 Craft presents the Great Gilder Sleeve. Yeah! We'll also bring you Bing Crosby every Thursday night. Present each week at this time Harold Perry is the Great Gilder Sleeve. Written by John Whedon. We'll hear from the Great Gilder Sleeve in just a moment. You know, bread is a mighty important food. But after all, to make bread really appetizing, you need a good tasting spread on it. And that's the reason you should know about parquet margarine. It's a really delicious, wholesome spread for bread made by craft. You see, parquet is economical, so you can serve your family all they want. And if you haven't tasted margarine for a good long time, you're going to be pleasantly surprised when you taste parquet. Parquet's flavor is something you'll want to tell your friends about. It's so delicate and appetizing, so downright good. Besides using parquet as a spread, you'll want to use it for baking and pan-frying too. It's a fine energy food that helps provide the vitamin A your family needs. You're going to be pleased with parquet's economy too. So order a pound or two tomorrow. Just ask for parquet, B-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet the margarine made by craft. Well, Summerfield is a flutter. Showbills have appeared around town announcing a revival of the student prince starring Vera Laval of the original company. When the box office opened this morning, the first in line was our friend, the great gilder sleeve. And we find him now at home, stretched out on the couch, gazing into the fire and warming himself in the memory of days gone by. While through his head run the immortal melodies of Sigmund Romberg. I have a dream of you, a fashion of a store. She was lovely. She was lovely. Vera Laval. A song that makes fun of anyone's physical peculiarities. Oh, I have to take it personally. I don't see any other way to take it. It's certainly not music. Mr. Five, sing that song. Were you singing Mr. Gerslie? Let me make my position clear to everyone. I do not like Mr. Five by Five. I don't want to hear it. You must sing it, sing it when I'm not around. Yes, sir. Can I even play the record? No. Ready, slack. I don't care if it's Kusavitsky's. I don't like it. But why not, huh? Because it's, well, it's ungrammatical for one thing. He don't measure no more. What kind of talk is that? That's jive talk. Jive talk? Well, I'm not going to have this place turned into a juke joint and that's final. Let's have no more discussion of it. Birdie? The lunch dinner going to be ready? Oh, my goodness. That's what I came in to tell you. What? It's ready. Leroy, why don't you stand up and tell your sister, will you? Oh! Don't stand down here and whistle. Go up and tell her. Okay. I'll be right in, Birdie. By the way, what are we having tonight? Well, we have a turkey. But we had turkey last night. We've had turkey croquettes. We've had turkey hash. We've had cold turkey and warmed over turkey. Well, that's turkey for you. Give it here. No, now give it to me. It's mine. Just a minute, my dear. Don't snatch. Well, I don't see why he has to come snooping around my bedroom. Uncle Mark told me to. I told you nothing of the kind. I told you to go up and tell her dinner was ready. And it is. Come on, we'll settle this at the dinner table. Leroy has no business taking things that don't belong to him. You're quite right, my dear. Leroy, give it back to her, whatever it is. What is it anyway? Nothing. It's just an old picture out of a magazine. It's Alan Ladd. She thinks he's murdered. Leroy, I'd like to break your neck. And who may I ask is Alan Ladd? You know, when he played in that movie with Veronica Lake. Who's Veronica Lake? Are you kidding? Come one step closer, bud, and you're dead. That is not like Alan Ladd. Well, you all know Veronica Lake. Leroy eats a soup. I don't know what this generation is coming to anyway. Movies, gangsters, juke joints, Mr. Five by Five. Yeah. In my day, we had good, wholesome, artistic entertainment, and we enjoyed it. Such as what, Uncle Mord? The merry widow? Oh, you kid. No, no, not the merry widow. I'm not quite as old and dilapidated as you might think. Well, what? I'd like to know what you thought was hot stuff when you were young. Marjorie, I don't recall that we ever referred to it as hot stuff. But as long as I live, I'll never forget a performance I saw of the student prince. Oh, brother. Oh, for goodness' sake, he's staying here right now. It opens tomorrow. I know that, my dear. And with the same star I saw in it, Vera Laval. She was a gorgeous thing. Golden curls and blue eyes and dimples and a smile. Well, I saw it four times. My Uncle Mord, I never thought of you as a stage door Johnny. You may