 Item Number – SCP-111 Object Class – SAFE Special Containment Procedures All specimens of SCP-111 in captivity are housed at Site-19 in a 5 meter by 5 meter by 5 meter plexiglass enclosure, containing a temperate forest habitat transplanted from its natural surroundings. Habitat temperature will be maintained at 30 degrees Celsius. Everything is to take place weekly by personnel placing 3 kilograms of iceberg lettuce into the containment chamber. Water is to be supplied by an automatic misting system which regulates humidity levels at 50%, both for water required by SCP-111 and to prevent fires. In event of SCP-111 specimens breeding, personnel are to collect all eggs and transport them to the biological studies wing for freezing. SCP-111 is an apparently artificial species of invertebrate vaguely resembling snails. Adult specimens of SCP-111 are approximately 20 centimeters in length, 12 centimeters in width, and 15 centimeters in height, although exact size differs slightly between specimens. SCP-111 specimens differ from ordinary snails in that they have a warm-blooded metabolism, complex eyes, small horns consisting of cartilage-ridged tentacles, apparently increased intelligence in a complex vertebrate-type jaw structure. As well, specimens lay eggs possessing hardened shells. Most abnormally, SCP-111 specimens possess small hollow sacs below their lower jaws containing methane from digestive byproducts. A series of data expunged along the inside of the trachea serves as a lighter, igniting stored methane as the specimen exhales, blowing a small jet of flame from its mouth. Said fire-breathing generally occurs in event of stress or anger, although is not apparently used deliberately for destruction, but rather as a warning. This is presumably due to the limited size of methane sacs, which limits SCP-111 specimens in the amount of fire they can exhale at a time, and requiring both time and starch-rich food to refuel. SCP-111's behavior is inconsistent with that of ordinary snail species, including whistling and hooting vocalizations, easily audible to humans, high intellect seen in such tests as data expunged, and parents caring for their young. Hatchlings have been observed imprinting on their parents, other members of their own species, or researchers. This is presumed to be a deliberate trait based on document 111a, as it means that hatchlings imprint upon owners. History On a package containing 12 SCP-111 eggs and document 111a was mailed to data expunged, a Foundation Front organization. Mobile Task Force Alpha-4 have proven unable to locate the sender of said package. Document 111a New from Dr. Wondertainment Dragon snails, the perfect pets for the fantasy-loving child. Care and hatching instructions 1. Having read this document, take the eggs out of the box. Be careful, dragon snail eggs are fragile. 2. Put the eggs in a warm, safe place, and wait 7 to 10 days. 3. Hold your newly hatched dragon snails so they get a good look at you, and think you're their mommy. 4. Enjoy your new pet dragon snails To feed your dragon snails, give your new little friends some raw veggies. Lettuce, Brussels sprouts, beans, any sort of salad stuff you don't want. Remember to give them water, a small glass each, once a day. For your enjoyment, dragon snails come in six types. Breed them for unique pets. Types 1. Slimy bellies Adorable and oozy little fellows, with awesome fire engine red-colored skin, little black horns and belly, and a speckled tan shell, beautiful robin's egg blue eggs. 2. Ooze drakes Inquisitive little creatures, with neat banana-colored skin, curly horns and striped shells, pale tan eggs like a chicken. 3. Goo wyverns Dark blue-gray skin, flattened shells, and a bumpy horned head make goo wyverns look like tiny sea monsters. These are a fantastic glassy green color. 4. Blobworms Green and gold stripes, pointy shells, and a single horn, not to mention fuzzy tails, make blobworms wonderful pets. Eggs or tan, with a silver tint. 5. Glow drakes New from Dr. Wondertainment, these little fellows may look like blue-black slimy bellies until they light up. That's right. Glow drakes glow in the dark. Eggs are a golden color with little red dots. 6. Gunk wyverns Chubby green skinned and dome-shelled, gunk wyverns make great pets. Eggs are transparent, so you can see the baby dragon snail inside. Parental notice As Dr. Wondertainment's dragon snails breathe fire, they have been known to cause house fires. For maximum playtime fun and safety, it is recommended that fire extinguishers be kept handy. Despite this, Dr. Wondertainment is not legally, morally, or financially responsible for any injuries, death, or property damage resulting from the unsafe use of dragon snails or any other Dr. Wondertainment products. By reading this document and incubating your dragon snail eggs, you agree to all said terms and forfeit your rights to lawsuits, to organize boycotts, protests, honor duels, etc. Enjoy your purchase. Item Number SCP-445 Object Class Safe Special Containment Procedures Access to and testing of SCP-445 must be approved by staff with level 2 security clearance or higher, and each request must include a list of tests to be carried out. Any testing must be done with the accompaniment of no less than two guards for the entirety of testing. Any deviation from the pre-approved list of tests will result in immediate termination of testing and a severe reprimand. Addendum As of 6-2000, SCP-445 is to be kept permanently separated from all samples of SCP-445-Alpha as described in isolation protocol IP-445-1. The access and testing regulations given above for SCP-445 apply equally to SCP-445-Alpha. Description SCP-445 consists of three stacks of white 11-inch by 17-inch paper. Each individual leaf has the text, Dr. Wondertainment Super Paper stamped on the bottom-left corner. While in its natural state, SCP-445 cannot be torn or burned, water has no adverse effect on it, and glue or tape will not stick to SCP-445. Description of SCP-445 is found that its fibers are much denser than normal paper fibers, at 3,000 kg a cubic meter, and a micro-layer of an unidentifiable substance is coated on each individual fiber. When SCP-445 is folded into a representation of an object, SCP-445 takes on the qualities of the object in question. While in its folded state, SCP-445 can only be unfolded into its original state by the person who originally folded it. SCP-445 can also be rolled, and it will stick to itself if slight pressure is applied. Drawing on SCP-445 does not produce any unusual effect, with the exception of any details illustrated for folded or rolled objects. A variant of SCP-445, designated SCP-445-Alpha, was created on 6 f*****g 2000 f*****g via exposure of SCP-445 samples to SCP-73. Physically, SCP-445-Alpha is almost identical to SCP-445, the only difference being a slight reddish tint to SCP-445-Alpha. However, SCP-445-Alpha behaves differently to SCP-445 when folded. Addendum 10-15 Dr. R. Testing Log Folded into a paper tube, when observed through one of the open ends, SCP-445 acted as a handheld telescope, enhancing the view of objects within a 25-foot distance. Folded into a Christmas tree. Remained stable when stood upright. When green and red lights were drawn onto the tree, they lit up, despite the lack of a physical light