 Welcome back to another beautiful day during mental health awareness month and it's also mental health awareness week But anyways in this video I'm going to share with all of you a little bit of a story and it's about why some of you really need to stay single What is up everybody? This is Chris from the rewired soul where we talk about the problem But focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel right now I'm taking a little bit of a break from the stuff going on in the YouTube community to talk about something I'm very passionate about which is mental health. So if you're into that stuff make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell So before I jump into this story, this is going to come from a story where I was working at a rehab a drug and alcohol treatment center Where we specialize in dual diagnosis for people who have mental illness alongside an addiction to drugs or alcohol All right, so couple quick things first one is I am not a licensed therapist or psychologist my Actual job title for this addiction treatment center was lead alumni coordinator and throughout this story I'll help you understand a little bit more of what that was about But the second thing is when you work in any kind of medical setting like a hospital or a rehab like we We did inpatient detox and we had doctors and everything like that But we are bound by something called HIPAA laws These are basically Confidentially confidentiality laws where I cannot give you the names of any clients that I worked with but After talking with some colleagues and other people in the profession like I Decided that I'm gonna start sharing some of the stories on here, but in a HIPAA compliant way So throughout this story, I am going to be talking about interactions with some people that I've worked with but for the sake of anonymity and not getting my butt sued I am going to leave them completely anonymous. All right, so anyways, yes, you know in the drug and alcohol Recovery world there's often a suggestion that you should say single for a year All right, this is for a million reasons and when I was working in the treatment center I would do groups and I would also do one-on-one conversations with people because I'm a person in long-term recovery Next month on June 23rd. I will be celebrating seven years sober. I'll be turning 34 years old with but anyways So yeah, I would do groups. I'll talk to people and something I was adamant about was you know staying single and Sometimes what I would do to help solidify this fact or the suggestion was I would share with them stories that I had seen in my years of recovery or or Just even experiences from the treatment center and obviously what I would share these stories I would have to leave people anonymous as well because they're still hit the laws and that and I would mostly share these When I would do groups at our outpatient treatment center because an inpatient It was although men and women were in the same building all the groups are completely separate and for very good reason And in the outpatient setting like women had their own sober living men had their own sober living but during groups They would have it was co-ed. All right, so what you would find would be rehab romances Okay, this is very common in rehab settings Like one of the things is when you take drugs or alcohol away from somebody they their mind their brain It wants dopamine and one of the best ways to get dopamine is love affection Somebody complimenting you and people can quickly replace drugs and alcohol for a relationship or sex or whatever it is Right, and this is why you see a lot of rehab romance I have to tell them like listen if you think that you're meeting your soulmate in a mental health treatment center You need to take a step back and look at the situation and the story I'm gonna share is a perfect example why so when I first started working there I was already three years sober and I started working there and I was an alumni coordinator I hadn't been promoted to lead alumni coordinator helping with the other treatment centers around the country, but anyways So I was doing groups and there was a young woman who was actually local here in Las Vegas and the other one came from a different part of the state and While they're in treatment like I was always keeping an eye on people like if a dude and a girl were like, you know Like I don't know mingling a little too much like I'd like talk to him like yeah Do you really think this is a good idea or whatever and This guy and girl they were they were friendly, but it didn't seem like anything crazy was going on Well, anyways after our treatment center a lot of people would go to sober living in Florida Okay, Florida has a ton a ton of sober living facilities outpatient facilities Insurance policies are a little bit different out there So it's a lot easier for people to get sober living an outpatient covered out in Florida. Unfortunately here in Las Vegas Um, I don't know if that's changed recently But we didn't have any sober livings that insurance would cover but going out to Florida You could and then some treatment centers would um, you know Helping that like get on the feet get a job and everything like that But anyways, we send a lot of clients out there. We refer a lot of clients out there Like so this wasn't anything new so when this guy and this girl went out there It wasn't like anything like they would decided to go together like we would send like every time we did like discharges Like every month there'd be like it was a big facility, but there'd be 20 or 30 people who would go out there So nothing too crazy So part of my job is the alumni coordinator not just talking with people while they were in treatment But one of my primary jobs was to talk with them and provide them with recovery support after they left Call them, you know every couple weeks to a month check in say yo has everything been since you left treatment You know you need to talk to you need to vent, you know, whatever it is So I follow up with people and you know if people didn't have sponsors or they weren't going to meetings or if they weren't following up with their Discharge plan like going to therapy or taking their beds. I would talk to them be like listen like Do the stuff that we told you to do and you should be fine Well, anyways when I would call this young woman in this young man and like I also had a social media account Um, I found out that they were dating. I'm like Ah, right, this is a touch of subject like this is like a difficult subject, right? But things were working out