what's the Millenial question apparentlyMillennials as a generationa group of people who were bornapproximately 1984 and after are toughto manage and they're accused of beingentitled and narcissisticself-interested unfocused lazy butentitled is the big one and and becausethey confound leadership so much what'shappening is leaders are asking theMillennials what do you want andMillennials are saying we want to workin a place with purpose love that wewant to make an impact you know whateverthat means we want free food and beanbags and so somebody articulates somesort of purpose there's lots of freefood and there's bean bags and yet forsome reason they're still not happy andthat's because you that they're missingthere's a there's a missing piece whatI've learned is that there I can breakit down into four pieces right there arefour four things four characteristicsone is parenting the other one istechnologythird is impatience and the fourth isenvironment the generation that we callthe Millennials too many of them grew upsubject to not my words failed parentingstrategies you know where for examplethey were told that they were specialall the time they were told that theyhave anything they want in life justbecause they want it right they weretold some of them got into honorsclasses not because they deserved it butbecause their parents complained andsome of them got a is not because theyearned them but because the teachersdidn't want to deal with the parentssome kids got participation medals theygot a medal for coming in last rightwhich the science we know is prettyclear which is it devalues the metal andthe reward for those who actually workhard and that actually makes the personwho comes in last to feel embarrassedbecause they know they didn't deserve itso actual makes me feel worse right soyou take this group of people and theygraduate school and they get a job andthe thrust and turn it into the realworld and in an instant they find outthey're not special their moms can't getthem a promotionthat you get nothing for coming in lastand by the way you can't just have itbecause you want it right and in aninstant the entire self-image isshattered and so you have an entiregeneration that's growing up with lowerself-esteem than previous generationsthe other problem to compound it iswe're growing up in a facebook Instagramworld in other words we're good atputting filters on things we're good atshowing people that life is amazing eventhough I'm depressed rightand so everybody sounds tough andeverybody sounds like they got it we'llfigure it out and the reality is there'svery little toughness and most peopledon't have it figured out and so whenthe more senior people say what we dothey sound like this is what you got atit and they have no clue so you have anentire generation growing up with lowerself-esteem than previous generationsright through no fault of their ownthrough no fault of their own right theywere dealt a bad hand right now let'sadd in technology we know thatengagement with social media and ourcell phones releases a chemical calleddopamine that's why when you get a textfeels good rightso you know we've all had it or you'refeeling a little bit down or feeling abit lonely and so you send out ten textsto ten friends you know high high highhigh high because it feels good when youget a response right right it's why wecount the likes it's why we go back tentimes to see if and if it's going if ourmy Instagram is growing slower I woulddo something wrong do they not like meanymore right the trauma for young kidsto be unfriended right because we knowwhen you get it you get a hit a dopaminewhich feels good it's why we like itit's why we keep going back to itdopamine is the exact same chemical thatmakes us feel good when we smoke when wedrink and when we gamble in other wordsit's highly highly addictive right wehave age restrictions on smokinggambling and alcohol and we have no agerestrictions and social media and cellphones which is the equivalent ofopening up the liquor cabinet and sayingto our teenagers hey by the way thisadolescence thing if it gets you downbut that's basically what's happeningthat's basically what's happening rightthat's basically what happened you havean entire generation that has access toan addictive numbing to chemicaldopamine through social media and cellphones as they're going through the highstress of adolescents why is thisimportantalmost every alcoholic discoveredalcohol when they were teenagers whenwe're very very young the only approvalwe need is the approval of our parentsand as we go through adolescence we makethis transition where we now need theapproval of our peers very frustratingfor our parents very important for usthat allows us to acculturate outside ofour immediate families into the broadertribe right it's a highly highlystressful and anxious period of ourlives and we're supposed to learn torely on our friends some people quite byaccident discover