 What do we do with the past? I know this conscious mind in this weird sack of flesh We love to time travel. If you can't move your feet We just like to move if you can't move your feet You're gonna move your fingers if you can't move your fingers or your feet You're gonna move your torso if you can't move your torso fingers or your feet You're gonna move your neck if you can't move your feet your fingers your torso or your neck you're gonna move your mind and your mind is gonna want to travel back walk back run back five minutes ago five years ago 15 years ago or it's gonna like to move forward and walk forward into 20 minutes from now 20 years from now we time travel humans love to move and the question is what do we do with this movable mind that loves to travel it loves to travel back to the good times to wonder how things change so quickly to wonder why nothing has changed at all to question if things had to happen certain ways if that's the way it was supposed to go why things didn't really happen as I plan them to happen if I didn't make that mistake let me rewind and replay it over and over to see what I've done differently and if I didn't do that stupid thing would I be in a different place now if that person didn't hurt me would I be a better person now if I didn't hurt that person would I stop the self-sabotage and what if would I be in a different place now so what do we do with the past I am looking on the sixth floor I'm looking north in Toronto Canada if you ever have a chance to come to this city highly recommend it and I'm looking north and what people don't really realize about Toronto is there's so much green there's so much green and you only know that when you when you go a few levels up take the CN tower up for a ride or just go to the sixth seventh floor of something and there's no buildings and there's just so much green so many trees and I love trees because they they hold history and these trees have been here longer than I have been alive they've seen more than I have but think about what a tree is now just bear with me I walk up to a tree down the street there's this one just to my right down here and there's a carving it think it says D D M maybe it was like Don and Maria or Dan and Michelle and it's got the heart around it someone carved in the bark of this beautiful tree and they also snipped some branches off for the power lines that cut through and the bark is chipping off in some places and there's old birds nests and there's some new birds nests and there's some old leaves and some of the roots are cutting through the sidewalk as they go down and out but roots can can cut through concrete how strong and that's how the tree is right now the tree is everything that it was and what it will be will still be what it is now and what it was and the tree can't reject the carving on it it adapts to it it keeps it there it might grow over top the bark might kind of like a scar kind of grow over top it might fade over time but it will still be etched into a degree what was cut might regrow it might not dead branches might be cut off and nothing will return from those but the tree as a whole if you look at it from the sixth floor I don't want anything changed about the tree it is how it is I don't judge the tree as it is right now I can judge the decisions of D and M who marked up that tree I won't necessarily judge them but judging a decision is different than judging a person keep that one in mind so I look at this tree and despite all of its quote unquote flaws it's perfect it's perfect I think that's a maple it's perfect the way it actually cuts through that piece of sidewalk to carves its own path it needs to grow and it did whatever it had to do to grow so despite its bark despite the dead leaves dead branches ruined sidewalk I love that tree exactly as I see it and look how it provides shades shade for other people that just walk by the tree is exactly how it is because of what it was and everything that it's gone through despite all of that despite it all do you see the tree beating itself up like one branch just goes and starts punching the trunk of the tree right no so what do we do with the past we don't let it go you don't let the past go despite all of the yogis that told you to despite all the pressure you put on yourself to let go of the past and when I go to my hot yoga classes and there's that beautiful yogi in front of us and she's like just let go and I can't focus because there's so much ass in front of me I disagree and through the mindfulness training and the practice I still do my best to do you integrate your past into your present self you try to let go but the harder you try to let go the more it wants to stay the more space it wants to take up on its own rather than if you willfully integrate all of your past experiences into who you are now just as the tree just as the cut branches the torn up bark and the roots cutting the concrete just as that occupies all of what the tree is because what it once was and all of the things it's been through can you be with without judging it everything that you've been through all the hurt that's been done to you the mistakes and the hurt you've put on others can you be with all of that and integrate it into who you are right now and make space for it it doesn't take up space for you you create space for it does that make sense and I already know what maybe you might be feeling right now I how could I do that to myself what I did was too terrible my past is too full of tragedy and pain and a hard times and I don't want to let I don't even want to heal I don't even want to let anything go if that's the byproduct I do want to hold on to it hold on to it that but not at the cost of it creating suffering within you hold on to it like the tree holds on to everything it's been through it's part of itself as it is now so you don't punch yourself for everything you've been through just like the tree doesn't punch itself for that carving that it got on it and it wasn't even its fault the tree was just there and things happen to it some of the things are your fault sure a lot of the things were not under your control a lot of the things you don't know what should have been done could have been done and maybe you did know better and maybe it didn't the point of all of this is to have a sense of kindness for yourself for even the wrongs that you did this episode of the being human podcast is brought to you by me I'm my own sponsor I would love to give you something for free it's a six-part series I'm putting together a video series a sweet little training on how to be anxiety-free yes the copywriting is a great great tool to get