 السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على أشرف الانبياء والمرسلين نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه والتابعين ومن تبعهم بإحسان إلى يوم الدين وبعض We praise Allah سبحانه وتعالى we thank him upon everything he has granted us We really praise Allah سبحانه وتعالى it is important for us to ponder over the gifts of Allah سبحانه وتعالى for indeed it is only upon pondering that we will realize his gifts today we go through so many difficulties so many issues so much of disturbance that sometimes it clouds the way we look at the gifts of Allah سبحانه وتعالى because it requires a pondering upon the gifts of Allah to realize them We send blessings and salutations upon Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم his entire household all his companions may Allah bless them all and bless every single one of us My beloved brothers and sisters in Islam we all know that Allah سبحانه وتعالى has set rules and regulations governing how we will fulfill our desires so Allah made us Allah created us But at the same time Allah knows that as humankind we have certain needs we will have certain needs we will want to do certain things For example a person would love to earn in order to be able to eat good food in order to be able to live in a good home in order to be able to have decent clothing in order to be able to have a decent conveyance or a motor vehicle and so on So Allah سبحانه وتعالى has kept the halal way of doing it which is an act of worship and there is a haram way of doing it which would be a sin and it could be an act of worship when we abstain from it So if someone has a haram way of doing something and they stay away from that solely for the sake of Allah سبحانه وتعالى it's automatically an act of worship If I see for example a wad of pound notes somewhere down here what I do with that would depend whether I would actually earn a reward or a sin If I were to look around and check that there's no one looking and then suddenly pinch it and put it in my pocket and that's it I fail the test and that wealth will not come of any use to me even though temporarily I'll get excited The same rule applies to everything else including marriage And this afternoon we will be witnessing an officiation of a nikah So I want to seize the opportunity to say a few words in this regard Firstly we need to know there is a haram way of doing things If a person would like to abuse a woman or if a person would like to have fun in terms of the opposite sex The door is wide open for anyone and everyone Those who abstain from it for the sake of Allah سبحانه وتعالى Have converted that into a good deed an act of worship And this is why the hadith of the seven people who will be shaded on the day of qiyamah One of them is رجل دعته امرأة ذاته منصب و جمال فقال إني اخاف الله A man who is called or a person who is called by the opposite sex To indulge in that which is immoral and there is no barrier between them and that immorality The person is perhaps of a lot of wealth and a lot of goodness in terms of looks But the soul thing that made them abstain from it is they say I fear Allah I'm worried about the day I return to Allah I'm worried about the answer I will give Allah سبحانه وتعالى If that is the case then they've converted it to such a big act of worship That they actually deserve the shade on the day of qiyamah that is mentioned in the hadith of رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم So this goes to show that Allah سبحانه وتعالى knows the base desire of man And he knows what man would like to fulfill And he's kept two doors one is his door the correct door And the other is the wrong door the door of the devil the door of shaitan So in order for us to be able to fulfill our base desires correctly And in the most beautiful way Allah سبحانه وتعالى has Simplified what we would term نكاح or the marriage In Islam officiation of marriage is one of the most simple things ever Anyone who makes it difficult is fighting with Allah سبحانه وتعالى Remember this and I think culturally sometimes we have so many things that creep in That makes it difficult some people have a notion whereby The woman needs to pay a large amount of money in some cultures And she needs to furnish the house and sometimes she needs to bring about the accommodation in some cultures In other cultures it's the other way around where the man is charged a large sum of money just in order to get married Sometimes people make it so difficult where there is nothing wrong in getting your child married to such and such a person But because we have tribal lines because we have various other little barriers we've created outside of what the framework of Islam is We tend to make it difficult those are the people who are fighting with Allah سبحانه وتعالى When Allah has created ease for something he does it for a purpose And when we create difficulty for the same thing we would be defeating the purpose or we would be fighting the cause And this is why if you take a look at the officiation of نكاح what is required The father of the girl would give her in marriage preferably that is the sunnah way of doing things If he is available we should try our best to have him represent his own daughter But at the same time he needs to make sure that his daughter is happy His daughter is okay with it it is wrong for us to shove it down the women's throats Today people are looking at Islam for example and they have this notion that it is a religion that does not protect the rights of women Whereas in actual fact it is the most protective of not only the rights of women but the women herself Such that we cannot just do something shove it down her throat it's a matter of life It's a matter of the entire life it's a matter of the future we have within our capacity guidance We have within our capacity the ability to guide them to the correct path to advise them and so on But at the end of the day we cannot just come up with a proposition and say my daughter you are now married Or my daughter we are getting you fixed next week who is it well you will find out next week And some people think that is Islam my brothers and sisters it is happening And it happens across the globe with Muslims who sometimes are still bubbling in cultural norms that are far from humanity Let alone the deen of Allah سبحانه وتعالى And this is why it's important for us to know that we would seek the permission of the woman You know you need to seek permission in the sense that even if it is the father even if it is the brothers or someone who is representing the sister or the female They would have to say is it okay for us to