source. Folded into a small knife. Became very sturdy and sharp, giving several researchers paper cuts when attempting to hold it, able to hold its own against actual metal weaponry. Folded into a conical paper tube. Folded as a megaphone, though amplified only the folder's voice. When a volume control was drawn onto the side, the folder was able to change the volume of the megaphone. Folded into a paper cup. Became very rigid, able to hold extremely hot or volatile liquids without any sign of tearing or melting. Folded into a paper crane. Remanimate, much like SCP-368, though much slower and easily catchable, recommended research into a possible connection between the two. Folded into a paper boat slash hat. When placed in water, became self-propelling at speeds of up to 60 kilometers an hour. When inverted and placed on head, subject's physical attractiveness was greatly increased in the eyes of viewers. When both were performed simultaneously, both effects were achieved, with subject reported as looking dead sexy, while scooting around the water upside down. Folded into a crumpled wad of paper. Data expunged, leaving 3D class personnel dead. Testing session ended. Folded into origami copy of SCP-682. Folded halfway through folding process, causing Dr. G considerable injury. Testing session ended. Notes. Let's not try that again. Dr. G. Addendum 6-2000. Dr. S has requested permission to test samples of SCP-445, in conjunction with SCP-85. He has also requested permission to expose samples of SCP-445 to SCP-73, to determine whether SCP-73's ability to destroy ordinary paper by touch extends to SCP-445. Document 445-1, 6-2000. Approval for testing SCP-445 in conjunction with SCP-73, granted. SCP-73 is placed in a room with one sheet of SCP-445, and instructed to touch the paper. SCP-445 sample exhibits no loss of structural integrity upon contact with SCP-73. However, the sample does change color, exhibiting a slightly reddish tinge within approximately 30 seconds of initial contact with SCP-73. What SCP-445 sample designated SCP-445-Alpha? Dr. S recommends further investigation into physical and chemical composition of SCP-445. SCP-445-Alpha stored in separate isolation chamber, to prevent potential cross-contamination. 6-2000. One sheet of SCP-445 introduced to SCP-445-Alpha. SCP-445 sample begins exhibiting visible coloration consistent with SCP-445-Alpha, within 90 seconds of initial contact. After approximately 600 seconds of contact, introduced sample of SCP-445 is physically indistinguishable from SCP-445-Alpha. In isolation protocol, IP-445-1 established to prevent cross-contamination between SCP-445 and SCP-445-Alpha. 7-2000. 8 sheets of SCP-445 introduced to SCP-445-Alpha. Conversion occurs as before, bringing total number of SCP-445-Alpha sheets to 10. Dr. S begins testing on SCP-445-Alpha, following the experimental protocol utilized on 10-15- W- by doctors W and G. Fold it into a paper tube. When observed through one of the open ends, SCP-445-Alpha acted as a handheld telescope, enhancing the view of objects within a 25-foot distance. However, subject using the telescope reported that objects viewed through it seemed somehow off. When asked to elaborate, subject was unable to specify any specific visual issue, noting only that objects viewed through the telescope appeared sinister. Fold it into a Christmas tree. Remained stable when stood upright. When green and red lights were drawn onto the tree, they lit up, despite the lack of a physical light source. Next results identical to those of SCP-445. Fold it into a small knife. Became very sturdy and sharp, causing injuries to all subjects who attempted to pick it up, ultimately severing subject D's right index finger, at the proximal interphalangeal joint. Eventually, subject using reinforced gloves was able to unfold SCP-445-Alpha sample into its original neutral shape. Fold it into a conical paper tube. Acted as a megaphone, though amplified only the folder's voice. The amplified voice was subject to significant distortion, exhibiting what was described as a demonic growl by observers. Though in all cases, the speaker's voice was still identifiable. When a volume control was drawn onto the side, the folder was able to change the volume of the megaphone. Fold it into a paper cup. Became very rigid, able to hold extremely hot or volatile liquids without any sign of tearing or melting. However, samples of water added to the cup became opaque and dark red in color within 15 seconds of contact. Chemical analysis of the resulting fluid revealed it to contain large quantities of human hemoglobin and other blood proteins. No other liquid added to the cup exhibited this change, including water-based solutions in concentrations higher than 50 mm. Fold it into a paper crane. Became animate, much like SCP-368. Sample displayed aggressive and territorial behavior, repeatedly dive-bombing researchers, and attacking with its beak and wings, causing minor injuries. After being caught and killed by crushing the paper crane, sample was able to be unfolded into its original neutral shape. Fold it into a paper boat slash hat. When placed in water, became self-propelling at speeds of up to 60 km an hour. Again, sample displayed aggressive behavior, repeatedly attempting to ram nearby subjects and even propelling itself out of the water to do so. When inverted and placed on head, subject began to act erratically, threatening researchers and security personnel with violence. Subject terminated. In light of these results, Dr. S. elects to suspend for their testing on SCP-445-Alpha. SCP-73 declines to comment when questioned on these findings. Note, in light of these findings, I would like to formally request that SCP-445 be reclassified as a Euclid-class object, Dr. S. Item number, SCP-527. Object Class, Euclid. Special Containment Procedures. SCP-527 is to be contained within a standard humanoid domicile at Site-19. No other containment procedures are necessary. Description, SCP-527 is a male humanoid. 1.67 meters in height, which is biologically non-anomalous, with the exception of its head, which is that of a puntious semi-fasciolatus, or gold-barbed fish. SCP-527 displays no other anomalous qualities. The head of SCP-527 functions the same as the head of any other non-anomalous human. SCP-527 is capable of typical human speech. A tattoo reading, Mr. Fish, from Little Misters, by Dr. Wondertainment, appears on the bottom of its left foot. Discovery, SCP-527 was discovered in Boston by Foundation agents in 2002, and was moved to Site-19 in 2004. Addendum, 527.1, Initial Interview. Begin log. Dr. Baker, thank you for your cooperation thus far, SCP-527. We're just using this interview as a way to gauge any potential anomalous behavior we might not expect. SCP-527. Alright. Dr. Baker, to begin, are you capable of breathing underwater? SCP-527. No. Dr. Baker, are you capable of communicating with other fish or with other sea-based life forms? SCP-527. No. Dr. Baker, I see. When did you first discover your condition? Were you, by any chance, attacked or bitten by a fish you did not recognize, or experienced an encounter with a sea-based deity of some kind? SCP-527. No. Dr. Baker, uh, well, then you've been like this since birth? SCP-527. Yep. Dr. Baker, I, alright. Um, do you know of any other anomalous