger than me and I think The big thing that I've learned over the years. So to give you some background to how I got into this. I Dropped out of college 20 started software company and one of my employees found the community and He discovered juggler you may or may not know their name if you read the game and So juggler was in Michigan I got introduced to him and we started the business together called Chris Marks and We kind of blew that up. We got real big and then in 2006 I moved to New York He and I didn't really see eye-to-eye and what we were doing and we bounced split public paths and Two years later. I started what's called a social man, and we've had the opportunity to connect with some really amazing people You know these guys most most geographically located here But but also just like I don't know a bunch of people in the back. I did an interview with the Donis back there Nick what time are you talking tomorrow? Oh Yeah, yeah, so we just talked with him regarding reason why if you guys have a DVD in your hand We just like spent six months doing this program called on break a little bit For me the biggest issue going through this stuff like his charisma arts had some really good stuff And then you guys read like juggler stuff Okay, so yeah, cool. All right, so it was really good stuff, but there were a lot of questions that I felt were unanswered in terms of like Where your instincts really drive your conversations and I always like did okay with girls in Like when I met them, but I had a really hard time when I actually had to go out and pick them up And there was this level of like situational confidence that I like really really lacked And that would be going into a bar. I feel like real nervous like clam up You know get weird about stuff and probably creep some girls out It took me a long time to figure this stuff out now it is we're running boot camps every two weeks We're like real happy Nick and I both had active social lives as you can see from Nick He's like Nick kind of knows what he's doing and so I'm real happy to be working with him But in terms of again, you know kind of where I am right now what I want to talk to you about today More about like at least the start kind of like where we all are together and collectively in this room And there's this guy back in New York And it kind of alluded to this we're both from Manhattan and we kind of party with some interesting people We go out these like wild trees and nightclub scenes and you get some real cool people and you get some like vampires There as well, and there's a particular guy in mind He is about 32. He's total coke fiend He is a vampire and he's got all sorts of other Very positive and eating personality traits he Made himself sort of fixtures at our apartment as a result of certain girls who we were hanging out with and he would come along He would kind of he's very good at like buttering people up making the girls feel good about themselves and like just you know Telling them all the things they wanted to hear and there's one day. Well, he knows about what I do There's one day. I threw him out of our apartment because he's Not a good person and I'm his way out. He told me, you know what dude? You're the king of the losers and you always will be he's referring to my job and what I'm doing in all of us in this room right now and Of all the things that anybody's ever said to me about this profession which it has become for myself and for Nick We do this non-stop every day all day That was the most offensive and it was most unfortunate considering the source it came from a 32-year-old Baroque ass coke addicts who like just bounces around from party to party party and Kind of you know gets by merely on the fact that he flatters a hot new hot girl every like six months to managers to get into her Good graces and it really made me think about this though because it's like, you know I was supposed to be a lawyer when I grew up and And I'm doing this and it was like well, is this a is this an honorable profession? Is this an honorable thing that we are all doing together sitting here trying to figure out and The answer to my mind is yes. I'm gonna tell you why that is a moment but it also got me thinking about what is a winner and what is a loser and I spent some time kind of writing this down You know, it's like we've all been presented with a challenge and and I have no difference I think that anybody in here in the sense that you know, there was a point in my life where I said I'm not getting what I want with women in my life and I don't think there's anybody here except for perhaps Erica who can't say the same, but I don't know about you So I don't want to judge But you know, the point is we're either not getting what we want or we want more and When that's a situation with which you're confronted in life Whether it be in work or in your personal life or spiritually or what have you There's two paths that you can take the first path is of course, you know I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna do everything I can and try to improve myself or the second path is I'm going to put myself into the Lowest resistance situation as possible. I'm going to try to skate by I'm gonna do the least work possible To not have to feel any pain and that's exactly what this guy back in Back in New York does he tries to do the least work possible to skate by with his fucking life and feel no pain That's why he drugs himself up That's why pop some party the party the party as you can tell I'm not a big fan of this person But I think he reflects the exact opposite of what everybody in here is he to my my lax virtue And he's a loser to me a loser is a man who takes what he can get in life Who does the least work who just fucking floats by and a winner is a man who refuses to accept his situation And who does something about it? And so I want to say thank you not just trying to butter you guys up I really want you to internalize this and I want you to feel this Thank you for all of you for being here and for coming out for Anthony a dream. Sorry and for You know for listening to all of us. There's people laptops. I mean like that's some that's some work right there You're not just like chilling, you know There's people taking notes. So again, thank you to all of you for like actually putting in the work One of one of the biggest leaps that I've personally had to make because again I didn't intend to be in this community to be studying all this material as I have and now just speaking to One of the biggest leaps I had to make was legitimizing this to myself and was to say like, you know This is something that I can not only not hide behind but actually lead with in my own life So I tell all my friends about what I do they see my website There's certain things that I write about that are kind of hidden behind, you know Certain closed doors because I don't want every girl in my life to know about them But I lead with what I do and I'm very proud of it And I'm very proud of all of us here for like taking this step and saying that we are not happy with where we are or We want it better and then we're going to do something about it and that Ducktales very well into a man's journey through life and in my 30 or so years on this planet I've spent a lot of time thinking about Why are we all here and maybe deeper questions than the things that brought us here immediately today in the last Maybe six months. I've been reading a lot of a stoic philosophy memoirs of Roman emperors and such Very interesting reading material, but it's really made me think about What is what is my purpose? You know, what is all of our purposes and how does picking up women fit into this because Lord knows I've spent the last four or five six years now studying this stuff and teaching it to be and It's like if you've spent four or five six years of your life and that represents maybe You know a third to a fifth of your life doing something then it's got to have some meaning for you Who here