get you married to so and so and she would have to agree with it She would have to admit it if she says no we should not feel in our hearts that she has done something wrong She has done something wrong she is exercising her right She is exercising her right And all this as I said earlier is in place from Allah سبحانه وتعالى In order for a system to be fulfilled In order for a system to work correctly If we were all forced in our own situations whose marriages would work It would be an encouragement of immorality an encouragement of adultery An encouragement of misconduct But at the same time what we need to realize if things have been done with the consent of all parties There is a greater likelihood of the heart being in the union There is a greater likelihood of people remaining faithful saying this was my choice How many times have people made the wrong decision And we are not saying we are all angels you know we do sometimes make wrong decisions Sometimes we don't gauge two lovely people but they don't get along How many times have people made the wrong decision But they tell themselves this was my decision I'm going to make sure it works The reason is it was their decision But when it was shoved down their throat ten years down the line They say I never wanted to marry you it was actually my pops who forced me We've heard this comment We've heard people say this to children down the line Why did you waste so much of time of people Why did you tamper with people's lives And this is why we tell the parents Do not be from amongst those who force people It's not Islamic it's nothing grand it's nothing great And if someone has exercised their right to refuse Remember it is part of your duty to accept that they have exercised their right Given to them by Allah Subhanahu Wa'Ta'Ala So this is a very important aspect of the dean That a lot of people take for granted So similarly in the same way that I just said moments ago It's important for us to create ease It is also important for us to take into consideration That a lot of people take for granted So similarly in the same way that I just said moments ago It's important for us to create ease It is also important for us to take into consideration The mindset of the people It's important for us to understand That rejecting something solely on purposes That are not counted in an Islamic situation Is unacceptable For example a proposal comes in the direction of your sister Or your daughter for example And we have no reason to say no Because the dean is okay The khuluq is okay You know the level of dean is fine The level of understanding is more or less similar And there is no reason for us to deny And there is no reason for us to deny And we are just denying solely because you know what They live in the other suburb And we live in this suburb They are from there and we are from here And so on This type of behavior Yes, we may want to guide someone You know as parents We are all myself included We are parents We ask Allah to make it easy for our offspring But it's our duty to guide Sometimes we have a dream in our minds And this dream is that inshallah this will happen That will happen inshallah And you know by the age of 40-45 I'll be a grandfather and so on Wow, lovely plans But remember you plan I plan Allah plans and Allah's plan is final We have to adjust our dream sometimes Based on reality on the ground So I had a big dream for my daughter My son and so on Lovely huge dreams As time passes the dream shall be adjusted based On what Allah has allowed to come to pass This is something that's common logic This is something that is called belief in fate We tried We did our best But what Allah brought forth Is something that he decided It's also a test for us to accept and acknowledge That this is how things happen What is the best we can now do With this entire situation So this is why it's important for us To guide yes But we do not have the capacity To shove things down the throats Of people who are now adults People who perhaps know what they want Sometimes they might be making an error And usually especially nowadays As we are progressing on the globe And we witness what's going on We would advise people that if you have advised Your child and if your child seems Not to digest your advice Perhaps you may allow them to make What you might term to be an error What you might term to be a mistake Temporarily And who knows it might work out I'm not an angel I'm not a prophet I'm not a person who knows the unseen in anyway So I cannot say that this is definitely Not going to work Perhaps it was my advice But because my advice was not palatable It was not digested Maybe we may want to allow them to make Or it might be the better of the options To allow them to make what seems to us To be an error Yet they would either go through One of two things One is perhaps it would work By the will of Allah This is why give your children To pray for them Ask Allah to guide them Ask Allah to open their doors And understand it is Allah And Allah alone who is in control of the hearts So perhaps it might work Alhamdulillah The dua of the people But say for example it didn't And say something went wrong They are always your child They will respect you for having understood them They will respect you for having stood up For them when they needed it most And so on And this is the issue of Nikah If we take a look at the way it happens Simple The father is asked a question Sometimes you can get away with one question But sometimes two One meaning if the permission is already sought By the one who is officiating the Nikah For example One question is to be asked That I am offering you the daughter of so and so Or this person with a mahar of so much In the presence of these witnesses Have you accepted And the young man will say To be clear A good way of doing it is To ask the representative Or guardian of the bride To ask him a question That you being the guardian of so and so Have you given her In the Nikah Or in the marriage of so and so With a mahar of X amount And you don't even need to make mention Of the amount You can say the agreed upon mahar Because the world does not need to know Whether you've given a hundred pounds To make things easy Don't make them difficult But at the same time When that question is asked And it is responded to in the affirmative Where he will say yes I have Then the question is now posed to the groom To say So and so being the representative of the bride Whose name is so and so Has just given her in your marriage Or in your Nikah With a mahar of so much In the presence of so many witnesses That are here