people to sign up to stuff what do I mean by anxiety-free I mean and what I mean by conquer anxiety it's how to deal with it in a compassionate and non-judgmental way you know this isn't about getting rid of human emotion we don't want that and anybody who tells you can you get rid of anxiety totally would you really want to you really want to be a zombie you really want to be off all of the time to deal with anxiety is to really get to know yourself and so this six-part series I put together I'd love you for you to join the wait list so you're the first to watch it when it comes out and I really think it'll help and you can learn about anxiety from someone who has been living in a cave who's been meditating for 30 years and they can tell you everything but when I was in my training I want to learn from someone who's been through the ringer who's dealt with hell who has come out on the other end and who is part of the world who's out there who pays taxes who can deal with the stresses of life and loss and hardship and joy and the responsibilities of full-time work of annoying co-workers you want to punch in the face of the stresses of traffic and relationships and living in a city and the unknown of the future like this so if you want to learn from me that'd be pretty cool and I would love to to meet you one day so scott st. Marie calm the link is in the description scott st. Marie calm slash free from anxiety that's scott st. Marie calm slash free from anxiety that's scott st. Marie calm slash free from anxiety and just go to the link in the description and you get some freebies when you get on the waitlist school I would really challenge everybody what to do with the past don't get rid of it as much as you want to get rid of it as much as you think that getting rid of my past and letting go of those things then I'll be free then I'll be happy if only that thing didn't happen to me life would be perfect because you know what might be happening in your brain as it does in mine it's this statement this isn't the way it was supposed to go this isn't how it should have happened I had an idea I had a plan what the hell happened this isn't what I thought it should be this isn't what my life should be right now I shouldn't have gone through that I didn't deserve that why was I that guy how could I say that to somebody else how could I do that to somebody else what was I thinking how could I have been such a dick and now you look at your life now well maybe it's great and you feel so undeserving of how great it is so there's guilt associated with how great your life is right now because what you did before well I should have ended up as a piece of shit because of the bad stuff I did there and somehow things worked out but I don't feel I earned it I don't feel I deserved it so there's shame and there's guilt associated with that so what do I do with the past then oh but my life is terrible and I deserve a terrible life and present situation because of the things that happened to me back then because they were my fault and since they were my fault I take full responsibility and I will suffer from the past mistakes that I've done both of those scenarios are those helpful ways to be you if you look back to a tree would the tree be what it is now if it had that attitude a tree is how it is if it just stopped growing right after that carving right after the first pruning if it's like I'm done that's it there's no way I'm getting over that there's no way I'm getting through that well how good is that tree to people that walk by and sit under it it offers one person shade but as you continue to grow through all that's happened through all the pruning through all the storms look at how many people you offer shade to in the blistering sun look at how you reach the golden sun with those fresh leaves every spring what do you do with the past you learn from it be with it don't try to sweep it under the rug it'll only pop back as dust bunnies and they're gonna be balancing all over your face and not cute bunnies these are bunnies that piss on you don't sweep it under the rug look at the past and say this happened this happened how can I not judge myself for what happened how can I make space for it and be with it close your eyes for a second my friends close your eyes and if you want to come back to this episode a little later you can just chill for a minute close your eyes with me and if you're wondering what coaching would be like with Scott there's links in the description if you want to book a call maybe something like this where settle your eyes down just be with yourself right now as you are feet planted on the floor maybe hands on your lap and just settle in bring attention to your breath now and notice any thoughts that are coming up to of I don't want to do this this isn't going to help this has been a boring waste of my time hmm notice now in the palm of your hands hold them out in front of you hold them out in front of you and with a large most glass ball that you can see in almost like a snow globe everything that was is in there every experience is in the palm of your hands in this glass globe everything that happened and you hold it in front of you without judging anything that's in there with just seeing it with curiosity with compassion for that person who experienced all that all of that and you make space for everything with your whole being as you hold this and with who you are today with who you are at this moment right now these past experiences are part of you and it's okay to hold them at a distance like this sometimes sometimes you don't have to hold them so close they can be part of you even with you holding them this far out in your hands and if you'd like to and if it feels right for you you can take this glass globe and you can put it in front of you and you can keep it there or you can carry it with you throughout the day whatever you want to do with it is completely up to you how do you want to be with all of those things and events and experiences you get to choose and whenever you feel you're ready you can open your eyes being with your full self you know how to be with your past it's you that knows keep some distance be with it as it's part of you but hold it with no judgment and a sense of compassion for what once was and now what is congratulate yourself for listening through and trying this short little practice and I appreciate you listening to this episode I hope you have an awesome rest of the day rest of the evening wherever you are and use the the links in the description for more help and resources if you feel that you'd like some extra support keep up the great work my friend take care