A Complete History of My Sexual Failures

This is one of the year's most unusual documentaries. It's about a thirtysomething English guy called Chris Waitt. Chris has never been lucky in love. In fact, he's been a human car crash. He's been dumped hundreds of time and wants to understand why. As a result, he goes to interview all of his exes to gain some perspective. And he has kindly decided to share a with us his Complete history of his sexual failures. Coincidentally named A Complete History of My Sexual Failures. Funny that!

Chris Wait is, by his own admission, a loser in love. After 13 relationships, 47 minor erotic encounters and 16,425 unfulfilled sexual impulses, he decides to work out what's going wrong. So with a camera crew in tow, Wait goes to interview all his ex-girlfriends to find out exactly why he's failed along the way.

In my humblest of opinions, documentaries live or die on whether you actually like the documentary maker. Take David Attenborough, arguably one of the greatest TV producers in history. His natural history docs have been seen by millions round the world not only because has great footage, but also because you want to give him a hug. Hell, you'd feel comfortable taking him home to meet your parents, bringing him out on the town with your mates or even leaving him with your 16-year-old sister at a pyjama party.

Well, maybe not the pyjama party, but I think you get you my drift. Anyway 1 person who I certainly would not leave at my sister's sleepovers is Chris Wait. He's not only deeply weird ñ he's essentially a spoiled boy trapped in a man's body ñ but he has also treated most of his exes so badly that they'd be justified burning his house down. With him in it.

Nevertheless, Wait's journey is, in essence, a reasonably interesting idea. The only problem is that from the moment he ambles onto screen looking like the sort of man who would search through trash cans for food, you can't help but hate him. He's self-obsessed, he's rude, indeed he's nothing short of a grade A c*nt.

Another issue I have with this movie is that the premise of the film collapses very early on. The idea of meeting all of your exes is curious, but as so few want to meet him Wait is forced to focus on his personal issues. Unfortuantely for the viewer, this is his dysfunctional penis which, in a new low for movie making, we get to see flagellated in a torture dungeon.

Now I'm not a squeamish man, but I think that any movie that shows a flaccid penis should carry a disclaimer. A penis alert, perhaps, a wanger warning. But unfortunately Wait didn't warn me, so I've taken the bullet for you guys. Trust me it's not a pretty sight. But do you know what? My biggest issue with A Complete History of My Sexual failure is not the unlikeable protagnist, nor the pointlessness of the whole project but a disclaimer written in small print at the beginning of the credits.

The disclaimer tells us that some of the scenes had to be re-created as some of Waite's ex-girflriends didn't want to meet with him. Given that so few met him in the first place, it suggests that perhaps none of what we've seen was real. Given that this is supposed to be a documentary, I felt cheated by Wait. And this, compounded with his sheer lack of likeabiliy, puts me in the awkward position of awarding this film a feeble 2 stars.

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• chris waitt
• dungeon
• girlfriends
• loser
• love
• sex
• torture
• viagra
• whips

[whoditit]

i enjoyed watching the show stop bitching about it.

[WestEndDream]

@1crapusername i thought the documentary was hillarious as chris wait is very much like my ex boyfriend. And seeing him getting hurt and whipped and generally watching him suffer was bliss to me. XD

[HAPL0GR0UP]

bad review

[1crapusername]

review fail!

the film is genius..regardless of whether its staged or not its hilarious so who cares?

if you're scared of seeing a flaccid penis dont watch a documentary called "a complete history of my sexual failures" - clue's in the name...personally I'd rather watch 94 minutes of that than endure another 5 minutes of this guy.

anyway the main issue the film raises is how emotional trauma can cause lasting psychological problems, so in truth I'd say it was actually quite poignant...

[onskotingenk]

Just look at yourself, trashing a good documentary and then stuffing yourself with chocolate..are you serious?

[dynastyxl]

1st