has been doing this for more than like a year just out of curiosity Okay, so the fair number and there's a fair number who are fairly new and I hope you don't But for me this really became about a lot more than picking up girls and meeting girls I'm going to get back to that material in a second, but I want to start by talking about this So when I think about a man's journey through life I think about three sort of macro areas that he has to work through and the first one is His personal life. Okay, and that's what we're all here for we're all trying to make our personal lives better No one's here listening to Fran talk about wealth management or listening to this is David by the way He's fucking awesome listening to David talk about how to find God. That's not why we're here We're here because we're talking about our personal lives and in your personal lives There's a whole lot of things that you need to get right and I spent a lot of my 20s Messing up things in my personal life not for lack of Not for lack of bad guidance, but just because I'm very stubborn and it takes me a long time So, you know what goes into mastery and contentment of your personal life I think one of the most important things is finding out who you are finding out what you guys are finding out what you want and will accept out of people what you won't and You know this really goes into how you interact with women one of the hardest things for me to do Nick kind of joked about that whole, you know So Nick kind of joked about like the whole like dating models thing and frankly that was something that for a while That's very very important to me And I chased that when I got to New York I like chased that and I chased this whole notion of like dating models and surrounding myself with beautiful girls and That was my values. That was like what I wanted for myself and In one way it was awesome And I would never not want that to have happened before but another way like it was a little bit silly And so finding through dating women through experiencing who these people are finding who I was was a big test for myself And the closer that you get to people the more that you learn about yourself I hope I'm not putting people to sleep here. This is deeper stuff You know another issue that maybe we've all struggled with is the lessons that our fathers taught us I don't know. I don't want to presume anything about the relationships that you all had with your fathers Mine is one of the finest specimens of a human being that I could ever imagine and did everything his power to Inclimate certain values in me. It's to be a good person The challenge that I think many of us faced growing up is that our fathers were doing the best they could to put bread on our table and to provide something for our family and We're not able to deal with some of the cultural changes that have swept through America You know maybe through Europe that's really through the world in the last 15 20 years with respect to how people communicate with each other respect male female sexual dynamics and As we are now men and entering, you know this new age where all this information is available to us We realize women have advanced a long way You know in the last 30 40 years and the values that our fathers grew up with as children And they brought into adulthood and they taught us are not the same values necessarily that we need to continue on as men or at the very least They were not able Culturally to provide us with context and the understanding what we're dealing with in lower school in middle school Etc. Etc. Because they were doing a good job being the men that they thought they needed to be and You know, that's that's a difficult thing to to sort of wrestle with is growing up and finding these models masculinity in our lives And that's why I think many many of us have reached out to movies like fight club What are some other ones oceans 11 is a great movie of male archetypes? There's another with 300. I mean if anybody in this room thought 300 was anything less than a Awesome awesome movie about how awesome it is to be a man. I'd be shocked So, you know, we've looked for these things because maybe we haven't found them as close to home as we've wanted And so now we're all here today trying to figure out, you know, how do we find this in our lives? And then we move on because we find out a little bit about who we are and try to enjoy our single lives as much as possible For me the last three four or five years of living in New York have been at the peril of my financial and business Success but have been a whirlwind of personal success and I surrounded myself with incredibly beautiful people I went out. I had these vampires around me as I described them. I went to these crazy night clubs I partied in places that I you know, sort of dreamed about in ways that I only thought existed in like music videos And that was an important thing for me to enjoy and to a certain degree I'm still enjoying my single life as best as possible. I had three dates this week leading up to this Before we left today So I'm really trying to make the most of my single life as a man in his 20s And as Nick sort of said with probably a little more energy than I have right now Just fucking do it and that's such an important part of this journey of getting our single life In fact, I would say if you're anything like me that getting this part of your life handled is Probably something that has to happen before you can achieve any sort of freedom in your professional life or Freedom in your spiritual life or really breakthroughs because I know for me. So I mentioned I started a software company at 20 I was making a fair amount of money at that time. I was working my ass off I had every trafficking success like you could really imagine, but I was so unhappy with my personal life and I had so much I had to prove to myself and That infected my ability to really be successful in business and to really give myself a hundred percent of that business And if you look at any relationship in life, whether be your relationship with a woman You just met at a bar Talking about earlier a relationship with a woman who you've been dating for five years a relationship with your business your boss If you're spiritual God That is the best you can do is to give to that And if you are unable to do that because something else is dragging you away because it's focusing your attention elsewhere Which it certainly was for me in my personal life in the pursuit of women Then it really infects your ability to have success in those other areas of your life So enjoying your single life and getting those kicks out of your system and doing whatever you need to do as Nick said whether it be keg stands or You know your period of craziness You know, whatever you do to enjoy it is something that I think a lot of us have to go through whether that happens at 15 or 30 Ask a man who's going through a midlife crisis at 40. What's really going on? I'll tell you there's a part of my life that I didn't live out around 20 years old And that's why they go out and they go to sports cars So that's really big important part of it another big important part of your personal life is managing your finances And as somebody who managed my finances at my own peril for a very long time because I was out chasing girls Throwing money at various like, you know bottle services when I would go out to night clubs buying those clothes and I really couldn't afford them all for the sake of Trying to be more attractive to the opposite sex because I needed to solve this problem in my personal life I wasn't managing my finances properly and that really held me back as I started to get closer to women I started to develop more serious relationships that really held me back from any sort of longevity that I can try Um And again, you guys have comments or like whatever's you know pop in there's a mic right there And you know so the next part of this evolution our personal lives What is it in my