 اللہ کہتا ہے ، کے میں سوالہ ڈیلک کے فرق میں ، وَمِنْ آیاتْهِ انْ خَلَقَ لَکُمْ مِنْ آنْفُسِكُمْ اَزْواجَرُ من جانا ہے کہ اللہ نے آپ کو آپ کے لے ملینہ سے ملینہ کہتے ہیں۔ آپ کو ملینہ پہلےakaی کے لے ملینہ سے کلنے کیا ہے؟ کیوں کہ اrau کیا ہے؟ کیوں کہ ا centrی کیا ہے؟ لیتصت کنو ڈیلے jumps؟ اگر آپ جنانا ملینہ ہے اور آپ کی نمازوں کے ملینہ ہے اللہ سب کے ایمان کے ایمانی میں مجھنے میں ویڈھوا موعدہ اور رحمہ کہ بہت سے محل و مرسی ہے۔ آپ مرسی جو آپ کی مرسی ہے اور آپ کی مرسی پر مرسی اور آپ کی محل و مرسی ہے کسی رہا ہے اللہ کے ساتھ کیا ہے۔ اسی سیناہ اللہ سبحانہ و تعالی ہے۔ آپ مجھے جو مولے سے موجود سیت میں دیکھتے ہیں۔ اگر آپ سیناہ جانتے ہیں تو یہ موجود سیت ہے۔ کسی لوگوں کو بڑیک کیا کہتے ہیں کہ میرے حسن میں سیناہ جاتا ہے۔ ساعدہین ہے ، but let that possessiveness not become a burden because then it might become a problem,However it is good to be possessive, we are all possessive over our things, میرے اور شہفب نے اچھیاکار کی حامت quitting ان کے ل COLLECT پر ایک جائن گے گئی ہے اس کے لئے سیہنے کے لئے سکنوہ الے ہاں لہذا آپ کو اپنے کی سیہت ٹیس کے سیہنے والا اور ہم پر تک سہنے اکنے سے جو جانتے ہیں سبحان اللہ سبحان اللہ کیا ہے کو seem'ا کا سامنے کے لئے سبحان اللہ سبحانہ اللہ ڈائر بس کی دینگہ جس ک مجھنے سے یہ سکتے ہیں بہت کسی جو پر مئے بارے ہمیں کماروں کے سام چیزییک ہمارے کے لئے ہمارے کی کوئی بہت ہے اور ہمارے ذکر کردوار ہمارے کی اسے کی کرتے تھا ہے۔ سفر ایک ریکہ جو ہمارے کے حرام پر عاکنہ میں امہ سر ہی ساتھ سکنے کیا جائے گا۔ اگر آپ صحیحیت لیے ہولتے ہیں جب آپ سوچی آپ کو حرام میں اور جس کا سیدار کرے گا حرام میں اچھا ہوں گا۔ اگر آپ جو اس جو امہ سے عاکنہ میں ایک ساتھ خیلی ہے، یا امہ، امہ کے ساتھ جو مرحبوں کے امہ ساتھ ہوں گا۔ لیکن آپ اپریشیئیت کیا اللہ نے اپنے جانتا ہے اور when you involve in haram you will not be able to save yourself from the bad thoughts from lack of appreciation of the gold mind that you have سبحان اللہ some people have a spouse that is amazing but they don't see the light in the spouse because they are busy doing something else somewhere else they don't realize and when they lose the spouse then they hit their heads to say you know what i lost someone great well you were fooling around may Allah سبحانہ وتعالیٰ save us may Allah help us to actually go back home and to understand your spouse is one of the signs from the signs of Allah سبحانہ وتعالیٰ and اللہ عز و جس فلس about marriage بجعل بينكما ودتا و رحما is beautiful words of quran you will find these words applicable in all of your married lives those of you that are married اللہ says he put between you between the husband and wife love موعدہ and it's passionate love اللہ says موعدہ و رحما and mercy because in the beginning of marriage is very passionate you're obsessed with your wife you can't think about anything else your friends call you they go straight to voicemail right because you just got married for you know for six months you're out of you know out of sight nobody sees you but then as marriage goes further what keeps marriage alive isn't that anymore because other obligations come in there's kids there's work there's not you're not any many anymore how do you keep the marriage sustained رحما mercy towards your wife mercy towards the husband courtesy between you you know this man comes to عمر رضی اللہ و عنو he says i want to divorce my wife and he says why do you want to divorce your wife yeah i don't love her anymore i don't find her attractive anymore and so عمر رضی اللہ و عنو asked him فائینا رعایا what about courtesy what about the courtesy you are your wife she doesn't take care of your kids she hasn't put up with you all this time you know and you know we have very difficult creatures to put up with men right we're very difficult creatures to put up with and our wives put up with us even if they share you know say a couple of words here and there in the end they still put up with us right so they do quite a bit for us so we can't just say oh well she doesn't look like what i was imagining the you know back in the day when i didn't use to lower my gaze i saw some things on tv and i was expecting that you know this is you know really it's it's not the healthy attitude you have to if the believer watches their gaze and they control their temptations and then they do the best with their wives they will be the most satisfied and they won't have any temptations outside but at the same time and i'm ranting on the brothers but at the same time the sisters have to understand this Allah سبحانہ و تعالیٰ created men and women very differently men their biggest weakness is women they could be richer they could be poor they could be you know healthy and not very healthy you know skinny and fat or tall doesn't matter what culture what language all of them have the same weakness women and women Allah عز و جل many in majority cases he made them oblivious to this weakness of men they don't realize how bad it is so when the aya comes and a woman reads it lower their gaze oh yeah i could do that and they're like they're what's the big deal why can't men just lower their gaze and you don't understand what don't i understand you have eyes i have as they have written you know it's it processes the same information so what's the problem you see they're not they don't understand the power of this desire that Allah سبحانہ و تعالیٰ put inside of us and mentioned as number one ڈویہ الناس حب و شہوات بن نیسات number one of the desires that were beautified for men were desires for women right the number one fitna the prophet ﷺ fears for the men of this umay is what women because it's a serious problem so though if the wives understand that then instead of condemning their husband are you so weak how come you can't control your eyes instead of knowing that they would accept this is the creation of Allah سبحانہ و تعالیٰ you have to the wife has a role of supporting her husband and becoming strong and she can do that by warding temptations off from him not by lecturing him you know and and this is the other thing that's very important for wives to understand the husband he goes to the office or he goes to the train and there are women horribly dressed they're sitting there smiling at everybody trying to you know basically this is all these women have in terms of their dignity they're not respected for their intellect they're not respected for their opinions so all they think is we're going to be respected if men see more of our you know our shame so they dress it in decent fashion because when men look at them they feel kind of you know self respect that i'm worth something people are looking at me that's basically what it is it's really horrible it's sad but then they go to the office and the secretary smiling at you saying