Published on Apr 18, 2012
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Lets for once talk about something that really matters: Kim Kardashian's Lady business. Is she a sex-tape star or a brilliant media mogul, if the later - get ready for our own sex tape next week.
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You know who I couldn't care less about? Kim Kardashian. And I care about a lot of terrible people - I root for Ashley Tisdale, I still think we were the problem and Shannen Doherty was the solution, and I firmly believe that singers sound way better over a pre-recorded track than they do live. All that to say, I LOVE YOU, ONE DIRECTION!
But Kim Kardashian - I try to avoid. And yet, I still know everything about her.
The girl with the most profitable asshole in the world not only has a sex tape, she's also got a hit reality show (because of the sex tape), fragrances (because of a sex tape,) a clothing store (thanks sex tape), a workout dvd (way to go, sex tape), and a song...give it up for that sex tape! She also posed for Playboy and even made the worst out of marriage and divorce - two institutions that Hollywood already loves to embarrass.
But everyone knows that stuff. Things I know that I shouldn't know? Kim took an x-ray of her butt to prove that it was real. I know that. Kim was flour-bombed at an event recently. I know that. And Jon Hamm called her out for "being an idiot." I know that too. By the way, Mad Men you guys. I mean, right?
Kim describes herself as a businesswoman. Others describe her as a woman famous for her lady business.
It's safe to say, though, that even when we're not paying attention, she makes us pay attention. And in what might be her most brilliant move yet - America's sweetfart has been hooking up with another, more talented fame whore - Kanye West. The man who doesn't understand what pressing Caps Lock twice instead of once could do for him and all of us. And now rumors are swirling that Kanye will be on the new season of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, helping them boost their ratings even more. Kanye, YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THIS. You're a huge success. Stick to intimidating tween stars and tweeting coke-fueled manifestos! Kim and Kanye together leads me no other option than to start a petition, "The Initiative to Ban the Letter K from the United States of America." Sorry, KMart, Ken doll and the KKK - we failed you.
So what is Kim? A sex tape whore or a brilliant media mogul whore?
Check out the playlist below and help me decide once and for all. We'll take a look at that hit song she released, her famous Carl's Jr. ad, and a look at Kim Kardashian on Barbara Walters' Most Fascinating People of 2011. Which means 2011 failed.
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