mind is love and I kind of alluded to this earlier It's the ability to be very open with yourself and to love something or someone without reserve and I'm reading a Reading a book right now. I thought this was just the absolutely most poetic beautiful way to put this is You know love is openness and acceptance of yourself and another and Every bliss achieved together as a masterpiece and specifically what this author was referring to is the sexual relationship Two people coming together and if any of you have ever experienced true love and sexual love and two people coming together It's not just what fucking but it's true intimacy. It's true passion Like that is nothing more than surrender and the only way that you're really able to surrender yourself to a person Is if you feel comfortable opening yourself up and showing them who you really are and Again, I don't know what all of you have been through. I've got some scars in my life I've been through some tough things professionally personally and it has at various points but very hard for me to open myself up to people even Solving some of these things is important path Long-term building a family and leaving a legacy for people and again, whatever your personal goals are whatever values you find I know that in my path is eventually a family and I want my value to my personal values of things that I've learned through my life to be something that I share with them and The very important thing here is I never want to be that grandpa who says back in my day We did it like this because I think that life and everything that we're doing right here and everything you will continue to do from this day forward It's all about continuing to learn about what is important and relevant to culture and to you and to the people around you and sharing that I've been having honest discussions about it And what I never want is to lecture to my children about this is how we did it back then and this is what was right And I always want to say what's right for you and what's going on in the world And let's see how we can take that and make it work against everything else that I've learned and that's really the journey of your personal life and This is something that you're not thinking about it. You're not on it if this is Did this is really just a little part of it? But solving this piece getting this girl situation handled is so incredibly critical because If you're like maybe some clients who we've worked with If you're like me to certain points, then you really couldn't think about anything else until this becomes a very vicious cycle So I don't want to talk about business too much, but I would just say that I've started a bunch of companies now I've been starting companies since I was 16 years old and more than a Social coach or anything that would put me up here. I consider myself an entrepreneur So I will just mention this briefly which is the things that I would say are important to discover in business and in your professional life, whether that be in academia or in software or biotech or you know sales are discovering your strengths and gifts and What I discovered are my strengths and gifts are a little bit different than Nick's strengths and gifts They're a little bit different than David's I try to leverage them as much as possible and one of the things that I love about working with Nick you can see his enthusiasm you can see his passion and The way that you know and we're not it. We're not there's no longevity in this per se in the sense that I don't think I'm gonna Let me make sure I say that right. I don't think I'm gonna you know be holding your hand on my deathbed but we have sort of a business relationship that recognizes each of each other's mutual strengths and That you know, I'm able to say look at this guy. He's doing amazing things He's so good at what he does and I try to get at what I do and just discovering what I'm good at And discovering other people around me who are good at what they do is One of the most important things you start with in terms of success in business Learning how to bring those forth is another big important part of it if you are a Software programmer and maybe you have a great idea for an architecture of some system you want to build But you don't know how to communicate that properly That is a massive impediment to your growth and business and so men learning how to communicate with other people learning how to work in a collaborative environment those are massive and You know again just little little things. I've learned over the years, but you're not thinking about this Learning how to leverage those things So here's the next step right is we did to look at our business and again, I mentioned we do this day in day out The best thing we can do is not to work with one client every day for an hour a day The best thing we can do is to put a DVD program together or something that lets our voice get out there as much as possible If you're an author It's to share your gift with the world in poetry or in writing as much as possible If you are a software architect is to work at the company that is going to help get your code out there as much as possible That's not a company. Maybe that's through open source The point is whatever your gifts are whatever your gifts to give to the world create value world are Being able to leverage those as much as possible is really critical And I don't want to sidetrack too much here But I would say that we live in a society that thrives on the creation of value to me That's what capitalism is all about this world you get money when you give value to the world And we'll leave the crack dealers aside for a second because they're simply feeding in need but when you create value in the world you get it back in the form of Renumeration and if you are Really serious about what you're doing you want to get that value back And the best way you can do that is by leveraging your gifts figuring out how to get them out there as best as possible Eventually and this is sort of where I've started to go is you want to go from private enterprise and what you're doing your own personal life to public good and You know so we started for example our organization now supports a charity called safe horizon that funds shelters for victims of domestic abuse And I find that it's within our mission to help Show men that this not just women who are out at the bar who you meet who need our attention But it's women all over the place who you have never met before who suffered through all sorts of things that have closed them off I'm very close with a rape counselor who deals with women who have come in to the hospital who deal with rape and you know It's it's striking to me how I might go up to a woman at the bar and she might reject me And there's any number of reasons she could she could have rejected me because she doesn't like blonde hair Because I didn't come correct or maybe she's got some issue in her past that closes her off meeting new people and Again in our own lives what we really try to do in our professional at least is Make this bridge between what we're doing in an enterprise level and what we're doing in terms of public good And I'd only like to continue that So that's sort of the next step that I see that most people go through and then finally just like in your personal life leaving a legacy leaving a gift to people that they can grow from and Any company that you look at Steve Jobs leaves Apple. Hopefully Apple will continue on If he's left the legacy properly, they will if he hasn't trained them properly, then they'll fall The last one I want to talk about and this is something that's happened to me over the last few years If there is could be coming boring and I'm gonna get into the game stuff very shortly But this is something that's become very important to me is spirituality I grew up a Catholic and I'm no longer practicing Catholic but I'm very spiritual after some experiences of my own and Having a relationship between