 Hello there, my beautiful, lovely and talented internet friends. Welcome back to my channel. Both myself and Miss Cakes here would like to wish you a very, very happy Pride Month. Now, the title of this video is not a joke, nor an exaggeration. For the first 25 years or so of my life, I very actively believed that anyone who was not straight and cis was definitely wrong, confused, bad, sinful, living in confusion, and just wasn't valid or good. I genuinely believe those things for the majority of my life. I believe them with compassion. That's what I used to tell myself. Like, I cared about these people who were confused and lost and hurt and fallen away from God and definitely going to burn in hell. But in all reality, that was a lot of misinformation, a lot of indoctrination, and a lot of willfully not listening to people when they told me who they were. Being that June is Pride Month, where you're going to see a lot of people sharing their stories of coming out or what their sexuality or gender identity means to me or spreading education, I wanted to take some time to admit my past mistakes and the journey that I've taken to overcome those past misconceptions and past very judgmental and harmful thoughts. So as someone who is now very supporting and very accepting of whoever you are, whoever you tell me that you are, allow me to tell you just a little bit of my story of how I used to be a very different person. So I was raised in a very conservative Christian environment, both in my family, primarily in churches and youth groups and schools and colleges, and I was never taught to hate gay or trans people, but it kind of was. It wasn't ever hatred, but it was very thinly veiled messages about how they weren't valid people like we were. You were willfully falling away from God, you were confused, you were lost, you were being bad, you were wanting to live a sinful worldly life, and you were really hurting God in your community by being and living those things. And I didn't really question that for a very long time to be completely honest with you and in not doing so, I very directly contributed to harm in the lives of my friends. When I was 15, I had a very close friend, we had grown up together, and one day they came to me, we actually led a Bible study together and said, Joe, I think I'm trans. And my immediate reaction was to convince them why that wasn't the case, why they were confused before even listening to them. Let me get clear on that. And then, refusing to call them by their chosen name or pronouns, I tried to be there for them because obviously they were struggling with something. I mean, all Christians struggle with things, right? But this was a pretty big, bad thing to be struggling with and I didn't know how to respond, but I knew that calling them he, him just wouldn't be right or they, them. And I couldn't do that because I was a Christian and I couldn't do that. So I tried to come up with some kind of compromise. I refused to call them by their chosen name and looking back, I don't think this will ever not hurt my heart because I know the harm that I caused. Eventually, we lost touch and I found out that a few years after that, they had taken their own lives. Do I think that that's directly my fault or I caused that? No, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I contributed to it. I was a unsafe person to them at a time when they needed safety and support and I did the polar opposite along with most other people in their lives. And then in college, I repeated the exact same mistake with another friend. I had another very close friend of mine come to me towards the end of college and say that they were trans. And I also had no idea what to do with that. I hadn't done any research into it. In the meantime, I hadn't listened to people or heard stories or read books. I had the same response of I don't, I don't think that that's something I can deal with. I don't know that I can call you by your given pronouns. I don't know that it's something that I can handle. And so I created space and distance and there were other contributing factors in that relationship in particular. But in the name of morality and Christianity, I basically did the same thing again. Hello friends, editing Joe here. I wanted to draw a very clear line between faith and Christianity as a whole and also what I was specifically taught being in the church. Watching this video back, I kind of made it sound like faith and Christianity in general was the entire reason that I found myself to be homophobic, transphobic, thinking nasty things about people. And yes, a lot of those beliefs did play into my experience, but by no means is that all of what Christianity taught. By no means is that what every Christian I know thinks or acts on. So when I'm talking about these things where I'm like, oh yeah, I used to believe that gay people were going to burn in hell or that people were wrong because God said it, that was based on one specific interpretation of the Bible that I was taught. So please know that I'm not trashing faith as a whole. This was just the corner of religion that I found myself raised in. I genuinely believed that by denying their identities, telling them that they were confused and wrong, I was doing a loving, gracious, good thing. I think that