traits you might exhibit? SCP-527. Sure don't. Like I told the other guy, this is all it is. You're looking at it. Lies, stripes, hot, sweetie, they got all the good stuff. I'm just the guy with the fish head. Dr. Baker, do you have any idea why your creator might have fashioned you in this way? SCP-527. F*** if I know. End log. Addendum 527.2. Recover document. Note, when asked, SCP-527 was able to produce the following document. Wow! You've just found yourself your very own little mister. A limited edition collection from Dr. Wondertainment. Find them all and become Mr. Collector. Mr. Chameleon. Mr. Headless. Mr. Laugh. Mr. Forgetful. Mr. Shapy. Mr. Soap. Mr. Hungry. Mr. Brass. Mr. Hot. Miss Sweetie. Mr. Life and Mr. Death. Mr. Fish. Acquired. Mr. Moon. Mr. Red. Discontinued. Mr. Money. Mr. Lost. Mr. Lie. Mr. Mad. Mr. Scary. Mr. Stripes. Number. SCP-549. Object Class. Euclid. Special Containment Procedures. SCP-549 is to be kept at all times in its terrarium. The terrarium was created after previous containment proved to be insufficient. The containment plexiglass is to be checked for fractures every day at 0600 and 1800 hours. Any signs of stress or wear are to be reported immediately to one of SCP-549's handlers. The terrarium is to be kept filled with miniature foliage and ground cover, resembling that of Northwestern North America. Fabrication company is to be used for repairs on the terrarium's interior. A stream has been engineered to run through the terrarium, the water of which must be changed daily, using only filtered spring water. The terrarium is to be kept within a 15 meter by 15 meter room, placed on a stable support platform, capable of holding up to two metric tons. In the event that SCP-549 begins to throw its weight around. The containment room should be lit in accordance with the day-night cycle, and climate controlled in accordance with conditions in Northwestern Canada. During summer and autumn months, SCP-549 requires upwards of 70,000 to 80,000 calories per day, in preparation for its hibernation period. Because of SCP-549's special situation, it is inefficient to provide the nutrition in the traditional means. It simply takes SCP-549 too long to consume that much material. Currently, its diet is provided in the form of salmon filets, which have passed through, thus dramatically increasing the caloric content of the fish. In winter and early spring, SCP-549 requires little or no care, though monitoring should continue as per usual. Personnel assigned to SCP-549 must take all care, not to disturb its den by any means. As a result of Incident 549-72, the mauling of assistant researcher ruled by SCP-549, all personnel assigned to SCP-549 are required to watch security footage of Incident 549-72 as part of their orientation. Description SCP-549 appears to be a miniature version of Ursus Arctos Horribilis, or Grizzly Bear. In stature, it is approximately 17 cm in length when standing on its hind legs. However, SCP-549 has a mass, in line with an average adult grizzly bear, in summer, around 305 kg. It consumes as much food as a full-sized grizzly would, and is able to exert all the same force with its claws and bite. This presents a number of problems, since its strength is concentrated over a much smaller area. Several of SCP-549's first enclosures were destroyed because it exerted far more force than expected of so small a creature. The walls of its current enclosure, treated with data expunged, have proven more able to resist any attempts to escape, though as long as it is fed regularly and not provoked, it seems content to remain in the terrarium. SCP-549 was recovered in f***ing Canada, along with several other miniature animals. Though agents on site were unable to determine the cause of death for the others, SCP-549's dietary requirements suggest they may have died from starvation. Professor f***ing theorized that SCP-549 only survived because it was in its hibernation state at the time when data expunged. Subject had a collar affixed similar to the other data expunged, with the etched designation Ursa Minor, Dr. Wondertainment's Micromanagerie. Several personnel were harmed in trying to remove the subject from data expunged, mostly because of its great weight and strength. How SCP-549 seems to be of the same mass as a normal bear, but occupying a smaller space is currently unknown. Dr. Wondertainment believes that it may involve a warping of space-time, rather than true shrinking. How physical laws have been circumvented is unknown, but tests are currently being formulated. Item Number SCP-591 Object Class Euclid Special Containment Procedures Instances of SCP-591 are to be kept in a separate storage containment vault, at least 500 meters away from any civilian population, essential civilian infrastructure, or other Foundation-controlled containment facilities. SCP-591 are to be activated only during approved testing by Level 3 staff. Test subjects affected by SCP-591 during testing are to remain in the area until SCP-591 has been turned off. Outside of testing, SCP-591 is to remain deactivated. Any new ZK-class scenarios created by SCP-591 will need to have a closed concrete dome structure built to contain it. These areas will also be designated as Sector W Number. Sectors W1 through W5 that exist currently are to be monitored remotely and be kept under clandestine II type status. Personnel or test subjects within a Sector W Number are to remain there and be considered as lost collateral. Any devices suspected to be an instance of SCP-591 are to be confiscated immediately. Description SCP-591 refers to a line of video game consoles originally developed as a counterfeit of the Nintendo Entertainment System, NES. SCP-591 was labeled as Pretendo in 1985 and manufactured in Southeast Asia. Official records indicate that the Pretendo brand was bought by another company, Dr. Wondertainment, supposedly to establish themselves in the growing video game market. Pretendo was then re-engineered as a standalone console system that was capable of playing both NES games and Dr. Wondertainment's own line of 8-bit video game titles, nearby referred to as SCP-591 Number. Such SCP-591 number titles include but are not limited to Designation SCP-591 Title Eskimo Mo Genre Platform Release Date January 1986 Designation SCP-591-3 Title Wappem Genre Arcade Shooter Release Date January 1986 Designation SCP-591-6 Title Genre Platform Release Date February 1986 Designation SCP-591-11 Title You can do that on television Genre Survival Horror Release Date April 1986 Designation SCP-591-15 Title WLB Sports Deluxe Genre Sports Release Date May 1986 Designation SCP-591-20 Title World War I Ace Trench Digger Genre Puzzle Release Date July 1986 Designation SCP-591-29 Title Lead Zeppelin Air Racers Genre Music and Racing Release Date October 1986 Designation SCP-591-38 Title Super Kick Karate Genre Fighting Release Date December 1986 Designation SCP-591-41 Title Super Kick Karate 2010 Genre Fighting Release Date February 1987 Designation SCP-591-44 Title Final Kick Karate Ultimate Greatness Genre Pinball Release Date March 1987 Designation SCP-591-45 Title The Legend of Sword Master Include Sword Controller Genre Fighting and Simulator Release Date June 1987 Designation SCP-591-46 Title Reading Rainbow Sit and Listen Genre Educational