yourself and something higher at least for me was something that I found I needed to develop and it was something that I needed to experience beyond just going out and like It's cavalier as it sounds like beyond just going out and hooking up with models or beyond just going out and like building a business And it was something that I need to experience because I need some grounding and something that sort of had a deeper meaning to me in life and If that's something that is on your path or something you've not explored yet, then I encourage you to do so I'm sure quite a few people in this room have read Power of Now. That's you know a great place to start But you know How does this play out when you're interacting with a woman? How does this interact when you how does this play out when you're actually in a pickup or in love with a person? I really believe this In every single moment there is a depth of experience That none of us know is possible until we fully throw ourselves into it I don't want to get to again to spiritual But if I am talking to a woman, I'm not fully engaged with her. I'm not fully giving myself to her I don't know every I don't want to know every little thing about her as Fran mentioned If I'm not falling in love with her every step of the way that I'm missing out on so much about her I was just in I was just in France and I was like Running right so I go running along this like this like Oceanside trail and every single moment at every crest of the rung That's like my reward is when I'm able to get to that crest and see that beautiful horizon And feel my heart beating and know that I'm alive and know that in this moment There's something that's a lot deeper than me and that is something that has increased the happiness in my life a hundred fold More so than any experience. I had the club in New York more so than anything that came out of the money I had for building a business So these are in my mind Some of the paths the men can develop along and I don't share them with you to tell you these are what you must do That this is absolutely the right way But more than anything that there's some things you may want to consider Beyond this little realm that we're in and also contextualize this little realm that we're in You know the active picking up a woman the active meeting her and getting to know her and maybe sleeping with her Has so much in it that is about who we are in the world. What how we see ourselves We are in the DVD you have there. Hopefully we talk about what we call frame of reality And how the moment that you're interacting with the woman There's so much going on there in terms of how you see yourself How she sees herself and there's this gap between the two of you This is pregnant possibilities, and if you don't bring yourself fully to that You don't really believe in yourself. You're gonna sound on a lot of those possibilities so Let's move on because that's all sort of heady stuff I Saw very few hands go up when we talked about what Nick brought up Conkira campus, and I know that I Know that some of you are not 21 or I'm sorry over than 30 Some of you are in college who here just by show of hands has read Conkira campus one two three Okay, so Conkira campus is a book that I helped my friend mark right about how do you meet girls in college and If you haven't read it, I would highly suggest it is all about social circle game and Being better with girls who whether you're in like college or not. It's all about social circle game One of the core tenants that we talk about in Conkira campus is what we call giving love Okay, and before this gets to new age Giving love has a lot of me Nick. Do you want to talk about getting love for a second? Do you want to grab the microphone? Yeah, stand up All right, great giving love is a expression to throw around a social man very often It's kind of like a whole like mantra basically based around the idea the more you give the more you get back It's our mantra because it's true. Don't question it. It just is But here's the thing giving love comes in a lot of forms when it comes to women Give it love could just mean a compliment. Hey You look really pretty right more up to the more the face better. Hey, you look really pretty. That's one way of giving love Hey, I love you. That's another way of giving love However, all giving love basically means is being able to give emotional excitement being able to give Emotional like a positive emotional state inside of another human being So when you take into the realm everything that we talk about that means a lot of things Sometimes if you give a girl some shit and teaser, oh my god, I can never talk to you That's a form of giving love because she gets excited. She gets happy. Yes, you can it's flirting It's fun girls like things that make them feel good So by giving love limit yourself to everything that could possibly make another human being feel good including Giving them a little shit sometimes and I want to talk about touching them That feels good giving shit thing because what you talked about there is really illustrative this whole notion of giving love illustrative good word So If you are saying to a person and I know I've been guilty of this if you're giving shit to a person Because you feel like they're giving shit to you If you're like, I don't know if I can talk to you anymore and you're legitimately a dick about it You're like mean about it. They feel that Then that's not giving love. That's making their fear. That's making them hurt Okay, if you're like, oh, yeah, I don't know if I can talk to you right now Like if you're kind of joking about it, you got a big smile on your face. I'll lie Nick You kind of like just want to like amplify their emotional experience a little bit. That's what we mean by giving love We mean it in a way where you are increasing somebody's emotional experience with you every step of the way And it's not about being a dick Okay, now when we talk about things like negging or like a teasing or whatever, you know common community terms Where are these things relevant to where are these things important? They're important in as much as they allow somebody to lower their barriers so that we can give to them an openness Okay, and that's the thing I want to stress here is if you go out with Nick, you hang out with me Do you hang out with Fran? Oh You know Any sort of interaction that we want to have with the woman is not about setting up walls That are so high that she can't get over them It's about setting up very little walls that we want her to push down and pushing down her little walls too Because that's what giving love is all about if you think about the act of sex Okay, let's take this all the way to the end. Okay, when you are actually inside a woman and you are enjoying the act Okay, you are extremely vulnerable Okay, the knife-wielding maniac could run in and you would be very challenged to defend yourself at that moment because you are so hopefully committed to that act and That commitment to that act acquires that level of openness requires So from the moment you go up and say hello, you are starting make lots of work You're starting for something and if you are not able to do that You're not able to be open every step of the way. We're not able to break down her walls Then you will start to lose her So let's talk about a couple of little like I was talking to somebody earlier So I'm pretty sure it's like off in a couch asleep now I was talking to somebody earlier about like, you know What are the issues that guys are facing right now? And my understanding is it's still out of the same stuff that it was five six years ago We got in which is what to say And having confidence to say it Just by a show of hands again I know you guys are probably fucking sick of this just by a show of hands Who runs out of things to say when they're like talking to women in conversations? Okay, so a fair number and that's probably came here more to talk about that than by God. All right, cool