alcohol and numbingeffects of dopamine to help them copewith the stresses and anxieties ofadolescence unfortunately that becomeshardwired in their brains and for therest of their lives when they suffersignificant stress they will not turn toa person they will turn to the bottlesocial stress financial stress careerstress that's pretty much the primaryreasons why an alcoholic drinks rightwhat's happening is because we're outallowing unfettered access to thesedopamine producing devices and mediabasically it's becoming hardwired andwhat we're seeing is as they grow olderthey to many kids don't know how to formdeep meaningful relationships theirwords not mine they will admit that manyof their friendships are superficialthey will admit that their friends thatthey don't count on their friends theydon't rely on their friends they havefun with their friends but they alsoknow that their friends will cancel outthem that something better comes alongdeep meaningful relationships are notthere because they never practice theskillset and worse they don't have thecoping mechanisms to deal with stress sowhen significant stress starts to showup in their lives they're not turning toa person they're turning to a devicethey're turning to social media they'returning to these things which offertemporary relief we know the science isclear we know that people who spend moretime on Facebook so far higher rates ofdepression than people spend less timeon Facebook write these things balancedalcohol is not bad too much alcohol isbad gambling is fun too much gambling isdangerous right there's nothing wrongwith social media and cell phones it'sthe imbalance right if you're sitting atdinner with your friends and you'retexting somebody who's not there that'sa problem that's an addiction if you'resitting in a meeting with people you'resupposed to be listening to and speakand you put your phone on the table faceup or face down I don't care that sendsa subconscious message to the room thatyou're not just you're just not thatimportant to me right now right that'swhat happens and the fact that youcannot put it away it's because you areaddicted right if you wake up and youcheck your phone before you say goodmorning to your girlfriend boyfriend orspouse you have an addiction and likeall addiction in time it'll destroyrelationships it'll cost time and it'llcost money and will make your life worseright so you have a generation growingup with lower self-esteem that doesn'thave the coping mechanisms to do withstress stress right now you add in thesense of impatience right they've grownup in a world of instant gratificationyou want to buy something you go onAmazon it arrives the next day you wantto watch a movie log on and watch yourmovie you don't check movie times youwant to watch your TV show binge youdon't even have to wait week to week toweek right I know people who skipseasons just so they can binge at theend of the season right Instagram ifoccasion you want to go on a date youdon't even have to learn how to be likeyou don't even have to learn andpractice that skill you don't have to bethe uncomfortable and which this is yeswhen you mean known says no when youmean no but yes when you you have toswipe right bang I'm a stud right youdon't have to learn the social copingmechanisms right everything you want youcan have instantaneously everything youwant instant gratification except jobsatisfaction and strength ofrelationshipsthere ain't no app for that they areslow meandering uncomfortable messyprocesses and so I keep meeting thesewonderful fantastic idealistichard-working smart kids they've justgraduated school they're in theirentry-level job I sit down with themwhen I go how's it going they go I thinkI'm going to quit I'm like why they'relike I'm not making an impact I'm likeyou've been here eight months it's as ifthey're standing at the foot of amountain and they have this abstractconcept called impact that they want tohave in the world which is the summitwhat they don't see is the mountain Idon't care if you go up the mountainquickly or slowly but there's still amountain and so what this younggeneration needs to learnis patience that some things that reallyreally matter like love or jobfulfillment joy love of lifeself-confidence a skill set any of thesethings all of these things take timesometimes you can expedite pieces of itbut the overall journey is arduous andlong and difficult and if you don't askfor help and learn that skill set youwill fall off the mountain or you willthe worst case scenario the worst casescenario and we're already seeing it theworst case scenario is we're seeingincrease in suicide rates we're seeingan increase in this generation we'reseeing an increase in accidental deathsdue to drug overdoses we're seeing moreand more kids drop out of school or takeleaves of absence due to depressionunheard of these are this is this isreally bad the best case scenario thebet those are all bad cases right thebest