 This week on the anxious truth. We're gonna talk about what your anxiety support system looks like and some of the misconceptions about what it should look like So let's go. Hey, welcome back everybody. This is the anxious truth podcast episode number 203 entitled what does your anxiety support system look like those of you who are new to the podcast? I am Drulence a lot a creator and host of the anxious truth This is the podcast where we cover all things anxiety and anxiety recovery So if your problems are panic attacks panic disorder agoraphobia, you are here in the right place I am glad you're here. Welcome. And if you're a returning listener or viewer, of course, welcome. You're always welcome here Thank you for coming back. So today, we're gonna talk about your anxiety support system And we're probably gonna talk primarily about online support because that's sort of the arena that I'm in But we're gonna talk about support in general What does your support system look like and kind of misconceptions about what people think support is supposed to be? Especially in the beginning of recovery now before we do that, you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna remind you that the anxious truth is more than just this one podcast episode There are three really excellent books and anxiety and anxiety recovery that I have written and published And they seem to be helping a whole lot of people one of which is completely free if you want it There's 200 other podcast episodes There's a ton of social media posting and presence and then there's the morning lose newsletter called the anxious morning Which is a short little email Little essay on anxiety recovery delivered into your email box every weekday morning There's also a corresponding little morning podcast with that all of those resources can be found at the anxious truth calm as Can all the ways that you can support this work if I'm helping you in some way? And you want to find a way to keep this ad and sponsorship free, which is my goal You want to find a way to support the work? You can find all the ways to do that at the anxious truth calm slash support Never required always appreciated. I appreciate all you guys no matter what you do Anyway, let's get on to the topic at hand We're gonna talk about anxiety support like what does your support system look like now? We all know that we kind of you know, everybody should have a support system, right? This is not news For some people that are kind of isolated it can be difficult Maybe you don't feel like you have a support system and that that's a little bit of a different animal We could talk about that another time but What does your support system look like let's start with the misconception Especially early on when you first get into this journey and like if you're new if you just stumbled upon the anxious truth today Because you're dealing with panic attacks or you're agoraphobic and that sort of stuff You're dealing with anxiety problems And this is the first podcast episode you're ever gonna listen to because you sort of accidentally found me on YouTube or something Then this may pertain to you a lot of people think that support Those are the people that you go to your support system is there to soothe you and calm you and Help you ground and make you feel better and tell you that everything is gonna be okay, right? That's what support is right Well, not so much like in this thing that we do where everything is like up is down and black and white black is white And it's topsy-turvy and counterintuitive That's not really the best support now. Look everybody needs that now and then I'm not trying to dehumanize this or take that away from anybody Everybody needs a shoulder to cry on and somebody to vent to and be frustrated with now and then that's okay Your support system does provide that function when you feel like you just had enough and you need to bitch and moan and whine Or cry and just need a place to rest. Well, your support system can provide that there's nothing wrong with that at all however That thing where we will expect our support people to soothe us to make us feel better to calm us to rescue us To just keep telling us again and again and again and again that we are really okay No matter how many times we ask That's not really building a great support system So you may have that in your life and that's you know great that you have people who care for you and love you and want to Be there for you and I think As far as the point of view of those people like our support people they probably want to do that So it would be like, you know pretty common for our support folks to want to be that they you want it You know, I would they want to tell us that it's gonna be okay. They want to sue this They want they don't want us to suffer. They don't want us to feel bad. They want to make us feel better They want to fix it. They want to prop all of those things So it could be really easy if you think that that's what support is supposed to be Like I I demand that you make me feel better and soothe me and tell me once again that it's only anxiety And I'm gonna be okay Then you better do that like that's what support is right and they may feed into that and think well I love you so of course I'm gonna try to make you feel better But that creates kind of a weird situation where you're just getting this continuous stream of support air quotes But things aren't really changing for you So if you find yourself in that situation, let's relook at what your support system should really look like now This is especially by the way prevalent online. So your personal relationships IRL like in real life may look like this This is what you are asking of your friends and your family in real life to do for you online is Especially guilty of that and here's why as a content creator I'm gonna tell you flat out and give you like here's a little look behind the scenes We're gonna give you a secret. I probably