so We've really tried We've really tried to We've gone out we use microphones We like dissect what we do like we break it all down We try to figure out like okay, like what are the things that we're saying how can we teach this best because we don't use routines We don't stack we don't do any of the shit that like people have talked about for a long time And it's harder to learn That's that like barrier that you've got to push through and that's that stuff that like that's where I'm talking about I'm saying it's you got to put in the hard work But we really tried to break down at least some of the language patterns and some of the things that we do when we're going through Conversations so many a couple of them right now that I found are very easy at opening up conversations If you were going to write anything down, this is probably not be a bad idea So the first one if you want to call it something you could call a comfort hook Okay, and it's basically four steps Open yourself up and sharing a little bit about person So the very first thing you do you talk about yourself you tell a little story or you talk about a situation And it would be a very specific example of this in a moment, but I just want you to have a four-step start Let's talk about yourself or situation Second one no, that's a good second one you relate that to a high-value story There's a bit of DH being in there Third one you screen and qualify and then the fourth one is you future project Shockingly these are all community terms. We do actually speak with this sometimes So let me give you an example. Does that make sense to everybody like what I just said you guys know those terms just like nodding or Yes, no All right. Well, I'm getting no feedback at all. So I'll just assume that nobody does All right, so here's an example right talk about yourself or situation this happened This is a very good example. I was in I was back in Manhattan This is like maybe two months after vacation. I'd taken to Mexico like a very spontaneous drunken vacation I'd taken to Mexico speaking of enjoying your single life and So I was talking to this girl and I said I mean again This is you know Fran and Nick both gave some really good examples of how to get conversations started in the simplicity of it All here's another one where it's very simple simple Sausage my contact walked up said hey, what's up? Hey, what's up some Christian? What's your name? She said I'm so-and-so What's your name? What no she didn't say that because I was saying she's so I said um I said how's your night going? She said good. I got you from the city. She goes. Yeah, I am so cool. How long you live here? So again very dry conversation at this point But there's a lot of eye contact going on and there's a lot of that non-verbal stuff happening And that's all that needed to happen at that point So Here's where the comfort hook starts to come in so I said how long have you been the city? She's a blubber. I said so now I start to tell a story. I said, yeah You know like I really love Manhattan, but I got even out of you know, it's like it's you know It's it's really tough if you're here like now and stop when's the last vacation you took Okay, so I'm trying to lead to the story that I've been talking about she's oh geez last vacation I took probably like six months ago. How about you so she's essentially taking the bait, right? So now I can tell this little story. I was like well actually Let me think like two months ago. I guess I was I was down in Mexico. She was Mexico realize yeah Actually like crazy Sunday night. It's like a karaoke at 3 a.m. Really fucking wasted my friend Alice And I'm like let's get on a plane to Mexico. That's actually the story So that's kind of a high value story indicate spontaneity. I'm going to a foreign country with a female friend And there's like a big hook in there, right and what that signifies It's not only that I do these cool things so that like builds a little bit of intrigue and she's like nice You know, that's crazy blow the lot. I'm also able to say yeah, I was like really spontaneous Like I've never really done anything too much like that before and she's yeah. Wow. That's so spontaneous So now I screen qualified. This is step three like so What's yeah, have you ever done anything like that? Okay, so now she's thinking and now she's starting to work for me and the whole point with me opening myself up Talking a little bit and sharing just a little bit with her just enough so that she can start to open up to me And what I'm really trying to do I'm not asking her if she's going down in Mexico What I'm really trying to do is find similarity of the personality traits and spontaneity is not a bad personality trait to have If you're talking to girls Hopefully, I mean I Guys like spontaneous girls. I certainly do so I'm like, yeah, I was like really crazy So like if you don't anything like that She's like well and now she starts talking right so often times That's just as much work as you need to do to really get a person going is to tell us somewhat high-value story Don't have to talk for that long Don't have to share that much with her you just have to share enough that she wants to start sharing with you and Ask her a question about it. Okay, so at this point. She told me a little story She did about like a trip to Peru where she did all this song the stuff called ayahuasca was kind of similar to acid and cooler and And so now here's the fourth part of our little Sequence here is I said, oh wow that that is pretty spontaneous. So we talked about that for a second now I future project with her. I said, okay, so here's here's the plan vacation. All right first We're gonna get drunk karaoke. What's your favorite song? She's like total clips of the heart So we talked about that I'm like, okay first we're gonna get drunk karaoke And that's my contribution to trip and then we're gonna go to Peru We just trip out for seven days and like experience Zen and each other and all sorts of crazy ways that we never knew existed So you can see how through these four sequence. It's like a very simple sequence It's just telling a little story about myself that relates to a very situational matter. You noticed again I started by talking about New York I moved into life in New York and how I need to get out every now and then and any of you can do this if You're here tonight. Just visiting how many you know If you're here tonight just visiting you could say something like yeah, I just flew into Orlando today How long have you been living here and she could say you know to live here. She'll probably say yeah, you say You say yeah, like this is a great vacation city like I'm thinking going to Disney where what's the last vacation you took So now you're talking about something she did So that's all that's like all the commonality. She starts talking about a vacation. She says I went to let's say she says Who'd you go that's kind of an obvious question at least to me who'd you go to Italy? She says I want my family now. You've got a personality trait and start to relate to okay You can say oh really one of your fans. Are you close to your family in that way? She says yeah, yeah Now you can start to tell a little bit story about whether you're close to your family or not If you've taken family vacations with your them or not and you can say well, I'll tell you what like I don't know you that well yet So maybe we won't go on and tell him vacation with your family But like you know get to know each other a little bit better like at least I can meet them for like an Italian dinner So that's like kind of how you're gonna use these techniques and again if you think about what we're doing just talking about yourself a little bit Talking about a story that's got just enough of a hook to make her want to continue to talk to you Screening qualifying her on her personality and then doing a little future projection So let's do another one and this is This is very very very similar Okay, but a lot of