Uncle Arthur Pauline Collins Upstairs Downstairs

Pauline Caullins mesmerizing stage exhibition of WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH UNCLE ARTHUR? Music: Alexander Faris, Lyrics: Alfred Shaughnessy. From. Upstairds, Downstairs TV-show Season 1, Episode 13 "For Love of Love". Edited by Jon Ber, with gratitude to http://www.updown.org.uk/sounds/lyrics.htm

Pauline Collins, who played Sarah, also released the song on a Decca single in 1973.

What are we going to do with Uncle Arthur?
A blinking stallion, is Uncle Arthur.
When he goes a-strolling in the park,
Watch your step, girls, especially after dark.
Any old skirt's a flirt to Uncle Arthur,
He's over eighty, but how he can run!
'Give us a kiss, my dear,' he'd say,
And tickle you up the boom-di-ay,
And say it was just an 'armless bit of fun.1

What are we going to do with Uncle Arthur?
Have him doctored like a tom-cat?
You'd have thought by now he'd has his fill,
But my aunt can't bloody well keep him still,
Saturday night'll find him at the boozer,
A couple of pints there, then off he will pop,2
Straighten his hat and up the street,
As light as a feather on his feet,3
A dirty old man who don't know when to stop.

What are we going to do with Uncle Arthur?
A public nuisance, is Uncle Arthur.
Though he's bald, deaf, dirty and decayed,
He's the uncrowned king of the esplanade.
Nothing on Earth can seem to damp his ardour,
He's trying harder, the older he grows.
One of these days he'll have to die,
What will he get up to in the sky?
Well Heaven and Uncle Arthur only,
You can be sure he won't be lonely,
Heaven and Uncle Arthur only knows.

1For this line, some versions substitute these lines instead:
And say it was just an 'armless bit,
A nice bruise on you, where you sit,
A 'Let me go, Uncle Arthur' kind of fun.

2For this line, some versions substitute this line instead:
Having a quick one, then off he will pop,

3For this line, some versions substitute this line instead:
An eighty-year-old who's indiscreet,

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• Upstairds Downstairs
• british comedy
• jonber.com

[rivkahchaya]

I was only about 5 years old when Upstairs, Downstairs played in the US, on Masterpiece Theatre, but Pauline Collins still made a lasting impression on me. My local PBS station reran the series when I was in college, and I was amazed at how accurate my memories of her were. Wonderful actress. We don't get to see enough of here over here.

[itsageoffrushthing]

This is one of 'em songs you just never get sick of! Such a funny old gem.

[fkd1963]

@samiskim Ruby died!

[HONCH123]

Brillaint

[dratman]

I can barely stop watching this! I missed it when Upstairs Downstairs first came out -- and, wow. I've never seen anything like it.

[dratman]

I can barely stop watchin g

[unclemort1960]

@MikeHudson65 thomas and sarah was good `bout time it was repeated

[samiskim]

I loved this series and Pauline Collins was absolutely fantastic playing the troublesome but vulnerable under house parlour maid. Upstairs Downstairs produced many memorable performances from Gordon Jackson, Angela Baddeley et al but my favourite was Pauline but also loved Christopher Beeney as Edward and the wonderful Jenny Tomasin as Ruby. I heard they were thinking of doing a re-make - I do hope so - this series was superb.

[melodyfender]

Thank you so much. I always remembered this song and thought she was wonderful.

[Jo7welder]

She was so much fun in the series, especially the above song and playing the mistress with Thomas when they had to get the letters from the Irish vagrant.