think you're joking, my dear. In fact, I did wait outside the stage door for one afternoon. I stood three hours in the snow just waiting for a glimpse of her. What happened? Nothing. They weren't giving a matinee that day. I think that's sad. Oh, but that didn't stop me. I went back to the stage door again that night. Did she come out? No, she came out the front door. But I saw her and I ran after her. And that was when she spoke to me. What did she say? Well, I remember she was getting into a cab. And I saw a glove lying at her feet. I picked it up and gave it to her. And what did she say? She said it wasn't hers. But she was wonderful. I remember a song she sang. Deep in my heart, dear, I have a dream of you, fashion of starlight, perfume of roo-o. When I sang that, the whole audience rose to his feet as one man. I walked out. Young man, have you ever seen The Student Prince? No. And I'll thank you to reserve criticism until you have. Excuse me. Is everything all right? Yes, Bertie. I'll ring when we finish the suit. Yes, ma'am. I thought I heard Mr. Gillesley hollering. What? Mr. Gillesley was not hollering. The idea is... I don't know. I've been hearing things lately. Must be the gremlins or something. You may take up my plate now, Bertie. I don't care for any suit. Did it all? Did I? Oh, well, take it away, anyway. I'm not very hungry this evening. I didn't mean to make you mad, uncle. I'm not mad, Leroy. I'm just distressed at what seems to be a serious lack in your education. That's all. You'd spend less time listening to Mr. Five by Five. Bye, George. Tomorrow night, I'm going to take you and Marjorie to hear The Student Prince. Oh, gosh, uncle. I'm afraid I can't make it. What do you mean you can't make it? I'm offering to take you to the theater, young man. Live actors on a real stage. I'm thinking that hasn't been seen in Summerfield in 10 years. You understand? I know, but, um... But what? Well, Toots Malarkey is breaking in a new band out at the Avalon Ballroom tomorrow night. Toots Malarkey for sooth. But he's got a drum bone player that's supposed to be out of this world. And he's got Mary Muffin singing the vocals. You too, my dear. All right, you can have your Toots Malarkey and your Mary Muffin. I know somebody who can appreciate good music when she hears it. And I'm going over there right now. Mr. Guilty Good-Dimmon, you coming back? I'm having the slightest idea. Yep. It's the gremlins. I'd love to go to the play with y'all, really, would, but just about an hour ago, Judge Hooker called up. Oh, Hooker. Yes, and he asked me to go with him. Well, Lila, of course, the judge is tone deaf, but if you don't mind that. Oh, I've ever saw my trove go with you, Throckmorton, because I know y'all real love of music and all, but I can't very well turn the judge down now, can I? No, I suppose not. I just hope he won't spoil it for you, that's all. How do you mean, spoil it? Well, as soon as he gets in the theater, he usually goes to sleep. Oh. Yeah, and when he sleeps, he snores. Oh, dear. And when he snores, oh, brother. How dare I do hope he won't be conspicuous. Conspicuous? They'll probably throw him out before he gets too bad. They usually do. Well, I hope you enjoy it, Lila. Oh, don't go, Throckmorton. Yes, I've got to go. I've got to get down to the hotel and pay my respects to Kitty. She'll be expecting me. Kitty? Vera Laval, the actress. Her friends call her Kitty. Oh, you know her? Oh, yes, yes. We met some years ago. Did you know her well? Yeah. Well, Throckmorton, you never told me about that. That was bad to tell. It was the old story. She had her career, so eventually she went her way and I went mine. She was a lovely creature, though. And now, after all these years, we meet again. Life is funny, isn't it? Yes. Yes. I remember the night I first met her. It was in front of the theater, the Tivoli. She was waiting for a car and she dropped her glove. I still have it. Oh, Throckmorton, you're so romantic. You know, people used to tell me I ought to go on the stage. They did? Yes. You know, I'd love to meet your friend. I'll tell you what, I'm giving a little chafing dish supper here after the theater tomorrow night. Why don't you come and bring this whatever her name is? Oh, I'm afraid I couldn't do that. Kitty's the shy type, and you know how actresses hate publicity or anything like that. Oh, do they? Yes. And anyway, with Hooker here, well, you know, he's a little untoothed. He wouldn't know how to behave with an actress. Well, try to come anyway, will you? I will if I can, Lila. Uh, got to go now. Well, goodbye. Well, what is it, Throckmorton? Have you forgotten something? Uh, e-gadge. She was