so it's not selfish to put yourselffirst so it's self full it's self fullself full to be first to be as good aspossible to you to take care of you bewilling to do a new thing in a new wayand sometimes you're gonna have to pisspeople off in the process I give allmeaning to everything I see if I seemyself as broken wounded damaged crazystupid whatever I guess meeting two thatneed motivation watching top 10 withbelief nation what's up at seven my oneword is believe and I believe in you Ibelieve you have an amazing gift insideyou that I wanna see explode out ontothe world so let's get your motivationto attend and get you believing in yougrab a snack and chew in today's lessonsfrom a woman who was born in the back ofa taxicab in Brooklyn New York had apetty criminal for a father who wasabsent from her life and had a motherwho died from breast cancer while shewas four years old to becoming aninspirational speaker author and TVpersonality she's iyanla Vanzant andhere's my take on her top ten rosessuccess vol 2 joy[Music]let's kick things off with rule numberone know who you are you must know whoyou are I'm not talking about your nameor your occupation and they're talkingabout what people say about you onFacebook I'm not talking about your PINnumber I'm talking about who you are atthe core and the essence in the root ofyour being spiritual code of conductsays you have to know who you areand that your behavior cannot maketestimony about you that is not thetruth of who you are when you have aspiritual code of conduct and when youknow who you are if you ain't know howyou don't act like a ho if you ain't adeadbeat daddy you don't act like adeadbeat daddyif you ain't not gonna you know act likea guttersnipe come on now you know whoyou arefrom the inside to the outside and yourbehavior is the demonstration of whatyou believe to be true about you specialcode of conductsays know who you are when somebodycalls you out your name in your facerule number two my personal favorite putyourself first so it's not selfish toput yourself first so it's self fullitself full self old to be first to beas good as possible to you to take careof you to keep you whole and healthythat doesn't mean that you disregardeverything and everyone but you want tocome with your cup full you know my cuprunneth over what comes out of the cupis for y'all what's in the cup is minebut I got itdon't we do that don't we take on otherpeople's stuff and make it about us whenwe don't know that we matter when youdon't know you matter you will makesomebody else's crazy about you you gotyour own stuff to handle you don't haveto take on anybody else people violateyou when you don't have clear boundariesbecause you don't tell them how tobehave in your life and they run amokthey run amok because you don't haveclear boundaries rule number three isknow your worth real self knows thetruthno matter what mask or what face youwear in the world your real self knowsthe truth and there was a time in mylife when I acted like I knew a truththat I didn't know and the truth Ididn't know was the depth of my valueand my worth you see I had already beenan author that had sold over six millionbooks fourteen different titles I hadalready been on my own television show Ihad traveled around the world I hadspoken to hundreds of thousands ofpeople and still I did not know or valuemy own worth so and a very bigopportunity to go forward and to beyondwhat was once called The Oprah WinfreyShow yes and I went on The Oprah WinfreyShow and Miss Winfrey asked me backagain and again and again and eventuallyI became part of her change your lifefaculty and it was all good I hadwritten 13 books I had traveled all overthe country I had done her showrepeatedly but I didn't know my ownsense of worth so what happened I triedto live in a place that I didn't believewas true for me and eventually I crashedand burned crashed and burned by leavingThe Oprah Winfrey Show and going on toanother network and doing another showthat didn't even survive a season allbecause I didn't know my worth now itwould have looked like all sorts ofexternal circumstances oh there was amiscommunicationbetween me and miss Winfrey and theother network was offering me a lot ofmoney and why shouldn't I take a bigbusiness deal no it was about me notknowing my own words me not being ableto stand in the miracle of being on TheOprah Winfrey Show repeatedly amonghonored teachers without having to workhard for it because that was what I hadbeen taught the matter with me was thatI didn't know how to receive a gift ablessing without working hard for itso when things came to me easily I blewhim up it's self sabotage orprocrastination or forgetting orwhatever it is that opportunity wentaway because I didn't know my worththat's the kind of truth we have to telleach other we have to be aware of it wehave to acknowledge it and we have toaccept itrule number four do not accept theunacceptable you don't have to be brokeyou don't have to struggle you don'thave to be sad and sorry you don't haveto take care of everybody just becauseyou've always done it be willing to do anew thing in a new way and sometimesyou're gonna have to piss people off inthe process sometimes those people willhold you to your limitations they willhold you to