guys that we work with have a really hard time like being natural and Just like starting basic conversations now I've and again I'm talking entirely in the context of New York City here because we live there or work there That's kind of where we do our stuff with that said You know you use the stuff anywhere But a very common conversation for New Yorkers to have and especially my my guy friends who are So to speak the guys who don't study game or study pick up very very common conversation What we have is to start the conversation. How long have you lived in the city or what do you like about it? Okay, that's just like how people often talk to each other when they're getting to know each other It's a simple topic. Okay So what you're gonna do is you're gonna say hello, you make your introduction. Hey, what's up? I'm Christian. What's your name blah blah basic eye contact? She kind of tells you a little bit about it. Okay, so then you tell a little story You start off and again if you want to write four steps here if you found that last one useful You might find this one useful too. So you tell your introduction then you tell a little story you start with a story It doesn't have to be very long Second one is gonna be a question based on my story. This is very similar again to the last one Third is gonna be a question based on her answer and the fourth is gonna be one of these future projections rule plays So again if you want to use this tonight with respect to anything you're doing just replace the word in New York with the word Orlando And you're in so You know so she says See your question is how long have you lived in New York? She says I moved here three years ago. I've lived here my whole life blah blah blah You asked a very basic question. That's what you like about it. You don't have to get too complicated here. Okay She tells what she likes about it and Let's say Let's say she you know, she's like I you know, I just think it's really fun Like everybody here is really friendly, blah blah blah. You say, okay, so and then you kind of ask a question based on her answer You say so so like oh, so it's really fun Like do you like is it easier like find trouble in the city? Like because and this is what I was gonna be like like straight up like I'm from New York bar Stay open until 4 a.m. There like to close at 2 a.m. Here. I'm a little worried you guys don't know how to party proper So so I'd say I'd say yeah, you know you guys know how to get crazy. She's gonna get yeah, we know how to party Like all right, so um, what's a good story that's happened? Now this is a huge nuance right here that I really want you guys to think about for a second The game you way to ask this question is like what's the craziest thing that's happened since you've lived in this city? Okay, the way that I personally ask it is what's a good story that's happened since you've been in the city and Anytime you ask a person to answer in a superlative like the most of anything It makes them think a lot more Then if you just ask them like a little bit of information So if you're really deep into a conversation with somebody you can say what's the craziest thing that's happened since you've gotten Or like tell me a story about when you got arrested You can ask that when you're deep into a conversation if you don't know them very well If you're just getting started you can't do that like what's the craziest thing You can't do any of those superlatives. You just have to go in basic. What's something good like okay? Tell me how tell me how you guys party like what's something good that happens here? So you just get that going a little bit and then the last thing you do is a future projection. There's a step four Oh cool. We got to do that together. That sounds awesome. Okay, maybe you guys do know how to party So that's kind of how we try to get conversations going and if you're doing that properly if you're screening her at this point Because notice who's leading the conversation Okay, I'm the one who's saying I've got some values. I'm coming in. I'm cool If you're doing this property, she's gonna start to test you back. She's like, okay, so what do you guys do up there? Like up Like I'll tell you a little bit then you can start to get played a little bit start to do all the body language stuff Nick was talking about All right, I'll tell you so that so there's two little techniques that you can use the very early stage of conversation A third one. I'm gonna give you is this actually just happened on a date the other night It kind of came up spontaneously and I remembered it and I was coming down here I thought it's kind of funny and it follows the same paths that a lot of my escalations take So what I'm always trying to do with the girl when I'm talking to her is be cooperative Okay, I don't want to be like combative I want to push her away just just when I sense that she needs a little bit of a push But generally I want to like make a cooperative seduction. I want her to be a part of it I want her to be enjoying it. So this is really good at lust for the exam. There's that word again So I was talking with her about We were talking about like celebrities. I was like, yeah, so who's your favorite celebrity? She's like, oh, all right. That's that's all long good. Like who's your favorite guy celebrity? She's like, oh probably below a lot like an actor like okay. Who's your favorite guy celebrity you want to hook up with? Okay, so we're three questions in not too much so far. She said wow I don't know. So she thought about it for a second. She said holly berries husband And I What you're Obviously Nick wants Brad Pitt, but you know, I've never seen how I bear his husband But I was like so I'm trying to think cooperatively bring them together. Like how can I be a part of this? I go holly berries husband. That's interesting. I've never seen so I let her talk a little bit again I'm trying not to do too much talking. Yeah, I'm like holly berries husband What's he all about is black guy white guy like what she's like? Yeah, it's black guy like really great ass Cool you into asses. She's like, you know, like she's looking at mine. She's like not so much, but like he's got a nice one Yeah And she's kind of scribe I'm just like trying to get her talking right and finally I'm like, well, you know what like that sounds pretty good Like I might be able to put up with that if holly berries there, too So again, I'm trying to bring those together. So I'm like, yeah, it's how it goes. I told her Tell you what we should like we should like hook up with them. She's like, well, like we should go pick them up I'm like, no, fuck. No, we should have of course some of them. What are you talking about? So at this point, like, you know, because of the chemistry of the lab because of the non-verbals and everything She burst out laughing great moments, you know, really enjoyed each other and then of course as Nick alluded to earlier We were able to start talking about four sums and other sorted sexual matters Okay, so this is how you can sort of transition again from very basic conversation Who's your favorite celebrity? Who's your favorite celebrity male? Who's your favorite celebrity male? You'd like to hook up with Figure out who they're dating because if chances are she wants to date some hook up with some leading man Who's dating some hot girl say let's have a foursome together go from there So those are a couple of like, you know, very specific techniques some things that if you work on them If you work them into your language They will work for you. Okay, and this is really how we've started to teach and how we try to work with people is by Listening to their language patterns listening to like the way that they structure stuff and trying to make them instinctively think How can I make this cooperative? How can I escalate? How can I get to know her better? What Nick was alluding to earlier also for those of you who saw Eric and using Yeah, and like using up Like sort of barriers