Release Date September 1987 Whenever SCP-591 number is inserted into SCP-591 and activated, it creates a minimized and isolated CK class reality restructuring scenario that resembles the game's intended content. Individuals inside these affected areas will usually assume the role of the game's main character or protagonist. Its effect does not apply when a normal NES cartridge is inserted into SCP-591. Because of the degradation in age of SCP-591's electronic and computer components, the CK class reality restructuring scenarios have an increased chance of becoming isolated ZK class reality failure scenarios of varying areas of effect. Unlike the CK class scenarios, which revert after SCP-591 is deactivated, the ZK class scenarios remain permanently as a fixed location. These locations have been designated as Sector W1 through Sector W5. Each ZK class scenario is different with varying and seemingly random parameters, which include but are not limited to Extreme gravity fluctuations or absence thereof Time dilation Light speed significantly reduced or even halted Randomly placed cubic structures of varying elements in a solid state, including some actinoids, regardless of half-life Absence of any kind of naturally occurring radiation, including cosmic background radiation Areas that consist of a perfect vacuum The creation of nonlinear spatial anomalies or a similar transfiguration applied to pre-existing structures and or Based on previous testing, a ZK class scenario being generated from a CK class scenario has steadily increased from a chance of 1% to 32% Over the last 28 years in Foundation custody Based on seized Wondertainment Company records, there are suspected to be a total of 243 consoles and roughly 1,300 game cartridges still unaccounted for Including an alleged pocket pretendo that may or may not exist as a prototype To date, no mass unit recall for SCP-591 has been issued by Dr. Wondertainment Addendum 5901 There have been a limited number of case reports involving some individuals physically surviving a ZK class scenario These individuals recovered from the incidents are usually altered so drastically that they have little chance of survival outside of their respective Sector W number There are also two reported cases of an individual leaving a ZK class scenario physically unaltered But continue to assume the role of the game's main character pre-incident Because the effects of SCP-591 during a ZK class scenario are largely unknown and are becoming exceedingly unpredictable and dangerous to research All further playtesting of SCP-591 in SCP-591 number is hereby suspended until further notice Item number SCP-609 Object Class Keter Special Containment Procedures All personnel must conduct Protocol 94 Wigner Gyatso before observing any number of SCP-609-1 to ensure a clear and focused mind Agents who locate instances of SCP-609-1 are to immediately break visual contact until the object is contained Update SCP-609 has been transferred It is now to be contained in opaque locked bins at Storage Site 32 Because control of SCP-609-1 is highly difficult due to ironic process theory Only trained researchers with level 2 clearance and above are permitted to view it for experimental purposes SCP-609-A is to be secured in Storage Locker 11 at Research Facility 5 Viewing the text of SCP-609-A in whole or in part requires permission from the head researcher Description SCP-609 is a collection of identical green billiard balls in the American pool style Which measures 57.15 mm in diameter and are believed to exist only as immaterial manifestations of a concept Instances of SCP-609-1 are unbound by physical laws Each instance is impervious to damage, undetectable except by the naked eye and unable to conduct heat Instead, they always feel cold to the touch SCP-609-1 can be manipulated by thought When a sapient creature is in direct visual contact with SCP-609-1, it will emulate the actions the user imagines Including motion, duplication and instantaneous manifestation at a visualized location Observers cannot alter the physical appearance of SCP-609-1 or erase it from existence According to the object's documentation, SCP-609-A as described below SCP-609 is intended to be a literalistic embodiment of Plato's theory of form Researchers have conjectured that SCP-609 can be controlled through visualization because SCP-609-1 and the concept of SCP-609-1 are the same object And that SCP-609-1 cannot be damaged or otherwise mutilated because SCP-609-1 is a manifestation of an immutable metaphysical form If multiple observers attempt to activate SCP-609-1 simultaneously, an additional instance of SCP-609-1 will manifest for each observer As a result of its thought-activated replication, SCP-609 has proliferated under Foundation custody See Document 609-A for current estimates When SCP-609-1 is relocated to or generated in an area outside of the viewer's visual range, a recovery mission is required to resume full containment of SCP-609 Locations from which SCP-609-1 have been recovered include The Research Facility 5 kitchen The Research Facility 5 second floor bathroom The apartment of researcher on top of a television A warehouse in Pasadena, where SCP-609-1 had been recently located The set of television series-1 breach occurred during a taping All footage of the event was confiscated and amnestics were administered to all witnesses The frontal lobe of assistant researcher-1 The mammary tissue of researcher-1 Earth's moon, currently unrecoverable SCP-609 was recovered with a yellow box, believed to be its packaging The box is labeled Doctor Wondertainment's Ontological Six Ball, trademark, enlarged text Although the typography differs in comparison to other products recovered from the same manufacturer Smaller graphics below the title depict a marble bust of Plato With a speech balloon that says It really exists and an unidentified grinning woman exclaiming Now subject to causality A green pool ball is visible inside through a cellophane window The following text is printed on the back Hey, kids Have you ever wondered whether your experiences are fully authentic? Or if only your thoughts are real and the world around you is a web of lies Now the question is immaterial With your new ontological six ball, trademark You can use your imagination to make the hottest new learning toy that cannot not be It floats Send it into the air with your thought power TM It flies Did you think it could only float without moving? You should be sardar than that It can go anywhere Think real hard if any place fun times can be had Ontological six ball trademark is probably there already It possesses the highest and most fundamental kind of reality All other objects which share its form are imperfect reflections of its ultimate truth Did you create it? Or did it create you? Don't put Descartes, TM, before the horse If you don't think this is the groovyest toy out there You must be joking Caution, some assembly require Dr. Wondertainment assumes no liability for injuries, accidents, or existential nausea caused by physical or intellectual misuse of ontological six ball TM Dr. Wondertainment does not endorse solipsism and any ominous implications TM that result from the use of ontological six ball TM are not viewed shared by Dr. Wondertainment Ontological six ball TM