Are emotions getting in the way of everyday life? Do you find yourself inconvenienced by moments of empathy toward your fellow man? Do you occasionally suffer from showing feelings of an Almost Human Nature? This will not do.
Time to ask your doctor about Zombitol.
Zombitol is the most effective human emotion deadening medicine on the market; guaranteed to intercept any and all attempts at real human connection instantly. After two weeks of taking Zombitol, patients reported feeling more dead inside than even the most devout Nihilist.
In fact, 9 out of 10 politicians say they can’t make it through the day without a strong dose of Zombitol.
Maybe you find yourself feeling some days sad and other days happy. Perhaps you get nervous when meeting new people. You might even be inclined to put down your smartphone when hanging out with loved ones.
Zombitol can put a stop to all of that pointless emotion.
In this fast-paced world, who has time to deal with what's actually depressing you? No need to waste precious moments expressing happiness at your children's baseball game. You've got work to do, and your boss isn't paying you to “feel things.”
If you find yourself admiring Dr. Spock, Dexter, or Agent Smith, tell your doctor that Zombitol is right for you. Zombitol is there when you yearn for the cosmic void in your heart and soul. From the makers of Repressitol™ Helping people feel "meh" since 1992.
Please consult your doctor before taking Zombitol - even though medical professionals have zero idea how this stuff actually works.
Patients only wish they could experience normal side effects such as nausea, vomiting, headaches, heartburn, and diarrhea.
Instead, patients have reported fungal infection, runny nose, lazy nose, weekend boredom, increase in semen, decrease in semen, gas with oily discharge, painful rectal itch, two poops to seven poops, red poops to purple poops, an urgent need to have them, an inability to control them, inexplicable urges to have sex with homosexuals, trouble swallowing post-blowjob, death by cop, and strong longing for the zombie apocalypse.
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