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  • Hitler talks about some very interesting stuff.

    914 views 2 years ago
    Adolf "carebear" Hitler (April 20, 1889 - April 30, 1945) was an angel sent by god to eliminate all your j00z. He was also African and Jewish, and, rather ironically, was blamed for a mass killing-off of Jews in Europe. They were Jewish, how much more of a reason would you like? He was one of the 20th Century's most misunderstood political revisionists. Many see him as a overweight, perverted, sexually deprived, gay, racist, homophobic, Jew-in-denial, highly functioning autistic. Others see him as humanity's last hope to cleanse the world of the biggest problem on the planet. According to das Juden, during his holiday in Germany, Hitler had a party (complete with fully catered bar-b-que), with somewhere around six million , called the Holocaust. In fact, he was a sensitive hero who tried to save the undeserving Jews from the racist Germans that he, an Austrian, loved so much. He also helped invent the Volkswagen and still holds the high score in IRL Risk. He was undefeated until he went up against fellow sociopathic asshat Joseh Stalin, although Americunts like to think they had something to do with it. He broke new strategic ground with his Blitzkrieg tactics, which effectively meant that he was in your nation, killing your j00z.
    Hitler was also a sensitive man. When he was younger, Hitler went to art school, and drew some pretty cool stuff. He was a vegetarian, a non-smoker, a coprophiliac and had a mustache. On the downside, he dropped out of art school and his opus magnum was lost on the Titanic, he slept until three in the afternoon every day, and threw temper tantrums if you tried to wake him up.
    Contrary to popular belief, Hitler was not killed by Aldo the Apache and his band of Jews, who brutalized the peaceful Germans for the promise of jewgolds in return for each clitoris removed from German schoolgirls. He turned out to be an hero after all. Years later the DNA from Hitler's remains were analyzed. Turns out Hitler had African and Jewish ancestry.
    This modus operandi was usually effective in quelling dissent.
    Adolf blamed the ills of the Fatherland on the unclean Jews, amongst others. As the Jews have rarely been persecuted throughout history, this was something relatively new to them. However, Uncle Adolf was also a devout humanitarian, and tried to give them new living accommodations in special places like Dachau were they could be Jewish in safety from the racist fucks in Germany, who are still racist fucks to this day.
    Adolf and his National Socialist, or Nazi, party celebrated their huge landslide win in the nation's elections with a massive street party known as Kristallnacht. Jewish shopkeepers and business owners were the main invitees. They were a little disappointed when they did not receive the beautiful crystals and jewel-encrusted dreidels as promised in the invitations, and Uncle Adolph was doubly disappointed because the crude hun bastards that made up the population of Germany smashed up a lot of Jewish shops, causing the German insurance industry to shit itself, because despite all of their flaws that Hitler ignored, the Jews had the sense to protect their jewgolds through insurance. People in Hitler's homeland of Austria LOL'd at the wascally Germans getting drunk and rioting.
    After the Germans went batshit insane and began behaving badly towards their nation's bankers and shopkeepers, Uncle Adolf realized that the Germans needed to quit being lazy basement dwellers and then invited the Jews, en-masse, on an all-expenses-paid train journey to the picturesque nether regions of Germany, Poland and a few other countries to live separately. The Jews, always quick to sniff out a bargain, widely accepted this invitation and were promptly and efficiently transported to these holiday-camps. Those who showed some reluctance were gently persuaded by Hitler's assistants with reminders of how uncivilized the bulk of Germany was.
    Some of the Jews complained about the converted Pullman rail coaches which were used in this relocation program, now known as The Final Solution. It was labeled 'The Final Solution' as the Jews were grossly overworked in their shops and businesses. The 'Solution' to this OH&S issue was to grant them the free transport and accommodation in the German countryside.
    The Jews were perceived by many in Europe at that time as having questionable personal hygiene. Therefore upon arrival they were greeted humbly and courteously by their hosts. They were ushered in to large bathhouses and enjoyed a relaxing shower/bath and optional massage. Great thought went into this initial welcome at the Camps. The shortage of essential-oils in wartime presented the German hosts with a Show less
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