lovely. Goodbye, Lila. Goodbye, Throckmorton. Come in, Judge. Come in. Now, maybe a little while, Judge. I'm giving Mr. Gilder a sleeve of the works here. A little massage. What are you doing, Gilder? Have your face lifted? No, I'm... Oh, get that stuff out of my mouth, Floyd. Sorry, I didn't know you were going to open it. You think I could keep it closed with that old goat-sounding offer out here? Uh, take the other chair there, Judge. Got some new magazines, light, pick, radio mirror. Got a new Esquire. I've seen it. Well, you don't lose any time. I don't come in yesterday. Come on, you book lovers. Let's get on with this, Floyd. I've got things to do. Yeah, make it pretty, Floyd. He's got a big romance on tonight. Who told you? Oh, a little bird. Yeah, a little bird named Lila Ransom. I guess I sort of cut you out there, didn't I, Gilder? I guess you were a little slow on the trigger. Cut me out, nothing. I've got other plans. Yeah, I heard all about that. Floyd, you may not believe it, but our friend Gilder's leave here was quite a Romeo in his younger days. Oh, now, Hooker. He was just like that with Vera LaVell. You mean the actress? Yeah, if you could call her that. Nah, listen here, Hooker. Vera LaVell could have gone into the Metropolitan Opera. Now, why didn't she? She was too pretty. The cream of Donna was jealous. Who told you that? Vera LaVell? Well, maybe she did, and maybe she didn't. Oh, Gilder's leave. Who do you think you're fooling? You may be able to fool Lila Ransom with those stories, but not me. You don't know Vera LaVell any more than I do. Oh, no, prove it. I don't have to prove it, but I'll bet you you can't even get the woman's autograph. All right, I'll bet you a new hat. What do you want with a new hat? You never had any trouble talking through the old one. I got him that time, didn't I, Floyd? Yeah, that was a good one, Judge. Yes, all right, Booker. Just for that, I'll fix you. I'll see you at Lila Ransom tonight, and I'll only turn up tonight with Vera LaVell's autograph. I'll turn up with Vera LaVell. I'll fix you. Ew, who am I fixing? The Great Gilder's Leave will be with us again in a few seconds. If you read the food pages in the newspapers and magazines, you know how important our government thinks good nutrition is these days. Our health and strength really depend to a large extent on the wholesome nourishing food we eat. So you'll be glad to know that the right foods need not be expensive, and an example of that is parquet margarine, the delicious nourishing spread for bread made by crabs. You see, besides being mighty good-tasting, parquet margarine is an economical source of important food elements. Parquet is one of the best energy foods you can serve. It helps provide the vital energy your family needs for hard work and play. And parquet margarine is a reliable year-round source of vitamin A. Every pound contains 9,000 units of this important vitamin. Yes, parquet is one of America's highly nutritious foods, yet it's wonderfully thrifty, too. So put parquet margarine on tomorrow's grocery list. Remember it's parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine made by crabs. Now let's get back to the great Gildersleeve, whom we find preparing himself for an evening of high adventure. He's bathed and shaved, and now with his dress trousers dragging and his suspenders drooping, he burrows through his bedroom closet, looking for his patent leather shoes. I wish Birdie wouldn't keep straightening out this closet. I saw those shoes only last week. Birdie! Oh, here they are. What is it, Mr. Gildersleeve? Nothing. Look at the dust on the darn things. Inside them, too. A miniature storm. You'd think Birdie would get into that closet once in a while. I'd better speak to her. How's it going? Yes, Marjorie. Would you please make Lee Roy get out of the tub? Make him what? I'm not in the tub. I'm talking about Lee Roy. Oh, Lee Roy, whatever you're doing, stop it. Birdie put all the studs in my shirt. That's just like finding money. Let's see. Front collar button. There you are. No back collar button. Well, I'll use the wooden one from the laundry. Come to think of it, that's what I had to use the last time. Who's that? It's me, Mr. Gildersleeve. Oh, yes, Birdie? I got you right time. I'll put it right here on the door now. Thank you, Birdie. Oh, that looks fine. I'm on my way. Yes, Lee Roy? Marjorie! Why don't you use your own? It's busted. That's ridiculous. What do you mean it's busted? No teeth. Well, let him use it this once, Marjorie, and stop this bickering and we'll never get to the theater. No wonder who thought of a white tie to go with a tailed coat. Looked like a penguin. Ugh, this vest doesn't