perhaps this afternoon And he has to say yes I have Subhanallah The minute that happens The Nikah is officiated How long did that take It did not take more than a few seconds This shows that Allah has made things So so easy Now to add a sunnah of Muhammad Which means a practice of our messenger May peace be upon him Was that every time an officiation Of Nikah took place Number one is he would encourage people to attend And this is why he says So one would say let's have it my house Let's have it your house Let's have it at a huge hall and so on The Nikah will be valid It will be correct You have it anywhere you can have it on the street But the more blessed place to have it Is in the house of Allah The house of your own maker And it's such a blessed place I wanted to get married I went to the house of Allah And here it is So what he used to do When the people used to gather To all the categories of people Let's take a look at some of the words he used to say يا معشرة الشباب من استطاع منكم الباءة فليها تزوج فإنه أحصان للفرض و أغض للبصر What a beautiful hadith He says oh youth oh youngsters Whoever is able and capable Get married Meaning don't delay in getting married Don't waste your time You are able you are capable Now get married Because it's better for your sight Speaking to us through محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم Beautiful advice And he is telling us if you are able and capable Get married look at the advice Everyone sees a young man excited So excited on the day of his nikah I recall one day I was officiating a nikah And one of the brothers I asked him So have you accepted her in your nikah And he says ya And I'm like hang on You've got to say yes I have And he says yes you have I said not me you The excitement is what I'm talking People are so excited But what about you who are not married Ask yourself am I not happy for this man Wouldn't I like to be in his place By the will of Allah سبحانه وتعالى You know it's important for us To actively seek a spouse By the will of Allah And you need to know what qualities To look for in a spouse The spouse should be A person whom you are comfortable with To be the parent of your children Either way The qualities that you would be able To comfortably say I am happy for this person To be the parent of my children That is a one word answer One sentence response If you are happy that this person Would be a brilliant father To your children Or a brilliant mother to your children By the will of Allah You won't be going wrong Because you would be looking At the level of closeness To Allah سبحانه وتعالى To be with They might make a good trophy in the arm That means you probably walk down the street With everyone looking around One wonders how long it would last One wonders what would happen to the kids One wonders what would happen to your pocket My beloved sister or brother Depending either way Nowadays you cannot just say brother Because sometimes the sisters are the ones Who have all the cash May Allah سبحانه وتعالى Bless us all May he make it easy for us One of the verses he used to read And I will just speak of one of them A powerful verse It is known as خطبة الحاجة You know the خطبة that was read Before the نكاح And sometimes on special occasions Oh you who believe Be conscious of your maker And only utter that which is upright قول قول سديد Utter that which is upright سديد means straight Why would that advice be for all of us Especially on the occasion Of getting together as spouse The reason is A lot of the times The difficulties caused in marriage Are connected to the tongue Either people speak too much And we recall a case That I was involved in some years back And a guy was complaining My wife talks a lot And when we had spoken to her She said I'm never going to speak again You know how it is with the salt and so on So what happened is She greets no response He says anything no response And then he came back to complain And then she says look Let him make his mind up Do I talk too much Or what's the story To say When to say it And how to say it These are three very important questions Ask yourself What do I want to say How can I say it And is it the right time to say it If any one of those answers are negative Then abstain Stay away from it Perhaps then you might want to remain silent But if for example It's the time to say something And you don't say it And you speak it Which means be conscious of Allah And say that Which is upright So upright meaning far from vulgarity Far from abuse Far from provocation Far from falsehood Far from deception And so on You know no sin in your speech In terms of back-biting Everything else If you can make sure That these two things مرحباً ، ليس فقط في مرحبك ، ولكن في أي شيء ، سبحان الله إذا كنت تقوى الله ، كنت تعرف الله ، your aim is to please Allah سبحانه وتعالى وفي the same time, you are conscious of what you say, how you say it, when you say it وفي all times you will lead a happy life, a much better life than a lot of the others وهذا is why it's important for us to take this advice of the Qur'an حقاً ، الله سبحانه وتعالى in the same verse tells us وإذا كنت تكون شخصاً ، who is conscious of Allah and worried about the tongue then by the will of Allah, your deeds will be made good for you they will be made good for you ترى إذا كنت تقوى الكثير من the good deeds I read my Salah and so on ولكن كنت تبقى بيط and I slander and I swear and I say bad things with my tongue the reward of my Salah is going to go to someone else the reward of the good deeds I've done will go away لذا لن تكون بخير enough for me هذه المرحبات تبقى لأحد else because on one hand I did good and on the other hand I did bad لذا المرحبات تبقى لأحد أحد هذا is why we have a scale when you do good, make sure that you don't cancel it with the bad remember this and so Allah سبحانه وتعالى tells us when you are conscious of Allah and conscious of what you utter we will make your deeds good enough we will make them good, pure and we will forgive you forgive you meaning expiate the minus sense that you have committed by virtue of the goodness you've done I'm sure you've heard of the Hadith if you follow or follow your bad deeds with good deeds so that they may be wiped out wiped out meaning minus sense are wiped out if you continue to do good deeds thereafter and this is something we are taught and this is why Allah says whoever follows what is revealed by Allah سبحانه وتعالى to Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم whoever follows the goodness that is brought definitely they are the ones who will be successful they are the successful a great success may Allah سبحانه وتعالى bless us all