between them. It was working out amazingly The only time that I've seen relationships and early recovery like this workout is when both people both people And this is like I'm telling you there's like three out of maybe a thousand couples that I've seen three couples have actually worked Okay, this is one of the reasons I'm so passionate about this and in the instances where it's worked It's because both people Are working very hard on their recovery. They both have their own therapists. They both have their own meetings They both have their own sponsors. They're both working their own steps, right? And these two are doing great because they were doing that they were both on their own recovery paths The reason why it gets screwed up is because some people Get rid of all the things they should be doing. They're like, okay I don't need I don't need all this other stuff You are going to keep me sober and if you're a drug addict or alcohol You really like you know people can't keep us sober, right? So they were doing well and I'll follow up with them for months and months and everything was going great and Then it came time to for them to discharge from that outpatient That outpatient actually helped set them up with jobs and everything. So a lot of people would get on their feet. Well What worried me was they decided to move in together Like typically somebody will get their own place or with some other women or you know a man will get a Home with some other men like when I first got sober when I got a sober living I Became roommates with two of my best friends from the sober living. So it was like a sober living but not a sober living But anyways, these two decided to work moving together. I'm like, that might be dangerous, right? Well, what ended up happening now, it's important to realize She came in for an alcohol addiction. She had alcoholism the guy came in for a heroin addiction So one day when they're at their apartment, you know And this is after weeks of not going to meetings anymore Not going to therapy anymore and things like that just relying on each other one One one night and I know this because she told me this They were just sitting around and they were talking and he was telling her he's like, you know what? You never even got to try heroin, right? And like with nobody else around them to like say, yo, like this is not a good conversation Like she just kind of looks at him. She's like, yeah, you know what? I've never tried heroin Okay, so this is after these two have like six to nine months sober He talks her in to trying heroin for the first time Okay, so they get heroin and I am not exaggerating this within two weeks. They lost Everything they lost their jobs. They sold everything they had including a car to get more dope Okay, it went down very quickly. Okay, and that's typically how relapses are and What ended up happening was this love of her life this guy, right? He ended up ditching her in Florida because his parents flew him back home to this other city here in Nevada And he went into treatment. So now she's stranded in Florida with nothing So anyways her mom ends up driving cross-country from Nevada to Florida to pick her up and bring her back to Las Vegas and she comes back into treatment and Like she's like, Chris, I should have listened to you guys when you said don't get in a relationship All these things and I'm like listen lesson learned grow from this learn from this, you know Get back on track with your recovery She was an awesome young woman really passionate about her recovery and getting clean So she saved in treatment another 30 to 45 days. She ended up getting out and I believe I believe her family like started paying for her apartment when she Went to outpatient and she got a new job. So she had her own place And I used to run weekly meetings at the treatment center For the alumni and she comes in she's like Chris. I need to talk to you. I'm like, okay, let's talk and she's like Chris He he just got a hold of me. He's getting he he's getting out of treatment and He says like he misses me and he wants to try this again. He wants to come down here and move in with me. I'm like Absolutely not. Okay, but I'm a realist. Okay, I know that I'm not going to keep two people from not dating each other Right. So I tell her I said listen Okay My suggestion is do not let him move in with you. Here's what I would recommend you have your own place He moves back to Las Vegas. He goes into a sober living you guys start dating and see how things go All right, and then revisit this conversation later And I also told her to talk to her sponsor about it and things like that like when I give people suggestions I give more suggestions than just mine like when I talk to other people in recovery because a lot of people come To me for advice just because I've been sober for you know a little while But what I tell people is my my opinion my suggestions are not the end all be all Typically I will say like that's your sponsor like if your sponsor tells you to do something that contradicts what my suggestion was Do what your sponsor says they know much more about you because addicts and alcoholics though They'll kind of we fit a little you know what I mean. So anyways, we had that conversation. Next thing I know This fool moves in with her so she disregarded everybody suggestions and let this guy move in with her So he moves in with her and things go well for like a week or two, right? Like she comes back to my Weekly meeting she brings him. I'm nice to him. I'm like, hey man, you know, glad to see that you're doing all right Okay, you know, whatever well then like that was the first week the second week She comes and he doesn't and I'm talking to him like hey, what's going on? Where's he at and everything? She's like, oh, he doesn't think he needs meetings and things like that. I'm like This isn't going too well next thing, you know, she stops showing up but she keeps talking to me and He convinced her that she's she's not really an alcoholic and she can drink a little bit, right? so she starts having some wine at night and This guy starts doing drugs again And she's telling me about this. I'm like, this is a very slippery slope Like you're gonna have to set up some boundaries, right and you're drinking and everything like this is not good Well anyways, he started bringing drugs back over. She ends up doing heroin some more and everything like that and What ends up happening is she calls me? Balling her eyes out and freaking out one morning. I'm like, hey, what what's going on? What what's happening and she just has