come down very far. Guess I'll have to button the top button of the pants after all. Yeah. Now, the coat. Ugh. Ah, George Gildersleeve, you're a fine figure of a man. Wait a little easier than that. You'll make Hooker wish he'd never been born. Hooker with his 1929 tuxedo. Oh, Mr. Gildersleeve? All dressed up, I see. Never mind that, Peter. Give me a half a dozen pantelas. I'm in a hurry. The children are waiting outside. Pantelas? Why, you usually take... Yeah, I know, perfectos, but I need them to fit my case here. Ooh, cigar case, too. You must be going down to the opera house. That's right. I'm stepping out later, too, with the star of the show. Well, that's real friendly of you, Mr. Gildersleeve. I suppose he is a stranger in town. PV, I'm stepping out with Miss Viral Laval. Ooh, stepping out. Yes, Miss Laval and I were rather close friends some years ago. I guess those actresses like to flirt, don't they? Where did you ever hear that? Did you ever take her to one of those intimate little suppers? I'm not talking, PV. Mr. Gildersleeve, did you ever drink out of her slipper? That chapter of my life is a closed book, PV. I see. But I may open it up for just one little peek. Well, in that case, have you thought of taking her a box of candy, Mr. Gildersleeve? A nice selection of chocolates often makes a favorable impression on a woman. I'm saying it with flowers, PV. You see this corsage? Oh, very nice. Such a refined odor. Of course, Mrs. PV is very partial to geraniums. You don't give an actress geraniums, PV. Actresses need special handling. Actresses are entirely different from ordinary women. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. Don't you fool yourself, PV. With an actress, you never know where you are. An actress can look you right in the eye and lie like a trooper. She can laugh one minute and cry the next. She can run through the whole gamut of human emotions in no time. And for no reason. Yeah, so can Mrs. PV. Give me those panatellas. Oh, yeah, here you are. Oh, Mr. Gildersleeve, I couldn't interest you in a new perfume for men. It's called Heather. No, perfume is for people who have something to conceal and I haven't. Have I, PV? Well, not really, Mr. Gildersleeve. Nothing to be ashamed of, but mothballs do have a characteristic aroma. It'll wear off. Good night, PV. Good night, Mr. Gildersleeve. Call this an opera house? No remarks, young man. Looks like a Roman ruin. This was a very fine theater in its day. It's a dump alongside the majestic. Quiet, you. You're going to see this whether you like it or not. So stop beefing. Okay. Hey, uncle, can we buy some candy? Where are we going to buy candy? They were selling it out in the lobby. We just got settled, Leroy. Why didn't you ask for it then? No, you can't have any candy. We didn't get any programs, Uncle Mark. Oh, so we didn't. Uh, I sure... Miss... Well, I'll get it when she comes back. Oh, there's Dr. Pettibone and Mrs. Pettibone. Hello! Oh, boy, that's a loud. People are looking at you. Hey, uncle. No, Leroy, you may not. What is it? When does the show start? 8.30. Do they give us a newsreel or do we just get this student prince thing? Suppose you just wait and see. Hey, look! Hooker's coming down the aisle. Who? His honor, the old girl. And Mrs. Ransom's with him. Say, they're coming in here. They must be sitting in these seats right ahead of us. Yeah, Hooker fixed that. He did it deliberately. Oh, how could he, Uncle Mark? I don't know, but it's no coincidence. He did it to burn me up. Oh, good evening, Leela. Hello, Horace. Well, isn't this nice? We're all practically sitting together. Yeah, it's quite a coincidence, isn't it? Hello, Marjorie. Hello. Leroy. Hi. Didn't know you were bringing the brood, Gildy. I'm leaving. I'm after the show. My, you're looking so distinguished this evening, Trockmont. Oh, thank you. You're looking well yourself. Say, Gildy, have you got a pocket full of moth balls? Or have you been sleeping in a cedar closet? Excuse me, Judge. Miss, Miss, would you mind stopping in the usher there, please, Madam? Thank you. Where's that card now? Miss, would you kindly take this calling card back upstage and give it to Miss Laval with my compliments? Yeah, Vera Laval, the star of the show. More not so loud. Everyone in the theater can hear you. Yes, Miss. You'll be thrilled when she learns I'm out front tonight. She sent her some flowers, of course, earlier, her favorite kind. I just wrote on the card from an old admirer that she'll know. Loud, Gildy. They can't hear you up in the balcony. Oh, Trockmont. Yes, Lila? I do hope you'll be coming to my house after the show and bring your friend. Yes, don't forget the friend. Well, she's