there are two pieces here that are really important to examine. Number one, that's what I was taught by every authority figure in my life for the majority of the first two decades of my life. But secondly, I also never question it. Once I became a teenager, once I became an adult, once I ran into more of these situations and people who identify not as straight and cis, I didn't question what I was taught and raised in when they were telling me what I was doing and saying was harmful. I just went with it. So by the time that I was in my like mid 20s, I began getting a little curious. I heard about this thing called being non-binary and at that time it was very confusing to me. I didn't get it. I didn't quite understand. So the wheels kind of started turning in the back of my head being like, huh, I wonder what that is. And it was around that same time that I really began deconstructing a lot of the faith that I had been taught to believe. A lot of the systems and practices and ways that I had been taught to think, I really began thinking for myself outside of authority figures who I'd always looked to, began actually listening to other people's stories and experiences. And as I was deconstructing all of my own beliefs, I realized that one thing I might not believe consciously anymore, but definitely believed on a subconscious knee jerk reaction kind of level was this idea that if you weren't straight and cisgender that you were bad or you were less. And when I realized that I was like, oh, shit, I don't like that I think this, but I also recognize that it is what my brain goes to. I hate saying this now, right? But I was very confused by people who were gay or bi or trans or pansexual because that was never anything I really had to delve into, struggle with or examine for myself. And I began realizing how convenient that was for me, right? Like I spent my entire life judging and looking down on people out of Christian love who were different than me when this was never anything I had to genuinely look at and think about for myself. And so I turned to a source that has helped me in more ways than one and began listening to an obscene amount of YouTube videos from creators who were gay, bi, trans, non-binary, asexual, pansexual, just anything that I didn't understand, anything that I had deep discomfort with, anything that I really judged. And again, I'm gonna be honest with you, for the first long time of watching these videos and hearing these stories, I was still extraordinarily skeptical. I was still thinking, well, you guys are probably all just kind of confused. And if you could figure it out, you'd come back to being straight, like, you know, the Lord intended. And even when I was kind of past that thought process, I still had this ingrained just discomfort because I was like, I don't get it, right? I also kind of used to hold this belief that I had to understand something to respect it, which I no longer think is true for many topics. I don't have to completely understand the life experiences or what it means to someone to be queer in whatever way they are for me to say awesome. I love you, fantastic. I think you're completely valid in what you're saying. I believe you 100%. And I think you're great. For some reason that used to seem like such a daunting thing to do. And recently I came across a YouTube channel by creators named Paul and Morgan, where they were talking about Demi Lovato coming out as non binary and giving their thoughts and feelings on that as a Christian couple. And there's this one point in the video that I related to on a past level where Morgan has this outburst. You can't be a they them people, you can't, I'm sorry, pick one or the other, at least. And they talk over and over again about how Demi being non binary is so confusing and using they them, like, how are they going to remember to do that? And just it's so it's so mind boggling and that is so confusing. I'm sorry, guys. The confusion is just too much confusion reigns. It's just confusion to a new level. Are you guys confused? Are you as confused as we are? Because I'm very confused. You know, it's just so it's so much for them to try to process and deal with. And as much as I look at that now and have so many things that I could say, I would be dishonest if I didn't tell you, I used to feel that exact same way. I used to feel overwhelmed and like, well, this doesn't make sense. And is that even grammatically correct? Which, by the way, it actually is if you look into it. And I wanted to take just a moment to anyone who is currently in that boat, in that boat of maybe having judgment or discrimination or thinking someone's not valid or wrong or bad or just confused and let you know I've been there and I'm on the other side of it now. And it's worth taking the time to look at in yourself. It's worth taking the time to examine and invest a few hours in your life to actually listening to people whose experiences are not the same as yours, hearing their whole stories, doing your best to listen without judgment and expand your horizons. Sometimes I have this suspicion that we feel like we have much more of a stake in things than we actually do. I see so many conversations going around around me and in the world, debating the validity of people's identities and what that