is not beholded to space-time Ontological six ball TM cannot be forgotten or unlearned No copyright date, retail sticker, or other identifying information is present on the packaging The package was not intended to contain SCP-6091 The object seen through the cellophane window is a paper display insert designed to simulate a billiard ball Instead, the object designated as SCP-609-A is enclosed SCP-609-A is a Cognito Hazardous 32-page booklet titled Dr. Wondertainment's Ontological Six Ball TM Assembly Guide The first page consists of a disclaimer Caution, make sure to read all instructions and warnings before assembling or operating ontological six ball TM Inadequate, modified, or otherwise improper assembly of ontological six ball TM may result in undesired functions If ontological six ball TM begins to surround you to the exclusion of everything else, making you feel confused, lonely, and like the only thing you can ever be sure of is the ontological six ball TM Stop playing and take a break By possessing ontological six ball TM or any included material, including knowledge of the existence of ontological six ball TM You agree to accept all liability for consequences, accidental, or metaphysically inherent, of ontological six ball TM And also consent that ontological six ball TM will always be a fundamental part of who you are Have fun! The remaining pages contain comprehensive instructions on assembling SCP-609-1 through careful, directed thought Printed in six point type with no illustrations The booklet describes in exhaustive detail the appearance, construction, physical properties and behavior, cultural significance and symbolism And other aspects of a pool ball made in America circa the 1970s, as related by someone in a state of severe mental distress Test subjects who read SCP-609-A in its entirety have demonstrated the ability to generate SCP-609-1 through concentration Although amnestic therapy is ineffective in reversing this effect, it can erase knowledge of the ability from subjects' minds Generally eliminating its use unless the subject is somehow informed or reminded of the ability Through, for example, viewing a pool table, a spherical object, the color green, or the number six Notice from the Foundation Records and Information Security Administration The anomaly hereafter described is now no longer an SCP object and thus requires no special containment procedures The following information is retained in SCP format for convenience while the file is transferred to a more permanent format Thank you for your understanding R-A-I-S-A Item number SCP-629 Description SCP-629 is a 176 centimeter tall masculine humanoid made entirely of bronze Styled as a middle-aged man with a beard, buttoned-down shirt, tie, jeans, shoes, jacket and beanie Subtle seams separate SCP-629's body into six component parts The legs, the arms, the torso and the head When SCP-629 was originally recovered, vibrant paints covered its body, but these have since worn off The words Mr. Brass from Little Misters by Dr. Wondertainment Also known as G.O.I. 386 have been embossed into SCP-629's back Despite the rigidity of bronze and seeming lack of mechanization, SCP-629 is capable of ambulation and articulation Which often produces mechanical clicking and whirring sounds SCP-629 is also sapient and capable of speech, which produces CO2, water vapor and trace amounts of lung cells DNA analysis has found no known matches, but samples variably contain six distinct genetic signatures Belonging to two biological females and four males Three of these signatures have been found to contain genetic diseases with high infant mortality rates SCP-629 is typically cooperative with questioning and testing, but not amicable Initial interviews were on the subject of the Little Misters G.O.I. 386-1, a children's band that first appeared on 216-1981 with the release of a self-titled album SCP-629 withheld information until its demands for consistent reading material and daily scheduled time outdoors were met Seeing as SCP-629 holds no known anomalous capabilities that could plausibly result in destruction of facilities, personnel fatalities, or escape SCP-629 has been granted these requested allowances Recovery In 1988, Project Wimsy, headed by Dr. Everwood of the G.O.I. 386 Research and Investigation Department G.O.I. 386 R&I made a breakthrough in subverting Dr. Wondertainment's anti-memetic properties These properties prevented certain information on the organization from being learnable by adults Seeming to target mentalities instead of specific ages But tending towards allowing the innocent and childish to gain knowledge and disallowing the cold and jaded Further details of Project Wimsy are restricted to personnel of 3-slash-G.O.I. 386 clearance and above Through Project Wimsy, G.O.I. 386 R&I discovered a flyer for a Little Misters concert Set to occur within the month on 228 1988 at a Cogwork Orthodox Church hosted dream venue Notably, it was later discovered through interviews that the Cogwork Orthodox Church had hosted venues for the Little Misters due to their interest in SCP-629 The flyer invited any child who found it to put the flyer under their pillow and dream of flying away Operation here now was quickly put together to intercept this concert as it was seen as a sizable threat to the veil Careful monitoring of a sleeping child who had put the flyer under their pillow on the night of the concert revealed the selective astral way A selective way is a way which in some way requires specific traits of the entrant to function properly An astral way is a way which may only be traversed by metaphysical egos However, the way was improperly guarded, most likely due to Dr. Wondertainment's assurance that it would not be discovered After two hours, the way was widened to be general instead of selective, allowing the passage of MTF Omicron Roe, the dream team After a conflict that remained unrecorded due to at the time underdeveloped dream traversing technology All attending children were forced back through their respective ways and amnesticized And MTF Omicron Roe returned bearing SCP-629's metaphysical ego, withheld from returning to its physical self All other members of the Little Misters apparently escaped With Operation here now a success, GOI-386R and I began a correspondence With the Oniric Research Department within Site-55 With the goal of using SCP-629's metaphysical ego to locate its physical self However, before this could be accomplished, SCP-629's physical self appeared within a hallway of Site-55 Under the blind spot of a camera on 34 1988 The initial containment was established and SCP-629's physical self and metaphysical ego were reunited on 3 10 1988 GOI-386 Response The Little Misters didn't release another album until four months after SCP-629's acquisition An album focusing mostly on Mr. Soap, POI-386-113, teaching children proper hygiene techniques Nearly having the speed of their usual output However, after this one delay, the Little Misters appeared to proceed as normal Even slightly increasing their output to produce their usual six albums by the end of the year Notably, their music no longer included any brass instruments which their prior albums had This observation has held true up until the present With the notable exception of the use of