so they talk about barriers if you don't know what barriers are It's one of those like I would sew such and such if all these people weren't here I would so hook up with you right now of all these people So we have a little term for this or just called polarity escalation We do this all the time. Okay, where we're escalating very hard non-verbal Okay, like you saw what Nick was doing. It's that You know, we're really like pushing the boundaries pulling the girl in talking to her ear Maybe, you know nibbling on her on this part when he called us the bell of the year Your love. Yeah, thanks Yeah, so like nibbling on this, you know, and obviously she's got to be feeling it But you're doing that while you're accusing her of seducing you This is like nothing new under the sun. It's old-school stuff, but it works. Okay? And I think oftentimes we're like looking for answers where we don't need to so if you're like using a barrier If you're like, yo, it stops to do something as you're biting her on the ear, though It's kind of sexy for she's like, what are you talking about? I know what you're doing like you got to stop and you make that icon stack Pull away as Nick kind of did I didn't say that Back So so yeah, it's like that sort of stuff and then you know you pull away and look from the eyes and you're like You're like I swear you got to like stop making this eye contact with me like this is really driving me crazy So all the stuff where you're accusing her of being the one leading the escalation while you're leading us And then knowing when to give it and knowing when to say alright You've got and this is the subtlety that Nick sort of talked about with respect to calibration Okay, this is one of the hardest things that I think any guy going through this experience has to learn is how to feel What a woman is feeling I don't know if you've all ever experienced something like this There's a girl in your life who's got a great girl game like every guy, you know is really into her okay, and What is it she's doing? She knows how to turn on her sexuality and then how to pull it back She knows how to give you a dose of that sexuality and make you feel like oh She I didn't know she wanted me wow that feels great, and then all of a sudden she pulls it away from you It's that same dance it goes back and forth and the question is who's leading that dance Who's the one who's initiating with that sexuality and he's giving it to her and that's what you use polarity escalation with and the second part of this is respect to being a man Like working less for a poor and working more for escalation This is a really and I know it's late in the day I know this is like a weird concept but think of it this way like most of us When we're trying to learn this stuff and we're trying to like get better with women What we're really trying to get better with perfect is rapport Okay, we're really trying to like build that bridge with her you need to work less during that time period Then you probably think you do you only need to ask some very basic questions You need to be like able to say quick little things like you know Oh, we should go do that together that'd be amazing like I don't want to get in trouble with you So like we'll keep it PG you know kind of like what this these two were doing up here Little stuff like that will keep her going and then just ask another question Ask another question ask another question You don't need to be working that hard for rapport You don't need to be telling her long-winded stories about yourself if you've ever found yourself talking more than like Five minutes to a girl who you haven't known for 30 minutes. You're wrong Don't need to be talking that much and I don't want to and I don't want to be dogmatic about that There's plenty guys who have success doing it that way. I just find I'm a little lazier than that And I don't want to put that much work in the beginning What I do want to do is when she started to feel it when she's given me her hips when she's into me When she's excited by me when she has started open up to me That's the most critical part of all this is trying to get the skill to open up to me That's when I want to lead with sexuality I want to leave with the escalation because I am the man we are all made in here And we are the ones who should be pushing that forward okay, and This gets into the last part of this little talk here Which is that one of the things we I think all of us really believe and certainly Nick and I is that there's nothing more arousing for a woman than to be desired by a man who she values okay and that was a tough concept for me to get for a while because I grew up feeling like I could not express my sexuality and I could not express my desire for people And then it was the girl's job to chase me a little bit And that's um, you know if I was cool enough if I had enough social value Or if I had good enough game or whatever she was going to like fall in my lap And for all the reasons that Nick's discussed regarding society and the way that we're brought up It's not her job It's not even her job not because of society. I think biologically and evolutionarily is that a word so You know it is really our job is meant to be the one who lead the charge with escalation Who lead the charge of sexuality who lead the charge to making her feel Like you want her but you can only do that once she values a little bit And how is she going to value when she opens up to you and when is she going to open up to you? When she feels like you're genuinely interested in her and when you've got a couple interesting things to say and share about your life so I'll sort of share this with I'll share with you one last story before I kind of bounce here, which is that there was a girl In my kitchen, this is maybe three months ago now We were sitting on my countertop Each drinking a glass of wine So everything indicated that's you know, things were good that we were going to hook up Blah blah was our second date we like cooked together And I was like very clumsy in my escalation like nothing was coming to me My game wasn't on we were just like we were just in rapport. We were just like talking sharing shit like there was no like Everything you saw demonstrated up here. It wasn't happening. Okay. It was just like we were just sitting there And I could see she was like dude christian like come on pick it up. Let's go here I want to go so I was just like, you know what I just looked her dead in the eye. I was like I would really like to hook up with you right now Or make out with you right now. I'm sorry and she looks at me and she's like I don't know that might be kind of awkward At least that's what I thought in my head, but going through this so many times now and understanding this process And understanding that she did value That she was there for a reason that she had that glass of wine in her hand and was sitting on the countertop for a reason Understanding all those things kind of that all clicked in that all went through my head And I just reminded myself, you know, she just wants to know that I really want her She just wants to know that like I desire and the way she'd mirror was not like, oh my god You know wasn't like that. It was just like I don't know that'd be like a little awkward So took her hand or took her head in the back of my hand started to move it towards myself And I was like, no, it'll be amazing. Trust me started making up and we actually dated for a couple weeks thereafter but um But uh, you know the point is I would have taken that initial statement from her Maybe five ten years ago as a massive sign of rejection. I said shit. Like I totally messed it up with this girl I'm an awkward guy girls don't like me I'm just gonna throw in the towel. I've been like, uh, sorry. Okay. Yeah, you're right And she would have been disappointed and I would have been disappointed and we all wouldn't walked away But understanding that she just wanted to feel my desire Was the breakthrough that actually