The Sickness of Self-Esteem

Jeffrey T. Guterman, Ph.D. discusses the distinction between self-esteem and self-acceptance from the perspective of Albert Ellis, Ph.D., the founder of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Guterman describes his first encounter with Ellis as a client in 1986. See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghzaip2MYS8 for related video, Albert Ellis: The sickness of self-esteem.

Category:

Howto & Style

Tags:

• self-esteem
• guterman
• counseling
• psychotherapy
• ego
• self
• rebt
• albertellis
• help
• self-help

[jguterman]

Albert Ellis died on July 24, 2007. He was 93 years of old.

[jguterman]

I cannot speak directly for Ellis, but let me interpret his position. You raise an interesting point about psychologists agreeing on a single definition of self-esteem. This is different than agreeing on self-esteem. Ellis and others might agree with Branden's definition of self-esteem (self-rating), but disagree with its philosophy (i.e., the idea that it is helpful for people to rate the self). I hope this clarifies. Thanks for the comment.

[jguterman]

One might automatically accept self but they might go back. As far as someone of high self-esteem, the short answer is—Yes! Give up the part that says they are "great people" because they do well and they are "bad people" if they fail—because if they fail, then they hate themselves, and there is no guarantee they will always succeed. Often, successful people are anxious and fear of failure is often the main cause. I suggest retain the strong desire to succeed and give up the demands.

[Yanipooh]

this soooo helps me as a student thanks a trillion!

[markywos]

Awesome video! thanks a million!

[Dodec84]

@glassmillion you don't have to deny the opinion of others .... it are the demands in your own mind that are the problem.

[weav8060]

as presented, this is a downgrading of self-esteem. The reason: self-esteem is a crucial GOAL of a rational man. The measuring is part of the few of fuel of PRIDE. There is no such thing as pride without self-esteem. Aristotle had it right, and so did Ayn Rand. By the way, perfection is part of self-esteem, but it does not mean you don't make mistakes or finish last. That has nothing to do with perfection. Moral perfection, is another matter.

[natlawful]

@jguterman i think the stuff sbout unconditional self-acceptance is so powerful yet so difficult to appropriate. i am beginning to scrape the surface. thanks so much for your posts. so helping me, so much. nathan from ireland.

[cirosuperiore]

every school in america would be horrified at showing this video...i was at a track and field tournment the other day. they were giving out gold medals to everyone who finished the race. when i asked why the guy that came in last got the same medal as the guy that came in first, they told me that they did not want to HURT the loser's self esteem...

[seyoumeye]

But don't forget that It is a society that shape the individual...this how politics, corporate and religion works...

[robshaps]

Where did you get your definition of self-esteem? Read Nathaniel Branden's definition (Who Ellis misrepresented for 3 decades). He NEVER said SE is a "rating." It's a particular way of experiencing the self.. as competent to cope and worthy of happiness. You don't rate yourself nor "conclude" you're worthy. Self-esteem starts w/ self-acceptance (I'm "enough") and not "because" one does well. Over time our choices and actions irresistibly affect how we think and feel about ourselves.

[BeHereNow21]

The idea of self esteem itself is not sickness nor illusion - but the idea that self esteem has to come from logical conclusions; that is a sickness..

[EndorphinatingQueen]

Thank you Jeff, you're videos are great!!

[Kiddmizfit]

You should never deny an opinion. Welcome all opinions as it gives you more than one option. There really is no how to when it comes to accepting yourself. I've learned to accept myself by thinking that I only have one life to live, so therefor I will live it comfortably. I will not live my life worrying how I look to this person, or wearing something uncomfortable to impress that person. I'm me, and if the person can't accept me then why am I wasting my time trying to impress them anyway?

[glassmillion]

You said everything except HOW TO accept ourselves... that's the tricky part. How to deny the opinion of others while living in the community? Is it possible at all?