trumpets on the last track of their most recent album R-A-I-S-A There also emerged a lyrical motif in which words ending with AS were usually followed by instrumentals where a rhyme would usually occur For example, in the song Park Day, off of the album Step Outside and Smile 1990 I can feel the feeling filling my soul Of the new day, the blue, they will fill up the sky And the sun will shine bright on the young and the old And it makes me so happy I feel I could cry I remember a man who ran fingers through grass Instrumental Park Day Chorus ensues These unresolved rhymes are most often sung by Mr. Chameleon POI 38613 Who otherwise is neither a singer nor an instrumentalist And instead performs dances and visual effects Interviews with SCP-629 have revealed that Mr. Chameleon was SCP-629's closest friend among the Little Misters No explicit references to SCP-629 were made in any media produced by the Little Misters Though there are other potentially implicit references in their songs from the era Between SCP-629's acquisition and 1999 In 1999, the current POI 386 prime Dr. Cornelius Milinerzik Wondertainment POI 386 prime 2 died unexpectedly of unknown causes Greater correspondence with Dr. Wondertainment has still failed to elucidate the circumstances of Dr. CM Wondertainment's death R-A-I-S-A In his will, he named a holly light as his successor Who then became the new POI 386 prime Inheriting SCP-629 the title of Dr. Wondertainment The Little Misters' behavior began to change soon after this development Beginning with a year-long hiatus in which they created no music or merchandise In 2000, GOI 386 R and I received the following letter Abridged here for ease of reading January 15, 2000 From the desk of The Grandest Gormand of Bonbons Dear SCP Foundation It has come time for us to address your possession of one of the Little Misters A registered Dr. Wondertainment Intellectual Property Our band has been missing one of its cornerstone members for over a decade And my predecessor did not have the resources nor time to dedicate to recovering Mr. Brass Throughout our conflicts in the past, the Dr. Wondertainment Company and the Foundation have largely avoided physical confrontations We would like to keep that rapport So instead of threats, I would like to propose a trade Dr. H.L. Wondertainment The letter went on to describe a trade offer of information on some of Dr. Wondertainment's operations And inner workings In exchange for SCP-629 And several other Dr. Wondertainment-related anomalies contained by the SCP Foundation Restricted to personnel of 3 slash GOI 386 clearance and above A correspondence between GOI 386, R&I and the O5 Council led to a vote On whether or not to take the deal as offered Or to propose changes The vote eventually led to a change of terms Which were then sent back to Dr. Wondertainment via a method described in the letter However, Dr. Wondertainment never responded Even once a follow-up letter was sent No further attempts at communication have been made On 4-21-2000 The Little Misters released the album Imagining New Colors Which deviated from their usual formula significantly Both in genre and subject matter While there were hints and references to their status as a children's band The album also explored much more existential themes Such as the status of being an artificially created being As in the song shot like a cannonball And questioning their fulfillment doing what they were presumably created to do As in the song Baseline The album also omitted any promotion of Dr. Wondertainment products As was typical in previous albums Imagining new colors also included their first ever instrumental track Thought to be in reference to SCP-629 Titled Unsung Hero This song featured a pentatonic motif that The Little Misters would proceed to Write into at least one song on every subsequent album Note, in an interview with the Dear College Odyssey An anomalous publication in the nexus of three portlands Mr. Life, POI 386120 Called the motif The Glass Motif But refused elaboration After the release of this album The Little Misters entered a period of infrequent activity Performing in only three concerts And releasing four albums between 2000 and 2002 None of which were aimed towards their usual demographic However, on 6.30.2002 The Little Misters released another children's album Titled Mr. Moon Woos the Planets Which combined their education-oriented earlier style With their new pattern of weaving a single story throughout the songs The album followed Mr. Moon, POI 386110 As he fell in love with each astral body of the solar system Which were played by various other members of The Little Misters Working from Pluto inwards And ending with the sun In this album, The Glass Motif was used in the song Mercury Many by lyrics of Mr. Moon lamenting that Mercury disappeared behind the heat of the sun But might someday come back Which transitions into the final song, The Sun By way of his focus becoming distracted by the object between them Following this release The Little Misters resumed their pattern of releasing an album every other month However, only every other album released was a children's album And the remainder were more experimental And existential This pattern continues at the time of writing This pattern still holds true even after current events R-A-I-S-A In 2018 The Little Misters made their first explicit mention of SCP-629 At a show during Rock Against the Foundations An anti-foundation music festival Put on by a large serpent's hand G.O.I.19 Subsect With ties to the Slavic anarch scene During the performance Mr. Red Junior P.O.I. 38611 Exclaimed This one is for Brass Before the band played a faster and longer rendition of Unsung Hero The Little Misters set ended with Mr. Red Junior saying To Mr. Brass We love you We miss you We're coming to get you Despite this statement The Little Misters have made no known attempts to reclaim SCP-629 New G.O.I. 386 relations and impact on SCP-629 containment On 6-18-2042 The O5 Council unanimously accepted a more cooperative relationship As proposed by Dr. Wondertainment The details of which are restricted to personnel of three G.O.I. 386 clearance and above The effects of this new relationship on containment are ongoing And have resulted in many newly non-SCP objects continuing to be classified as such Until the Records and Information Security Administration Can move these files into a new format SCP-629 is one such item Mr. Brass P.O.I. 386-121 Previously SCP-629 Has been released to The Little Misters After being amnesticized of any classified information He may have gathered while in Foundation custody Recorded below is a final interview conducted Before Mr. Brass's amnesticization and release Interviewer Dr. Robert Dorre Interviewee Mr. Brass P.O.I. 386-121 Conducted 7-20-2042 Notes This interview was held in the Site-55 courtyard Because Mr. Brass is notably more cooperative when outdoors Begin log Dr. Dorre has placed a handheld recorder on the bench Between himself and Mr. Brass to start the interview The recording begins Sounds of Dr. Dorre seating himself can be heard As well as mechanical clicks from Mr. Brass Moving into a more comfortable position In the background, running water can be heard Dr. Dorre Dorre Mr. Brass Brass There is a pause Faint whirring can