 Hello everybody Well, it's almost Hanukkah and it's almost Christmas and it's time for the lighting of the tree last week Did you see the tree out back and do you know all Santa Claus has thought about you all year long and every Did you get my letter? Did you put a stamp on it and mail it? Well, I Yes, I got it all and I want you to know that you are coming to the best Christmas party in the world. You know why? Because we have cookies We have yummy Luscious delicious cookies that will make you fat like Santa Claus and No one in the world is happier to have you here than we are today And let's have a big old cheer a Santa Claus cheer for Colonel Irwin and the US Marine Band hip hip Hip hip Hooray hooray Just want to see if you were listening Okay, no listen I wanted to point one thing out if you'd help me look at these, you know sort of I don't have to hold this microphone I'll bend over a little bit actually. I'll bet I could even make it come up a little if I worked at it I want you to look around the room because our theme this year at the Christmas party is Christmas music or songs, you know, and if you look around you'll see all sorts of different things that represent Christmas songs There's a way in a manger and we have different ones and if you'll everybody turn around behind you and look We have Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. Do you see him? Point him out. Show me where he is. Hey, hey, hey Hey, where's Rudolph Schmoodoff? Hey, what's going on here? Hey, Merry Christmas. I don't believe it believe it Santa Hey, you're doing love the outfit. It's my favorite. Yeah, you'll look good in red Hey, you know what they tell you what what if if everybody if everybody would just everybody sit down You'll get no cookies. Everybody sit down because Alph has got to get back to the kitchen Alph is making the cookies for us Yeah Yeah Hey, you know there's been a little misunderstandings Let's all let's all be kind of quiet because I want to ask Alph some questions May I ask you a couple questions Alph? You just did Come on, we're on a roll Santa. Yeah. Yeah, how's the weather by the way? It's a sesame seed roll I wanted to ask you look like the guy who would know somebody the weather like outside Somebody told me that you knew all about the weather I know all about the weather, but I think you know more than I do well I know more than I you know think I do are we gonna get some snow? I just wanted to know where you come from. Do they have snow? Yes, we do have snow, but it falls up or it goes from the ground up in the air Yeah, it's crazy. How do you sled and snow like that? Do you sled up the hills or down the hill? It's difficult very difficult and how many times have you ever to slay yourself. No, I haven't no no But I've seen pictures and when it snows. Do you have anything like a Santa Claus that comes to bring presents? Well, you know what? We don't have Christmas, but we have a holiday. That's very similar to Christmas on Melmac It's called twangle. Hey, wait a minute. Yeah, you hear what he said. They don't have Christmas on his planet But they have something called what twangle. Can you say twangle twangle? Together now You know what? That wasn't very good. Let's try that again. Are you ready? One, two, three twangle All right, don't shout. I could hear you. I said Alph I'm gonna sit down All right, and I'll let you tell us a story and then I'll be back in a few minutes And if you're really good, we will put you on the gong show But if you're not good, you are history. Oh, there's a promise. I'll sit down and leave you alone All right, I'd like to tell you a little poem that my daddy used to tell me this actually happened This is a true story. Have you ever heard the the poem twas the night before Christmas? Yeah, raise your hands if you've heard it Raise your hands if you haven't heard it All right, I'm gonna tell it to you anyway only this was called Twas the night before twangle now listen closely because there's a lot of clever similarities Twas the night before twangle and all around the planet nothing was stirring except my aunt Janet Yeah, she was stirring cat soup for our twangle Eve dinner and Most of that soup was ending up in her Now the twin moons of melmac were shining that night and cuz it was twangle one green and one white One off to the left and one off to the right But there in the middle. I saw a strange sight For out of the sky a red sleigh appeared it landed and out stepped a guy with a beard He asked for directions. He said he was lost He was looking for earth and he got his signals crossed Now my dad said to him I'd you end up here buster He said he made a wrong turn at the Andromeda cluster. It's not a candy bar either We gave him directions and he got in his sleigh We'd offered him cat soup But he said no way So we thanked us for helping and he said he must go Then he asked if we knew him We shook our heads no and then he took off and we both heard him shout Merry Christmas to all we had no idea what that was about Now I had a strange feeling I'd see him again. I didn't know where I didn't know when and Each twangle Eve. I would look to the sky and I'd think of that sleigh and that jolly old guy Now little did I know that I'd soon end up here Helping st. Nicholas Spread Christmas cheer We're here as a team now. We've got a new angle. I Say Merry Christmas and he says happy twangle Yeah Don't applaud if you're not sure Listen Alf. I want you to meet. Thank you for that story and thank you boys and girls. You are a great audience I want you to meet the first lady out. This is mrs. Reagan. This is alf mrs. Reagan Hello, mrs. President Can I call you mrs. Is it me or is there a lot of red up here? There's a lot of red. I see a lot of color red here the background is red and Santa wears red and you look great in red Yeah, I Notice I read that in people magazine and the president likes jelly beans. That's right. That's right Well, I'm a diplomat from another time. Oh you are you are Thank you for your song your rendition. Thank you and And thank everybody for making this party possible And thank the the members of th is For making the party possible Now alf Before you leave before we leave. I have to ask you something. Uh-huh. Who does your hair? Well, I haven't had it done since I got here to be honest with you back on my home planet It was done by Maurice of Melmac While I'm here Willard Scott will give me a comb out Yeah, the senator in the back's got a question Okay, well, I was just wondering it's it's it's you like the color. Oh, yeah, it's natural I Can tell that it is yes, it's very it's it's interesting You have You want to answer you have a couple of questions here? Well just one one What's your name hey alf ever eating the cat say that again, I mean lucky No, no, listen, that's that's a wrap that I'm taking here and I want to clear that up right now, all right Since I've landed here on this planet. I haven't eaten a single cat. They've all been married Question who has a little humor in the White House question. You have a question Who has a question for alf anybody have a question anybody want to ask a alpha question, okay? You'll have to stand over here. How about this little lady here? How about you? How tall are you help in my stocking feet or with heels? I'm three foot two inches tall How about with heels in heels on four feet 11? I thought you met with me. Yeah, they're hard Everybody else a question. I look good, but I can't walk On the TV show you you can't expose to the public But now why are you exposing to the public? Why are you exposing to the public? You're not on television now. Why are you here? You know what? I don't know You know why I came in the gate. They had a dog sniff me He's here because it's Christmas. That's humiliating. You know, I'm a star You do that with everyone. Can you believe that when alf came in the dog sniff me? He's here because it's Christmas. That's humiliating. You know, I'm a star He did and the dog took him out and buried him in the backyard And we had to go dig him up and bring him in here and that's why his hair looks so good You know, I know why you're here alf. Why? because you like Cookies The magic C word The big C. Yeah, are there cookies and right and right now and right now It's time to go into the state dining room and have some cookies Something to eat something drink, okay? I'm out of here Boys and girl holidays Let's let's give alf a big round of applause and thank him and let's wish him a happy twangal Happy twangal ready and merry Christmas. And if you all will be just a second Mrs. Reagan and I are gonna walk in and get the cookies and the punch ready And then you hold on a second and you come in with us, okay, and merry Christmas and God bless you all What a nice treat You