how are you how was your day you know what are you getting for lunch or you're fasting oh that's nice you know and they're they're smiling at you and then you go you know and every ad women are smiling at you and then you get home and you open the door and i said where were you the train the train was late oh every day the train is late oh i understand you know and there's a frown every day and the first day it's okay the second day it's okay 10 years of this 12 years of this what's going to happen the husband has رزیت من towards the wife even if he doesn't say anything he's building رزیت من inside and the simple simple solution of the messenger صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم a smile of the wife when the husband comes home you know how big a deal this is this is not a small thing it stabs the husband when the husband comes home and the wife doesn't care and you know he's very disturbed by that he may not say something but it really really hurts husbands and it hurts the relationship and it comes out in weird ways now that they're hurt they're kind of upset as they're having dinner oh there's not enough salt in here you know there's something wrong and they're extra angry at the kids they're frustrated but the same scenario the wife opens the door and she greets the husband with a smile just a smile it's not expensive but what happens the rest of the night goes smoothly the husband's in a good mood he's talking to her when she's talking to her i don't want to talk right now i have a headache is not going to happen all started from where just one little act of the wife these are simple solutions but they're powerful solutions and you don't take care of these solutions and things this baggage just keeps adding up and adding up and adding up and that's where you get those statistics because the husband doesn't want to look at the wife she's just annoying you know she just does this or that right so both sides have to understand they have to take care of the other side instead of expecting from the other side just make a goal for yourself to take care of the other side this is ڈلہ علا ازواجی ہم the only time they don't guard their privates is with their spouses and this relationship is very strong i don't even want to quote the حدیث even though you know quoting a حدیث is a good thing but i know the repercussions it can have in our community unfortunately i don't personally اللہ علم i don't personally feel that muslim families are mature enough to take a حدیث and take it in a mature way usually they end up using islamic texts as a weapon you know what the prophet said about the wife who doesn't take care of her husband's need at night he said this this this you should be a shame to yourself you know well she's really going to be nice to you now you know it's not it's not a contest you know you should be more like the Sahabia and she will let you know Sahabi yourself you know that's how it's going to be so if you wanted to make it a competition you will never defeat women not not your mother not your sister not your wife you will never defeat them in argument because what they can come up with you didn't even think of from the back of your head right اللہ put this in them you know they have they have the power of speech psychological speech psychologically effective speech so you have to learn to deal with that the other thing another piece of advice just in terms of harmony between husband and wife is that you know argumentation men seem to think everything can be solved by reasoning and logical evidences right and they they forget that اللہ سبحانہ وتعالہ didn't create women in this simple black and white fashion women are complicated creatures when you get married many of you will testify your wife is crying one day and you ask her why are you crying she'll say i don't know i i'll talk to you later about it and you say no really this is something i did no leave me alone i don't know and they really don't know sometimes and if they do it's too complicated for you to understand so listen you're not going to get it right so they're complex creatures and so you will learn this when you're not married you'll learn this with your mother and you will learn this with your sister you try to reason with them you give them reasons for why you did something that disappointed them they'll say oh so you know so much better fine next time i shouldn't argue with you because you're so smart and their feelings will be hurt who just lost that argument you did because you tried to reason the way you argue or you want to make your point with women what's the best way to make your point with women it's not by argument the best the best way to make a point with your wife to make a point with your mother is actually the sunna of the messenger sallallahu alaihi wa sallam one mercy second silence silence you know how effective silence is for good believing wives if the husband is silent then she will say what's the matter is there something i did but if the husband talks back man she will talk back way better than you can right she will come back with a better rebound than you ever thought it possible but if you're silent and if there's an ounce of good in her goodness in her she will come and say maybe even if i don't think it was my fault it was my fault i'm sorry but the husband has to learn this technique of silence and not silence with a frown and pushing her away just a little extra sad puppy face here and there you know try it with your mom see if it works and it will work to him with your wives also inshallah تعالہ right but this is important these are the etiquette of marriage the messenger علیہ ساتھ سام he could yell at his spouses he could say if the heart harsh things then he doesn't because you know the the relationship is so fragile this relationship and shaitan wants every opportunity to destroy it and as soon as he destroys it what's going to happen corruption in the muslim community is going to happen that's what's going to happen men are going to be not guarding their eyes anymore and other things are going to happen scandals are going to spread this is how they spread from bad marriages all the great tragedies that happen in the muslim community that people don't even want to talk about because they sound so disgusting where did they start they start from a husband not taking taking care of the wife and a wife not taking care of the husband so this is this is at the heart of being a believer and sustaining our e-man taking care of the wife and taking taking care of the husband may Allah make us the best husbands and grant us the best wives