be heard As well as breathing from Dorre Dr. Dorre Brass Let's start simple How are you today? Mr. Brass I'm doing well Dr. Dorre Perfect Any discomfort? Any new developments with your body? Mr. Brass No Dr. Dorre How about emotionally? Anything been bothering you? Anything we can help with? Mr. Brass I'm doing well Dr. Dorre Good, good Well, Brass You probably know by the recorder that I'm not just coming to check in with you today It's really big news This is our last interview You're going to be released Running water can be heard All mechanical sounds have ceased A pause indoors for eight seconds Dr. Dorre As of a month ago The SCP Foundation has accepted an agreement proposed by the current Dr. Wondertainment A Judy Papill, if I remember correctly To enter a more cooperative and peaceful relationship Bird song can be heard Dr. Dorre Part of this new relationship is that we're giving them... You know I don't like to call you this But Our skips You're one of them You're going home Footsteps of someone passing by can be heard As well as a far-off conversation A pause indoors for 12 seconds Mr. Brass Really? Dr. Dorre Really? Pause Dr. Dorre Part of the agreement is that Wondertainment is going to go more mundane Make significantly less anomalous products In exchange for the Foundation ceasing to target their... Business practices I think I heard that that means the little misters are going to be able to perform more publicly Less cloaks and daggers Most of you can pass as non-anomalous individuals already As long as no one touches you You look like a street performer I'm certain a little bit of allowed magic will make the illusion complete Brief mechanical clicking is heard A splash is accompanied by duck calls As ducks land in the water behind the two A pause indoors for 10 seconds Then Mr. Brass begins to hum to the tune of I'm Mr. Brass From the Little Misters first album Dr. Dorre Brass Mr. Brass Hmm? Dr. Dorre Are you alright? Mr. Brass I'm doing well A small pat can be heard As Dr. Dorre puts a hand on Mr. Brass' shoulder Dr. Dorre You're going home Mr. Brass Really? Dr. Dorre Really? Some mechanical sounds are heard After four seconds Mr. Brass resumes humming This endures for 18 seconds Before Dr. Dorre picks up the handheld recorder And ceases the interview End log GOI 386 response Mr. Brass first reappeared in the Little Misters album For Music's sake An educational album about the basics of music theory Mr. Brass did not however play any instruments or sing Instead using the mechanical noises he makes while moving for percussion This use of Mr. Brass continued for the next three albums Though during this time He did not make any public appearances His first public appearance was in an outdoor concert On 182043 In Austin, Texas The concert was partnered with New Shoes A mundane charity supporting homeless youth Mr. Brass revealed his new role in the band as a percussionist Moving his body in such a way as to make clicks and words to the beats of their songs After intermission however Mr. Brass ceased to perform in the middle of a song entitled Chris's Daily Walk The rest of the Little Misters appeared to notice But continued with the performance until Mr. Brass walked off stage At which point, Mr. Fish, POI 38619 Followed him At the conclusion of the song by the other bandmates Ms. Sweetie, POI 38612 Announced an unplanned intermission The band proceeded backstage And Ms. Sweetie returned after 20 minutes Regretfully announced that the concert was being cut short Attendees were informed that their tickets were refundable But that all proceeds would go to charity Mr. Brass has neither appeared publicly Nor in an album since Current status Mr. Brass is known to reside somewhere in Wonderworld Though exact whereabouts are unknown Current activities of the Little Misters are also unknown It is thought that Mr. Chameleon, POI 38613 Lives with Mr. Brass And potentially acts in a caretaker role Dr. Wondertainment has refused to give any further details on Mr. Brass In 2044, the Little Misters released the album Oxidized Which includes a song written by each member of the Little Misters Excluding Mr. Brass In digital format, the final track is untitled However, a pamphlet that comes with a CD purchase reads Wow! You've just purchased a disc from the Amazing Little Misters Oxidized is our longest album yet About the existentialism of our own potential immortality Reflecting back on the lives we have led thus far It is also our most autobiographical album With one song written by each of our members Even our manager and producer Buy our whole discography to become Mr. Collector Buy a backstage pass at one of our shows And become Miss Love A side One, hot Two, soap Three, sweetie Four, money Five, hungry Six, shaping Seven, mad Eight, fish Nine, lost Ten, junior B side Eleven, lie Twelve, laugh Thirteen, chameleon Fourteen, the moon Fifteen, scared Sixteen, forgotten Seventeen, stripes Eighteen, headless Nineteen, oxidized Part one, life Twenty, oxidized Part two, death Number, SCP-644 Object Class, Euclid Special Containment Procedures SCP-644 is to be held within a standard humanoid containment chamber Within hall of sight All staff or D-class in sight known to have children Are to be briefed of SCP-644's anomalous effects Staff with children may opt out of testing with SCP-644 at any time Description SCP-644 is a male humanoid of Italian descent Visually, SCP-644 appears to be approximately 30 years old The words, Mr. Hot From Little Misters by Dr. Wondertainment Are tattooed on SCP-644's left inner wrist SCP-644 is able to accurately determine whether or not a person has children Both biological and adopted children may be sensed by this effect SCP-644 is aware of this fact for any person it knows of Even if just by appearance or name SCP-644 claims to be able to predict the material wishes of any child As well as the popularity of any product intended for children SCP-644 claims that this effect does not function for the wishes of adults But has given predictions for at least one person over the age of 18 Whom SCP-644 described as a real trooper with no further comment SCP-644 is able to produce a business card from the pocket of any clothing worn by it On the front of the card is printed Mr. Hot Marketing Consultant Dr. Wondertainment, Inc. LLC 1515 Mulberry Lane Chicago, South Africa On the back of the card in small print Is a document similar to document 909A Wow! You've just found yourself your very own Little Mister A limited edition collection from Dr. Wondertainment Find them all and become Mr. Collector 1. Mr. Chameleon 2. Mr. Headless 3. Mr. Laugh 4. Mr. Forgetful 5. Mr. Shapy 6. Mr. Soap 7. Mr. Hungry 8. Mr. Brass 9. Mr. Hot Acquired 10. Miss Sweetie 11. Mr. Life and Mr. Death 12. Mr. Fish 13. Mr. Moon 14. Mr. Red Discontinued 15. Mr. Money 16. Mr. Lost 17. Mr. Lie 18. Mr. Mad 19. Mr. Scary 20. Mr. Stripes SCP-644 was originally found by local police in Racine, Wisconsin where it was found sleeping in the entryway to a local elementary school having broken a window to enter. SCP-644 claimed to have done this to escape winter weather conditions An automatic foundation webcrawler picked up a mention of SCP-644's tattoo in the files of the local police department and it was acquired shortly after. Racine, Wisconsin was