not too tired, Lila. We'd love to. Hey, look at the lights. Isn't this exciting, kids? This is what I love about the theater. But the lights go down and the curtain's just about to go up. There's nothing like it. The orchestra's coming in now. See the heads? Yeah, like a raw pool of walls. Can you imagine any of those guys playing with touch malarkey? It's you waiting, Roy. You're going to love this. It's got some of the most wonderful music. There's one scene in particular where Kathy comes in. That's Vera Laval, and they sing, Deep in my heart, dear. Come on, please. How about people sing? Yeah, forgive me, my dear. I always forget myself when I hear that song. You see, we used to think of that as our song. Oh, for goodness' sake. Usher, will you ask them to stop that racket back there? Uncle Moore, it'll be Usher. She's signaling to you. She can't do anything to me. I'm not disturbing anybody. No, no. She's got a card for you. Look, she's passing it in. A card? Oh, a card. It must be from Vera. Or Kitty, as we call her. It must be from her. Thank you, Miss. My goodness, it is from her. She wants me to come back to her dressing room. Hey, where are you going, huh? Backstage. I'll probably see the show from the wings. You and Marjorie stay here and enjoy it. I want you to enjoy it. Hey, let me out of there. I mean, pardon me. Would you, Madam? Oh, so my corn. It doesn't blow up again. Well, I've got the cheese and everything. Oh, I suppose I might as well start it. Leela, I owe you an apology. I've seen some bad performances in my time. But that one tonight, wow. Agree with you, Judge. I quite enjoyed it. And I thought Vera Laval took her part real well. Of course, I could have sworn she was wall-eyed, but maybe it was just where I was sitting. I'll tell you one thing. She'll never see 50 again. Well, you can hardly blame the poor creature for that. But those costumes. I mean, really? Do you suppose she made them herself? Oh, I wonder if that could be her now. If it isn't, gilder sleeve owes me a hat. I'll go, Leela. Gildy, come here. Miss Laval, may I present Judge Horace Hooker? Oh, how do you do? This is a pleasure, Miss Laval. Judge Hooker is our local constable, so to speak. Always glad to meet a judge socially. Yes. And our hostess, Mrs. Ransom, Miss Laval. I'm just so thrilled you could call Miss Laval. But, darling, you were such a darling to invite me. I smell something cooking. Well, surely. Judge Hooker and I were just singing, Miss Laval, how much we enjoyed your performance. Oh, did you, darling? Thanks so much. Oh, I'm afraid I wasn't really in voice tonight. I was nervous for some reason. Oh, yes, I can imagine. It must be quite exciting you and Throckmont eating again after all these years. Oh, Leela. And you knowin' each other so terribly well and down. Excuse me, Leela. Vera, I'm gonna hold you to that promise you made. What promise was that? You know you were going to sing. Oh, you've been after me all evening to sing as if I hadn't sung enough already. But you said you would. Oh, but not right now, not before the Welsh Railway. That's right now, this very minute. Please, Vera. Oh, he's cute, isn't he? How can I resist him? But you are big. Oh, good. Thank goodness. Brought you two together. Brought who together? Well, what shall it be? Well, after all, Vera, there's only one song where you're concerned. That's it, that's it. Oh, no, if you don't mind. I think I'd rather sing a new song. Oh, a new song? What's that? One that will always remind me of you. Oh, that's wonderful. All right, you say it. Well, it's almost 12, my dear. Did you have a good time at Mrs. Ransom? Yes, yes, yes. I love the student prince. Marjorie, would you mind not singing that? But I thought you liked it. As far as I'm concerned, I wish the student prince had never gone to college. Wish he'd gone to reform school. Good night, my dear. Good night, everybody. The music heard on this program was composed and conducted by Billy Mills. This is Frank Bingman speaking for The Craft Cheese Company, and inviting you to tune in again next week for the further adventures of the Great Gelder's League. Do you like macaroni and cheese? If you do, listen to this. Your grocer has a product that gives you wonderful macaroni and cheese in just seven minutes cooking time. The name of this product is Kraft Dinner. In a package of Kraft Dinner is a special type of quick cooking macaroni and some Kraft grated, which puts grand cheese flavor through and through the macaroni. You cook this special macaroni in boiling water for seven minutes, just seven minutes. Then you sprinkle in the Kraft grated. 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