no idea what to do? Well, what happened was was one night she was at home and he left to go over to a neighbor's house to do some drugs. I Don't know what drugs they were. I don't know if it was meth. I don't know if there were psychedelics I don't know if he just had a bad a bad reaction to some weed if I'm being honest But the dude went completely psychotic So he comes back home And she's telling me this story while just balling her eyes out. She comes back home and he grabs a knife and He's just talking crazy Talking about how, you know, they need to just die together and nobody gets them They're you know, they're gonna die and he ends up starting to cut his wrist in front of her, okay? And After he cuts himself, which I'm guessing wasn't too deep He goes and he attacks her with a knife so they can die together All right, and he cuts her up and thank God she's able to call 911 Think she got out of the apartment the cops show it up. He ends up getting arrested She doesn't press charges against him, but she's crying a bowling her eyes out of my girl Let let's figure this out. We get her back into treatment everything like that this guy ends up going to like a psych hospital for a bit and Like the the second half of this story like it's just pretty quick like basically what happened was He he got out of treatment. He sweet talked her again She asked me if I if I think that she should let it move in, you know, because she feels bad for him She wants to help him like this savior this captain save an addict, right? I feel bad and I'm the only person he has and all right and she lets him move back in next thing You know, they relapse again and everything just happens over and over and over again I'm like I tell this story to people because there is a reason why we tell people in early recovery That you should stay single for a year. Okay, like one of the reasons is Addicts are often attracted to other addicts because we see somebody's finally like getting me Nobody understands what it's like to be me But you meet another drug addict who you think is kind of cute too You think that this is the first person the only person in the world who understands you like you guys This is what the whole basis of 12 step programs is based off of all right like one addict helping another addict is Extremely therapeutic because they understand each other not everybody you meet is your soulmate But like this story you get caught up in terrible situations awful situations because people are extremely vulnerable Relapse rates are extremely high in the first year the longer you stay sober the more relapse rates go down All right, and what ended up happening with them Was after multiple times of them relapsing together. I don't think he attacked her again But anyway, she she kept calling me and would be back and forth about coming back into treatment and everything like that and Like just every week like she she like was how it getting in trouble at work because of her drinking even with this guy moved away because Relapses are difficult man. You never know when they're going to end like my last relapse started with one pill and took a year and a half You know what I mean? So like she was stuck in it and she'd call me like once a week crying and saying she wanted to help But she didn't know what to do and everything so finally finally I talked her into coming back into treatment and she came back in and The last I know about her was she started dating a guy in rehab Like when she was in treatment, she just started dating a guy in rehab. This guy Was so similar to the last guy that she just had this issue with and he would like come and talk to me about How like she's sending a mixed signals and stuff. I'm like, oh my god You guys like so like listen, I am no expert on no authority I'm just somebody who's been in this realm for You know coming up on seven years. I've seen Thousands upon thousands upon thousands of different situations Working in treatment being in 12-step programs just knowing a lot of people who struggle with addiction trying to get sober Like I don't want these types of stories to deter anybody from getting sober like getting sober as possible I'm living proof like I was somebody who was hopeless and suicidal at the end of my addiction So if I can do it anybody can do it But the problem is is that a lot of people don't take suggestions They want to do what they want to do and especially when it comes to relationships everybody's like, okay All right, so 99 out of a hundred relationships fail. I'm gonna be the one All right, like what I would always tell them is like I guarantee you can find a story about someone jumping out of an airplane And their parachute not working and them surviving but that doesn't mean you should jump out of an airplane and not pull open Your shoot thinking you're gonna be one of the the select few who survived this So if you're in early recovery think long and hard about getting into a relationship And when I first got sober I didn't believe it either But the people in my life were living proof I watched my friends drop off like flies because all of them started to date in early recovery and in most Situations either one person would relapse or both people would relapse. All right, I'm very very Not even me one of my best friends is very fortunate because he got into a relationship in early recovery He got his heart broken after they like they started dating within the first three months He got his heart broken by her and thank God he was able to stay sober and he's celebrating seven years this year, too All right, but anyways, I'm thinking about doing more rehab story times and just like share my experience about that So if you like this, please make sure you give it a thumbs up Let me know down in the comments below your experience on this or if you'd like me to make more videos about this It's kind of stuff and just my experience, you know without breaking any HIPAA laws and keeping things pretty anonymous I think I did a pretty good job. Well, yeah, I've done this a million times Anyways, that's all I got for this video again Please like this video to let me know that I should do more videos like this And if you're new here make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos and a huge Huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on patreon You're all amazing and if you'd like to support what I'm doing here get your name on the credits get involved in our monthly Q&A And all that good stuff click or top right there. All right. Thanks again so so much for watching. I'll see you next time