what they believe to be trueabout youspiritual code of conduct says do notbelieve that because it hasn't happenedit won't happen renew recharged yourvision and do not be tricked intothinking that because it's alwayshappened it has to continue to happenspiritual code of conduct says do notaccept the unacceptable do notaccommodate and tolerate what doesn'thonor you rule number five is changeyour thoughts close your eyes for me fora momentand I want you to hear this I give allme to everything I see breathe I wantyou to take that thought out of herewith you so that as you go back intoyour life that you remember I give allmeaning to everything I see if I seemyself as broken wounded damaged crazystupid whatever I give meaning to thatso if I want my life to have a newmeaning let me pick thoughts and imagesthat support Who I amrule number six unpack that baggage whensomething happens with a partner orfriend and even a co-worker or orsupervisor and you're bringing up allthe other times that you've experiencedthat in the pastthat's baggage when you start yourstatements about why you do something acertain way or what you're not gonna dobecause of a certain experience that'sbaggage and these are just commoneveryday things this isn't even the hardstuff so I want to give you someunpacking skills for just the commoneveryday normal baggage that we walkaround with these human beings if oneperson tells you you're a horse youdon't have to believe that if two peopletell you your horse you you may want tolisten but by the time three people tellyou that your horse you need to checkyourself because I bet you got hayhanging out your mouth and your tail iswagging in other words if you keephearing the same thing from differentpeople at different times about you youneed to unpack that package and don'thear it as criticism or make peoplewrong or badask them what they mean I remember whenmy my grandson told me that I was meanand I had heard that but I never paidattention to it because moi I me on theVIN said I can't be mean but when I satand I listened to him and I realizedwait a minute he's not the only onesaying that to me I had to hear it and Ihad to unpack it so when you hear one ortwo or three unrelated people tellingyou the same thing don't dismiss thataspect tell me more about that becausethere may be some baggage that I have tounpack rule number seven ask for whatyou want you have to ask for what youwant and don't settle for what'savailable or what you think you can getsay it again they told me say it again aspiritual code of conduct says that youhave to ask for what you want and do notsettle for something because it's allyou think you can have or because it'swhat's available if you want it singledon't settle for it if it's marriedlet me take a walk if you want it easydon't make it hard and if you want ithard then you gotta work with it if it'snot[Applause]ask for what you want and ask for thethings that are gonna up level yourwattage in life don't set off the thingsthat are going to dim your lightI'm level your wattage sometime I likebe bright blinding us your light is sobrilliant it blinds you the reflectionof its shiny back in your eye and so youget confused and you'll beat a holdingon the things that do not reflect yourown brilliance did you hear what I saidthat's your light your gift your talentyour truth can be so brilliant that itblinds you and you end up reaching outfor holding on to taking on taking careof housing feeding clothing lendingmoney to stuff that only dims your liferule number eight is trust yourselfoften we teach preach say what we mostneed to learn what was it about trustthat you needed to learn for yourselfI grew up thinking that a woman was mymother who was not I grew up thinkingthat there was something wrong with mebecause of god only knows why my lifewill you explain why so well in readingabout your grandmother I think she wasrelated to my god in all the ways thatyou make children feel inadequate yeah Iwas bad yeah I was bad yeah I had todevil in me yeah had the devil in me andshe was gonna beat it out because shewas a woman who because of the times inwhich she was raised and the suppressionand oppression had learned that it wasbest to go through the world keepingquiet keep quietbethey want you to be how do i knuckledown had I really given in to therestrictions and limitations placed onme I wouldn't be Who I am today was mytalking that saved me here was the youknow the classic shut up you talk toomuchshut up why you talk so much you'vealways got something to sayand today people pay me well hear mespeak yeah if I had shut up as a childthat may not have never had so youlearned that you needed to learn totrust yourself rule number nine usefeedback to improve even when it doesn'tfeel goodfeedback can be a really really goodthing but first I want us to make adistinction between feedback andcriticism because I think that'simportant feedback is the energy or thereturn energy of what's put out thismeans that feedback is information aboutor reactions to our state of being andour performance in our our way of beingin relationship feedback comes to us asa response or a reaction or sometime ascomments or a review of what we do andhow we show up at any given moment andfeedback has a purpose