not supposed to tell you. I don't know Maybe they're gonna hunt me down and kill you if I do but I'm gonna tell you anyway so as a content creator in the mental health space I Get rewarded. How do I get rewarded? I get rewarded with subscriptions on YouTube and follows on on Instagram and people who like my page on Facebook and an Engagement and all I get I get rewarded with eyeballs Google thinks they're rewarding me with eyeballs. You know views and attention. That's not what motivates me But in that world that is the reward that the creator gets Because theoretically if you're in this to just do nothing but make money from people's attention The more attention you get the more eyeballs the more glue that you able to stick people to you as a creator and influencer The more money you can the more you can monetize that So that is what the system is set up to do So the system is set up that way so that from a creator and influencer standpoint I would I'd have a much larger audience. I'm telling you right now if all I did all day long was to tell you how anxiety felt if all I did was rehash symptoms and say it's Terrible and we need more awareness and nobody understands and and this too shall pass and you're a warrior and you're a goddess If I just did that all day long I would have a much larger following than I already have now If I just told you ways to soothe yourself and ground yourself and things to sniff and eat and swallow and rub on Your skin. I would have a much larger audience than I do right now because that's what we sort of want by default we want to be soothed and People who create content like this online will be rewarded for meeting that need but that need is good for Short-term comfort not good for recovery that meeting that need is really good for Mark Zuckerberg and his empire or the Google Empire Or whoever you happen to be it's really good for them But it's it's not good for recovery and then on the flip side forget that there's a creator an influencer in the mix They were just people gathering in a Facebook group or an online forum and some kind and Everybody is there wanting to be soothed and everybody wants to validate how horrible and debilitating and nobody understands And I need to be accommodated because I refuse to go do the school pickup If you get a bunch of anxious people in a room and everybody wants that as their primary need because this thing that gives you Immediate relief temporarily then that's going to become the modus operandi like that will be the standard operating procedure in that social community So whether there's somebody like me sort of leading the charge or it's just a bunch of anxious people getting together and talking amongst themselves That is what support will almost automatically look like all the time Except then you wind up in a swirling quagmire of symptoms and comparing and does anybody else and oh this is horrible And you got this girl, but nothing ever really changes You're just immersed in like sharing everybody's misery with each other every day and again I'm not trying to completely discount that like even your online support systems should be able to give you a place where when you're Really frustrated you can kind of roll in and say mother effort like I just hate this. Okay. We understand we hate this Come here. Let me give you a hug. That's okay. That's part of it. It just can't be all of it So when you are looking at it building a support system It's now you don't have really too much of a choice in real life because you can't pick your family You were born with them and and your friends you kind of already have you just can't manufacture new friends instantaneously in real life But online you can choose where you go So what is your support system look like online in real life you when you start to realize that? Really the best support system is one that is a cheerleading support system. It's an encouraging support system It's an inspiring support system that system is there to prop you up and help you realize just how capable and strong you are To cheer for you and remind you you're gonna have to do some hard things and we know you can do it We're here cheering for you while you do them that is the most recovery focused support You can have in this process of course that support system also has to be there when you need a shoulder to cry And you just need a place to vent or rest for a minute has to serve that purpose too But that can't be its only purpose or its primary purpose So you may have to start to once you realize this accept this and and really really accept it like okay This is really what I need to help me get better Well, you can start to retrain your friends and your family and then you also get to pick You know the type of information you consume online if you are consuming anxiety and mental health information all day long That just validates again and again and again that it's hard. We get it. It's hard We all know this but if that's all you see all day long is the struggle and the struggle and you know It's okay to not be okay. Those messages do matter We need to be validated, but they can't be the primary thing that you have hammering you all day long Like I feel so can you tell that I feel pretty strongly about this because I'm kind of bordering on rant right now Ten minutes in like that's really good for the content creator. They are getting rewarded for that And that's that's why people have 300,000 followers and 400,000 followers and you know people like me don't it's okay I'm not complaining in any way shape or I frankly good and couldn't give a rat's ass How many followers I have in the end? That's not why I got into this. I don't care But there's a reason why the algorithms will always boost that sort of stuff So be mindful of that be mindful of what kind of information you are consuming. That's part of your support Are you consuming information that educates you inspires you encourages you and props you