let me escalate on her when she just needed to feel my strength And you know, there's a line here. There's a very fine line when no really does mean no But there's so many times when there is token resistance Where there is somebody who really just wants to feel your strength as a man Who wants to know that like you have that love to give them and you're going to share that with them you can go after with them and uh You know, that's sort of where I want to leave you guys is that If you are willing to like step up to the plate If you are willing to actually accept this responsibility of like bringing love into women's lives and doing awesome things with them A big part of that is being able to push past that rejection because it is your fucking responsibility as a man As nick likes to say for braving the fire of rejection because every rejection you get at least in my life Who's been a test rejections in business have been a test of my You know ability to deal with challenging situations rejections in my personal life have been a test My ability to like get over certain people rejections in that moment are a test How much of yourself can you bring yourself forward or can you bring forward? And every time that you feel rejected every time that you look at that you can look at it as A failure or you can look at it as an opportunity to learn a little about yourself until I push yourself forward And make yourself a bit of a better person And it's only by doing that that you will really achieve mastery of this part of your life So thank you for sticking with me. I apologize. My energy level has been a little bit low I think everybody's been feeling it, but uh, thank you very much And uh, I think we're gonna do if anybody has questions. We're gonna do a q&a panel or just a beer pong game Either way, uh, are there any questions? All right Just Can you hear me All right, yeah, that's fine Here we go. Uh, what what is polarity escalation? Uh, is that different from like regular escalation? Can you talk about that a little bit? Yeah, it's exactly what I was describing, which is essentially using a barrier verbally We were saying why are you doing this to me? Stop it You know your your feminine charms are having their way on me stop looking at me that way All that stuff verbally to essentially tell her to stop escalating while you're the one who's actually doing physical and nonverbal escalation That's the easiest way. Does that make sense nick wants to say something too. Yeah, just to clear that up Um, it's where your your verbals are saying hard. No, but your your nonverbals are saying hard. Yes. I talked about how The the nonverbals kind of lubricate the process So if you're if your nonverbals are saying no, no, no slow down It's you it's you it's you that allows you to get away with much more on the nonverbal level Keeping her conscious mind kind of occupied and out there dealing with all the whole home shit. Oh, no This is perfect. Meanwhile on the subconscious level her body can really start to enjoy all the shit that it wants to enjoy Make sense. Yeah Yeah, that's good Yeah, christian you mentioned the three macro areas and I think you touched on personal life and to me Uh, the three main areas of my life would be health wealth and Probably relationships. I'm not sure if you mentioned the other two Yeah, well the way that I would look at that and I guess you can you can cut it up any way you want And again, I'm not saying I would mess by any stretch Um and health has actually become a much more important part of my life recently After a two-year sort of hiatus from any sort of exercise But I would put that in the personal growth area because it's not business and professional and it's not spiritual I mean you could have you could have a spiritual moment in the gym I suppose but I put that in terms of like personal growth and what you're trying to achieve with yourself And what was the third one you said relationships? I'd put that in personal life as well because that's love openness That's almost independent from business think of it this way, right? If you're in a relationship and I've been in this situation your relationship It's maybe a little too much a little too much for you to handle. Maybe the girl's really insecure and she's like just clinging on to you Maybe there's all sorts of fights. You're not going to be able to commit yourself as much as you need to probably to your profession So it's getting in the way in that sense and if your business is fucked and you're not able to work on it And you're running on debt and you're like, you know eating protein shakes every day, which I've done It's not fun It's very hard to have any sort of space for anything else in your life as well So I that's the way that I cut those off. I mean because you can still be living on protein shakes, but doing 100 push-ups a day So that's kind of how I try to cut those off is like personal life is anything related to you Professional life is anything related to your work your finances and like the likes you're trying to leave that way In spiritual But again, you can cut them up however you want. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have a second question? Okay, that's all Okay, cool. Nick. Nick had something to add shocking one. I remember somebody was just talking about how it was hard for them to keep their professional life separate from their relationship life or their Yeah, being able to have a relationship and be able to do their professional thing And and so you were you were grouping them together But I wanted to talk on this one specific facet because I know it's a lot of a lot of times a lot of guys think I've got my personal life got my social life But what I wanted to kind of bridge together there and kind of what you were talking about an elaborate on is that anyone Will kind of agree with me on this if you've got an amazing woman in your life If you've got an amazing woman two women three women four women in your life Um, this is all in a cartouli power now David data way of the superior man They all agree with me But a woman has the power to to bring out the best bring out your your strongest bring out your most masculine a good woman If you've got a shitty woman who's got her own shit She's going to bring you further down with her We've got a great woman who actually knows her place. She has the amazing power to bring more masculinity more power more Goodness that you can put towards your own professional life that you can put anywhere you want to then you ever freaking dreamed of So in that way they're very time You know two lines she says she says, you know, we're the only women who are strong enough to convert the Spartan men That's why we can speak to other men that was a good one and then the other one, you know, you see king late night is comporting with her the night before he goes out to battle And she's she's the one who's who's providing him that strength and saying I think when they she leaves She says, uh, you know something like come home Come home with your shield or on it, you know, but she's the one who's pushing the world I don't want to demonize women and say that they'll drain on you Because as nick said a great woman can be as much of an additive element to your life as a bad one Yeah, anything else I think we're up here guys Was there one more was there one more question Good stuff Yeah, yeah, I think we're I think people are out of questions and possibly out of steam But that's it then we'll wrap it up Did you guys want it? Hey, I just as long as you're sitting up here like, you know Taking advantage of this one couch. Did you guys have anything you had wanted to add about anything? I talked about or like David. You got anything you want to say? All right, Francis Talking to the mic talking to the mic I dipped out for like half your speech because I had that coughing attack But uh, so I didn't get to catch everything but you uh, you nailed it, right? Oh, thanks All right, thanks again guys