the purpose offeedback is to provide us with guidanceor direction that will serve as theinfluence for modification or change inour behavior and in our energy so inother words feedback is a cue that'ssomething we do or say or how we behaveneeds to change that's all it is nowthat sounds pretty harmless but but herecomes the challenge most feedback eitherfeels or sounds critical which meansthat it's gonna trigger a toxic memoryor a feeling which then motivates us todiscount the feedback we're receivingyou know we can't even hear it so sowhat is criticism manif feedback is criticism of what iscriticism criticism is feedback thatdemoralizes condemns judges or blamesit's feedback that is consciously orunconsciously offered to manipulate orcontrol that's the difference wherefeedback is offered to motivatecorrection or change criticism isoffered to manipulate and control and inmany many cases while what people offeras constructive criticism what they wantto give us it actually criticizes us andthat's what leads to a mental oremotional shutdown and we can lose thevalue of what's being offered becausecriticism is our offering now here's thegood news all criticism is feedback andhere's the bad news all criticism isfeedback what I mean is this whetherit's positive or negative productive orunproductive all feedback is telling yousomething you need to know aboutyourself and what you hear and how youhear it has nothing to do with who'ssaying it all feedback is about who yoube and how you be and it's bringing thatto your awareness there's something youneed to change beloved whether it iscoming at you from your mother or yoursister or your boss or your coworker oryour partner feedback is a source ofinformation for self improvement and itcan be received and used as thefoundation for altering and changingyour way of being or specific course ofbehavior and rule number 10 the last onebefore the bonus clips have a morningroutine do you have a morning ritual ohyesabsolutely soon as my eyes open 23rdsong as soon as my eyes open I'd do itand then I usually go I go sage my houseout cuz I don't know what was floatingaround in there in the night cuz youknow I live out in the bushes like youthen I make my coffee and I do love mymorning coffee and then I read my myCourse in Miracles lesson for the day Iread my Jesus calling mmm-hmm and then Iput my Bible to my head and open it andwherever it opens that's what I mean andthen I go downstairs and sometimes I geton the treadmill and sometimes I justdust it off I always get on mytrampoline uh-huh and do my 15 minutesthere uh-huh and then I get on myinversion table and I hang upside downyeah yeah because the rust of bloods ofmy head and keep me from gettingwrinkled and then I'm off for my daynow I've got some special Iyanla bonuscuts for you but before that my questionof the day for you is what is yourmorning routine what is a single thingthat you have to do every single morningleave it down the comments below I'mreally curious to find out thank youguys so much for watching I believe inyou I hope we continue to believe inyourself and whatever your one where itismuch love I'll see you soon and enjoythe bonus clipsdo ground yourself spiritually every daythat means when you get up in themorning connect with something biggergreater grander than you ground yourselfspiritually every daythat means believe in trust in connectto something bigger than you somethinggrander something more divine somethingthat makes your divinity worthwhile ifyou don't you can be knocked off Centerby everything that comes your way we'veall had that experience where it justseems that we're not moving we'reholding on or we're no matter what we doit doesn't seem to be advancing us thisis what we call the experience of beingstuck of not being able to move ormanifests or Express or experience thatwhich we desire to do being stuck isboth a mental experience and emotionalexperience and sometimes a physicalexperience and there are three reasonsthat we get stuck number one we reallydon't know who we are when you don'tknow who you are you don't know what youare capableand you get stuck in your limitedperceptions of yourself and realitynumber two when you don't want to findout who you are and you won't take therisk to push yourself beyond what youknow and when you are stuck on yourstory stuck on your sadness just stuckon being stuck you don't want to knowwho you are so you won't push yourselfyou'll stay where it's comfortableyou'll stay where it's familiar boy willyou be stuck and the other reason thatwe get stuck is because we live down toother people's expectations of us howmany times have we been told as childrenyou can't do that don't do thatyou can't do that you won't do that theywon't let me and we believe that and westay stuck raise your standard Apple atthe core its core value is that thatpeople passion not one drop of myself-worth depends on Europe it'ssuppose to mean I don't ever give up I'dhave to be dead or completelyincapacitated hey believe nation if youwant to see my all-time favorite top tenmost a success I have a very specialsecret video for you these are theindividual clips that I have personallylearned the most from and applied to mylife and my business check the link thedescription for details