up? You know leads you in a recovery focused direction Are you primarily consuming information that validates just how hard this is and and how miserable you are and Everyone else is and oh one day. I hope we will overcome this if I hear that one more time. I'm gonna lose my shit so Be careful about the information you are Consuming like let find things that will educate inspire encourage you motivate you all those things consume those two I would say consume those primarily that you might think this is really self-serving because I kind of think that's the content that I'm producing but okay This is my podcast and there's a reason why you say that so try to consume that information Primarily is your support system, but on the flip side in a social community where you want to interact with people Who are you interacting with are you in a community online that does nothing? But commiserate and share symptoms and talk about how hard it is and compare ways to Temporarily soothe fear that only last two days and you're back looking for soothing again Is that the function of the community or are you dealing with people? Are you surrounding yourself with people who are willing to motivate educate inspire encourage prop you up cheer for you? Be there when you stumble because we stumb we all stumble But but cheer for you to get up and try to run and if you fall we'll catch you that's okay Like we're all doing that for each other. That's the place that I would strongly suggest you try to be It makes a difference so who are you surrounding yourself with you can't pick your friends and your family But you can start to talk to them and ask them to treat you differently Online you can a hundred percent pick your friends so you can completely decide where you're gonna hang out And I would strongly suggest that you begin to your support system start to surround yourself with people in the cyber world Who the hell uses the word cyber anymore, but in that world in the online world surround yourself with people who are not only Trying to recover but are doing the work of recovery Like surround yourself with people who are actively recovering so that you can actively cover recover along with them And you can cheer for each other and prop each other up Right and and inspire each other and learn from each other and model the behavior of each other like that's super valuable It's probably the best recovery thing that we have on the internet So avail yourself of it if you can So the quite the name of this podcast is what does your support system look like? Does it look like a giant soothing and constant reassurance and temporary comfort system? Or does it look like a system that will educate you inspire you encourage you prop you up and help you discover How capable you really are of getting this job done because you are if you weren't I would not spend so much time talking to the stupid microphone in this camera So which one of those things does your do you think benefits you more? Where are you spending your time? Who are you giving your attention to? If you want to become a better racquetball player, I was told many years ago by a dude who was 30 years older than me at the time and Stook me to school. I'll never forget Frank Patton challenged me to a racquetball match I was a young snot nose with a resting heart rate of like 50 I thought it was a great racquetball player and he Kicked my ass up and down that court I'll never forget and he looked at me he said you want to get better son play with people that are better than you And guess what that applies if you're a musician if you're learning languages Anything if you're an artist hang out with talented artists If you want to be a guitar player hang out with good guitar players If you want to learn to speak french hang out with french-speaking people and if you want to recover hang out with recovering people Those are your people That is what your support systems should look like now I happen to know a place currently located on facebook where you'll find a lot of that Just saying and those of you who are in my facebook group will attest to that I'm incredibly proud of that group of now 8500 people for what that is And you know my admin and moderating team. I love all of them dealie have a lot to do with that But find play find the people who are doing the work and then go hang out with them and do it with them And and and root for each other and prop each other up and you need to that's a good support system And then you can work on your real life support people too. Hey, I need you to not coddle me I need you to just remind me that I can do this, please That's the best support you're going to get it's the most recovery focused support You're going to get so look for that and build that and cultivate that you can you got a choice Make good choices advocate for yourself hang out with people who are going to help you get down the road And there you go That is episode 203 of the anxious truth. I hope it has been helpful I do understand that it was a bit of a rant for sure But that rant has come to an end and you know it's at an end because music That is afterglow by ben drake As I play at the end of every podcast episode find ben and his music at ben drake music.com If you have comments and questions about this podcast episode Ask me in the facebook group comment on instagram comment on youtube. I'm active on youtube now I'll see them all and answer you that's totally cool What else can I tell you if you're watching if you're watching on youtube? Certainly like and subscribe if you are listening to the podcast on itunes or spotify Where you can rate and review then leave a five star rating and write a little review So other people find the podcast and that's it. We're done for this week. I'll be back next week I do not know what I'm going to talk about, but I will be here as always So keep your eyes on the prize keep moving forward and remember as always that this is the way