 The Jack Benny program Last Sunday on his television show Jack Benny acted both roles in that famous classic Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Which was written by Robert Louis Stevenson. That's right Stevenson took a beating Wait a minute, and here's the star of our show Jack Benny Thank you. Thank you. Hello again. This is Jack Benny talking and three-dimensional I asked you something about that introduction. Did you write that joke yourself? Well, I don't want to take all the credit my wife helped me write that one. Oh your wife your wife helped J Don she's an actress, isn't she? Jack, you know very well that my wife is an actress You've had her on your program many times. In fact, she was on just last week. That's right Don isn't it a shame that both of you are going to be out of work at the same time I'm sorry. You have no children. I'd enjoy firing them Jack you can't fire me after all the years. I've been with you I started as your announcer in 1934 and doing all these 19 years. I've given you loyalty and devotion Some loyalty and devotion every time I cut your salary you tell everybody Anyway, you ever cut my salary my mother would slap your silly face Dennis in the first place I wasn't talking to you and in the second place. It's about time you showed up. How come you missed rehearsal today? I had a tooth pulled. Oh, oh, well, then I'm sorry was the tooth giving you a lot of pain Dennis. No Did didn't have a cavity. No Then why in the world you have your tooth pulled because the dentist told me $10 and that was the only way I could collect Look kids you let the dentist pull your tooth because he owed you $10. Yeah, I wish he owed me 11 Then I could have had an overcame Anymore, I don't care whether Remly laughs or not. I don't want to go in Now Dennis look it I don't mind so much your missing rehearsal, but the least you could have done is let me know Well, I did I called your house yesterday, and I told Rochester. I couldn't be there. Oh, you did a well I'm gonna call Rochester and find out Just flashing yeah, I wonder what the bad and the pocketful wants now. Yes, mr. Benny Very well, I'll see if I can get him for you He wants I should ring his house and get him Rochester Dude guys, would you sound awfully formal when you were speaking to Jack and did you two have a fight? Jesse other night. He took me to a preview. We saw Rita Hayworth in slow make It was an exciting picture especially when Rita did the dance of the seven bales gosh, did she take off all seven? No, she stopped when she took off number six, but Jack will never know Him lately haven't shit. Yeah, I've been seeing Jack so often I had a turn down a date with Dennis Day last week Well, look who's talking genie with the light brown teeth What are you sure there's no answer? Well keep trying the number. Goodbye What's matter Jack Rochester isn't home, but I'm gonna call him again and Dennis for your sake I hope you were telling me the truth now. It's time for your song. So let's have it. Yes, sir. Oh Hold it kid come in Telegram for Jack Benny. I'm Jack Benny. Oh, here you are I'll be darned it's from Fred Allen Fred Allen. What does he say dear Jack? I have just been informed that I am to appear on your television show That's what I get for telling my agent to get me anything Now come on Dennis, let's get on with it boy. What are you hanging around here for well, sir? I don't mean to appear impudent or presumptuous But when someone delivers a telegram it is customary for the recipient to show his appreciation with a gratuity Here oh boy a Canadian dime now I can summer at Lake Louise Have your song now kids. We have a very important play to do tonight. Hey, where's Bob Crosby? Oh, here I am Bob I just happen to think of something you missed rehearsal to what's your excuse well I had to go down to buy a little gift for Sammy's new baby Sammy the drummer's wife had a baby. Mm-hmm. Gee. I didn't know that. Hey remind me to send something too Okay, no, it's wonderful the way the presents have been rolling in all the musicians said gifts gosh Bagby sent a little blanket Wayne Songer sent a cute little dress Remly sent a sweater that he knitted and gimmick sent the night You said Remly sent a sweater he knitted yeah, I didn't know Remly could knit Jack when you got the shakes like Frankie has You can do wonders with knitting me I guess so after six martinis. He's an Argyle man Now kids is getting late and I think we ought to start on the sketch. We're going to do What about the sketch mr. Benny? Well, it's based on that wonderful universal international picture Mississippi gambler Starring Turone power. I of course will play Turone powers part. Wait a minute Jack. Do you think you're the type? Well, he certainly is He's young handsome and romantic just like Tyrone power. Oh, thanks Dennis. You're loyal and devoted. I'm nuts, too Don set the scene Hold it a minute. Hold it Hello, oh, mr. Benny this Roger sir. I called you before and you were out I had to go down to the market to do some shopping for the house. Oh, what'd you get? I got the world would you buy a bail of alfalfa from know what you're gonna do about that? They don't let you keep them in Beverly Hills Pasadena maybe but not the reason I called is because Dennis Day said he phoned yesterday and told you he'd have to miss rehearsal Oh, yes, boss. I forgot to tell you Oh, you did a well worth any calls today. Yes, sir. I have them right here. Let's see the income tax department called income tax What do they want? What do they want? Oh, it didn't concern you boss. It was about the income I reported Well, what was wrong with it? Nothing. They just called over the sympathy Black's your problem. Were there any other calls? Oh, yes, miss Barbara Stanwood called She's giving a big party tomorrow night and she wants you to be there. Oh good good Black tie or white tie white coat. You'll be parking cars Rochester put some new batteries in my flashlight Goodbye, Rochester Now Don you can set the scene for our sketch. Okay, and now ladies and gentlemen the playhouse presents its version of Mississippi gambler curtain music 18th century the main artery of commerce and transportation between the north and the south was the Mississippi Riverboats used to paddle their way up and down in a never-ending stream aboard these ships as cargo and passengers and a special breed of these passengers was the Mississippi gambler You're very young but try to remember this Never draw to an inside straight Can he money this trip to our own sure there are plenty of suckers aboard But Bob, I don't know whether you're ready to be a professional gambler yet Well, why not? Well, you don't keep a good poker face Well, what makes you say that because I've watched you when you fill a full house You're supposed to sit there with a vacant expression Not jump up on your chair and sing two choruses of Oh happy day For picking let me do the talking would you gentlemen care to while away the time in a friendly game of cards? Why don't mind if I do a come on? We'll play some three-handed poker suits me. Here's the table. Hmm for $50 I'll see that and raise it a hundred. I'll see you'll raise and raise it another hundred. That's too much for me I'm out. Give me two cards for $100. Oh, what do you got? Oh? Aces beats me. I got three aces dealt those nine aces and I'll think you're cheating No man can say that to me sir. Do you know what it means when someone slaps your face with his glove? That means a challenge to a duel. That's right Monsieur and I hope you and I can become good friends Very yes, I want some breakfast orange juice coffee and let's see what can I have with the coffee? Well, we have calls thankless muffins donuts and simmer on rolls Look waiter, bring me some orange juice coffee and a simmer on roll Yesterday I couldn't have brought you any simmer on rolls. Why not? We were out of cinnamon. I'm sorry to be late But I don't talk just come into my arms now. Let me kiss you It is so wonderful It tastes of simmer on Simmer on that's French for cinnamon. I should apologize to the waiter Who can that be? Oh, it must be my brother. He followed me here. Hey wait a minute and miss here At last I have found you you pig you dog you snake. I break you in two Then it's my brother listen to me Oh, I'm sitting on mail a mark a cock. He didn't enjoy her come the floor and who's only les aristocrats Julie marry a sense a guy for K2D What did she say? I do not know but digs that crazy language Monsieur my sister will not marry your gambler. I challenge you to a duel. What I slap your face with my glove You're supposed to take your hand out of it the United States Armed Forces radio service