later found to contain several anomalous objects created by Dr. Wondertainment in the possession of several local children. Interview 1. Forward Interview was conducted following initial containment before SCP-644's anomalous properties had been ascertained. Begin log SCP-644 is led into the interview room by security personnel outfitted with full fire retardant gear rated against temperatures up to 800 degrees Celsius and outfitted with Kevlar and foam padding in the case of explosive detonation. Personnel are also armed with high capacity fire extinguishers. SCP-644 What's up with these guys? Dr. Latimer Please state your name for our records. SCP-644 I'm Mr. Hot Marketing consultant for Dr. Wondertainment Incorporated, LLC SCP-644 holds out his wrist pointing to the tattoo Security personnel prepare to extinguish any potential fires SCP-644 The tattoo, see? That was my idea. Because I keep my finger on the pulse of the market, eh? Dr. Latimer You had say in where your tattoo went. SCP-644 Yeah, me and the doctor, we were pretty close. Think I went to college with him. Dr. Latimer Where was that? SCP-644 Oh, I don't know. Does anyone really remember that stuff? Oh, how are you? Dr. Latimer, I'm doing fine. Could you tell me about your relationship with Wondertainment? SCP-644 Fine? I mean, I'm sure you're missing the kids, right? They're with your husband? Dr. Latimer, what do you know about my children? SCP-644 I know that they miss you. They don't, I mean, they don't even know what you do. This certainly isn't a university, right? Unless they've got some relaxed testing protocols. It's been, what, two weeks since you saw them? Dr. Latimer, go on. SCP-644 See, what I'm thinking is, you need to let them know they're loved. I mean, Jason, last semester he got an A- in math. And that just went unrewarded? That's cold, doctor. Dr. Latimer, you're right. What should I do? SCP-644 I think you give me the word and I'll put some word in higher up. No guarantees, but I'll see what I can do. Dr. Latimer, what exactly can you do? SCP-644 Well, I could talk to my friend upstairs. I call him Mr. Distributor, but he's not really. It's just a nickname. His name is Steven. But I talk to him. And if we find your kids are up to snuff, so to speak, I can get them some stuff to play with. Could even wrap it up. Put from Mommy on there. Dr. Latimer, I'd have to know more. Need to know your toys are safe, of course. SCP-644 Yeah, how about, how about we talk about this a bit later? Without these eavesdroppers around. SCP-644 motions to the security personnel. Dr. Latimer, that sounds wise. SCP-644 Alright, you know where to find me. Here's my card. SCP-644 produces a business card. Security personnel confiscate it and place it within a reinforced fireproof container. End log. Interview 2 Forward. Interview was conducted one day after initial recovery. Begin log excerpt. SCP-644 is brought into the interview room. A 10-centimeter thick barrier composed of heat-resistant, blast-proof glass is erected between Dr. Latimer and the subject chair. SCP-644 Oh, come on. Dr. Latimer. Hello, Mr. Hot. SCP-644 Hi, Doctor. Is this about the name? I'll be honest, I'm not that hot. Dr. Latimer, it's just a precaution. Could you tell me more about what you mentioned yesterday? Your toys. SCP-644 Oh, yes indeed. Your entertainment products are fully tested, come with a lifetime guarantee and are designed to enrich your child's imagination through fun exploration. Dr. Latimer, you mentioned something about children fitting some requirement to receive toys. Could you elaborate? SCP-644 Well, you see, you can't just give this kind of craftsmanship to just anybody. You give the average kid a relativistic race car, he's just gonna leave it on the shelf and go stare at the sun or something. SCP-644 No, no. We're looking for a higher caliber. Someone so imaginative, someone who will really appreciate the work that goes into this stuff. All around Great Kid. Dr. Latimer, what kind of work? What do you do at Wondertainment? SCP-644 I mean, I don't want to go on about myself. This is about your kids, right? Dr. Latimer, I need to know I can trust you as a source. SCP-644 Smart, smart. I guess that's why you're the doctor and I'm just mister. They call me a marketing consultant, but really, I'm involved at every step of the process. Dr. Latimer, how did you become so valued by the organization? SCP-644 Lots of hard work, I assure you. But at first, maybe luck. See, I was just a young guy, maybe 30 or so, but I get approached by this older guy, Ney Wondertainment, who offers me a chance to really get involved in something... special, you know? Dr. Latimer, didn't you say you knew Wondertainment in college? SCP-644 Yeah, but anyways, I start working with him. He wants someone who's got a real good market sense, you know? He says, I'm full of so many ideas, but what to choose? I don't have forever. That's why I need you to sharpen my knife. Give us some focus. I've got just the thing to let you do that. SCP-644 So, I go under and when I come back, it's like zap. I know what ideas are gonna be hot all the time. And I work with him, and we're going like gangbusters, spreading like mad. Me and him. And he says to me, my mind isn't what it used to be hot. Let's hone your creative mind. SCP-644 We do it again, and suddenly, I'm a powerhouse. I'll come to him like, playing with your food. You can have an intelligent conversation with your food. SCP-644 And I'd say that to him, and he'd say to me, hot, you have got quite the melon on your shoulders. And I'd say, wow, thanks boss. And then he'd put a miniature melon on my shoulder and we'd both laugh. It's our little joke, see? SCP-644 Well, was. Until it started making headless feel self-conscious. SCP-644 But we continued on like that for, oh, it was years. I helped with every endeavor. One year, I thought, you know what kids love? Taking baths. Or having imaginary friends. Or laughing at jokes. Or, well, we had some weird years. SCP-644 And in my twilight years, I started some pet projects. One of the projects literally became a pet, actually. Like, the concept of it was animate. Got touched when it started biting fingers. But boss, he said to me that he had a cool idea. And he told me about it. And I was just in love. So he gave me this tattoo and told me my desk job days were complete. Actually, that I was complete. And that I needed to head out and start spreading the love. I was a little bit underprivileged kids. Did you know one in five children live beneath the poverty line? They could use some wondertainment. Am I right? I was all about, seven years ago. Dr. Latimer. And that's when you became Mr. Hot. SCP-644 I was always Mr. Hot, ma'am. Now, are you interested in my product? Or what? Dr. Latimer. How many did you have in mind? SCP-644 Ah! I was thinking Dr. Wondertainment's Carpal Critters trademark. It's a virtual pet, right? But it's not in a computer. It lives inside your forearm. Some local anesthesia hollows the whole thing out. And then it's your friend. It can read you bedtime stories, do your math homework, whole rigmarole. And it's very understanding. Vent at it, tell it to get lost. And it'll forgive you. And be there to give your all-nub big hug when you make up. What do you say? Dr. Latimer. I'll think about it. End log.