means for them and what they think about and what they do about it and if they were in their situation, here's what they would do. But so rarely does respecting someone's pronouns or name or sexuality actually have any impact on your life like at all. I used to get really caught up in thinking, but like, what does this mean for me? When that's the wrong question, the wrong question is, what does this mean to you? Tell me your story if that's something you want to do, right? Regardless, I'm going to listen to you. Because as I went through that process of listening to real people who were telling me their stories about their gender or their sexuality, their orientation, all of those feelings and judgment and discomfort that I had began to dissipate along with a lot of the confusion. I'm not going to sit here and say I totally get it. I understand completely because I don't. That's not the experience of life I've had, but that does not mean that I can't say I believe you, I listen to you, I accept who you are when you tell me who you are. I can do that and it's actually not that hard to do. In fact, it's a lot easier than just letting your mind go wild with how confusing, oh God, everything is, because it's not. If you take the time to deconstruct that confusion, like anything, right? Like any new subject in school, if you're handed the textbook, you don't get it at first. But when you dive into it and you listen to your teacher and you read through the book, you're like, oh okay, algebra maybe is still not the most fun if you ask me, but I get it, right? I can understand pieces of it, I can have a conversation with someone about it, and maybe it's no longer overwhelming and awful. In thinking back to the things that I used to believe and preach and tell people and say to my friends, it makes me really sad. It makes me sad for them that they had to hear the things that I was saying and not experience support and kindness and actual compassion. It also to a much smaller extent makes me kind of sad for me that I had such a one-track mind and that it took me so long to begin to actually question that. And I'm still learning and still going through this process, but I can very easily say today that I don't hold any of those judgments anymore. I don't think that if you're not straight and cis, you're gonna burn in hell, I think that's absolutely ridiculous. And from my experience, a lot of that discomfort and judgment about people who are different than us can very easily be dispelled by simply taking the time to look into something, to talk to real people who have those experiences and not just sit in the same echo chambers that we're used to hearing over and over and over again. I didn't want to think the things that I used to think, but I recognized that I thought some pretty nasty things and I am very grateful that I had the opportunity to take the chance to try to correct some of that in myself and for what it's worth for people who are still in my life, who are hurt by my words and my actions, I have talked to them, I have apologized, I've reconciled things if that's what they wanted. I've tried to make my past mistakes clear, apologize from them, and then personally move on to be the best version of myself that I can be. I struggle with the idea of releasing this during Pride Month because I don't directly belong to the community, but I have a lot of friends who do, some family members who do, and I know that damn near every single one of them has experienced discrimination and hate and judgment and very negative messages about who they are and not being believed and being told that they're not valid and they're just confused and all kinds of really detrimental things. And I know that to some extent, I used to be one of those people and I think it is very, very, very vital that as human beings, we not only allow ourselves to grow and apologize for past mistakes but also take time to tell those stories because I know that there are some people who are listening, who find themselves in a similar boat, who have a lot of discomfort with gay people or lesbians. And if you're one of those people, I see you, I get it, and it is worth your time to invest in yourself, to help the people around you, to be a better friend, to figure out how to be someone who is not causing intentional or unintentional harm in the lives of queer people around you. And if you, my lovely watcher, are someone who belongs to one of those communities, you are so, so, so welcome here. I've gotten multiple emails and messages from time to time being like, hey, I'm LGBTQ. Do you accept me on your channel? And the answer is a resounding yes, of course. Thank you for being here. I'm honored to have you and I hope you have a great Pride Month. To you watching this video right now, I truly appreciate your time. A big thank you to all my patrons over on Patreon. If you're interested in supporting this channel and what I do here, the link is on screen, also linked down below. But most importantly, thank you for spending a few minutes out of your day here with me today. You could be anywhere else in the world doing anything else. You chose to hang out with me for a few minutes, and I truly appreciate that. I love you guys. I'm thinking about you, and I will see you in the next video. Bye, guys.