case scenario is you'll have anentire population growing up and goingthrough life and just never reallyfinding joy they'll never really finddeep deep fulfillment in work or in lifethey'll just just walk through life andit'll G just it's fine how's your jobit's fine the same is yesterday how'syour relationship it's fine like that'sthat's the best-case scenario whichleads me to the the fourth point whichis environment which is we're takingthis amazing group of young fantastickids would just dealt a bad hand it's nofault of their own and we put them incorporate environments that care moreabout the numbers than they do about thekids they care more about the short-termgains than the long-term life of thisyoung human being we care more about theyear than the lifetime right and so weare putting them in corporateenvironments that aren't helping thembuild their confidence that aren'thelping them learn the skills ofcooperation that aren't helping themovercome the challenges of a digitalworld and finding more balance thatisn't helping them overcome the need tohave instant gratification and teachthem the joys and impact and thefulfilment you get from working hardover on something for a long timecannot be done in a month or even in ayear and so with thrusting to them themin corporate environments in the worstpart about it is they think it's themthey blame themselves they can't theythink it's them who can't deal and so itmakes it all worse it's not I'm here totell them it's not them it's thecorporations it's the corporateenvironment it's the total lack of goodleadership in our world today that ismaking them feel the way they do theywould dealt a bad hand in it and I hateto say it but it's the company'sresponsibilitysucks to be you like we have no choiceright this is what we got and I wishthat society and their parents did abetter job they didn't so we're gonnawe're getting them in our companies andwe now have to pick up the slack we haveto work extra hard to figure out theways that we build their confidence wehave to work extra hard to find ways toteach them social the social skills thatthey're missing out onthere should be no cell phones andconference rooms none zero and I don'tmean the kind of like sitting outsidewaiting to text I mean like when you'resitting and waiting for a meeting tostart nobody go this is what we all dowe all sit here and wait for the meetingto start meaning starting ok we startthe meeting no that's not howrelationships are formed remember wetalked about it's the little thingsrelationships are formed this way we'rewaiting for a meeting to start we gohow's your dad I heard he's in hospitaloh he's really good thanks for askinghe's actually at home now oh I'm reallyglad it was really amazing I know it wasreally scary girl that's how you formrelationships hey did you ever get thatreport on oh my god no I didn't I'llhelp you out I've totally are can I helpyou out with thatreally that's how trust forms trustdoesn't form at an event in a day evenbad times don't form trust immediatelyit's the slow steady consistency and wehave to create mechanisms where we allowfor those little innocuous interactionsto happen but when we allow cell phonesand company mist okay have the meetingand then my favorite is like whenthere's a cell phone there and you golike this you goit rings and go I'm not gonna answerthat mr. magnanimous you know whenyou're out for dinner with your friendslike I do this with my friends whenwe're going out for dinner and we'releaving together we'll leave our cellphones at home who are we calling maybeone of us will bring the phone in casewe need to call an uber or take apicture of our mealbang come on I'm not I'm an idealist butI'm not insane I don't even I mean itlooked really goodwe'll take one phone and so it's like analcoholic the reason you take thealcohol out of the house is because wecannot trust our willpower we're justnot strong enough but when you removethe temptation it actually makes it alot easier and so when you just saydon't check your phone people literallywill go like this and somebody would goto the bathroom and what's the firstthing we do because I wouldn't want tolook around the restaurant for a minuteand a half you know but if you don'thave the phone you just kind of enjoythe world and that's where ideas happenthe constant constant constantengagement is not where you haveinnovation and ideas ideas happen whenour minds wander we go and you seesomething on I bet they could do thatthat's called innovation right but we'retaking away all those little momentsrightyou should not end none of us none of usshould charge our phones by our beds weshould be charging our phones in theliving rooms right remove the temptationyou wake up in the middle of night causeyou can't sleep you won't check yourphone which makes it worse but if it'sin the living room it's relaxed it'sfine hiyabut it's my alarm clock fine alarm clockthey cost $8 I'll buy you in a while