Child-free, Pregnancy or Shared Parenting?

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• Child free
• Pregnancy or Shared Parenting

[originalmiramar]

i think children should be on the back burner for now, you need to sort out ur own issues first before you even consider a child. if i were you i would store my eggs and then consider the surrogacy issue later on in life. because you want the surgery and let's face it, having a kid is not practical for you right now; you cant deal with ur sick spouse, your own issues and a baby at the same time.

[sillyyetsuccinct]

@originalmiramar Thank you for your input. Storing eggs is not simple. It would require 1) stopping testosterone for a total of what would be at least 6 months 2) finding a fertility clinic nearby willing to work with a trans person 3) taking massive amounts of estrogen to induce egg production 4)an invasive medical procedure to have them removed 5) a vast sum of money that I don't have 5) and they would only be stored for 5 years

[thedancemetaltwins]

I was think about your situation all day, and I thought: If having a child can't be an option when it boils down to it, maybe you should adopt a pet? Pets are a great way to fill your need to nurture, and may be even therapeutic to your spouse as well. A dog would be an obvious choice for this situation, especially an older one that's already house-broken. Volunteering to help people or animals is a great way to fill that care giving void too. I hope this helps. :)

[sillyyetsuccinct]

@thedancemetaltwins You should see my video titled "Alfred Has 2 Daddies" :) Our dog, Alfred, turned 1 this May :) He really is wonderful and we love him to pieces. Your advice is spot-on, he has been great for all the things you've mentioned. Thank you for thinking of us!

[Larstable]

I don't get why people who have commented think you don't want a child badly enough to have one. Seems to me you do desire having a child, but are prepared to accept the situation if it turns out you can't have one.

Also, things might change in the future, and maybe someday same sex couples will be able to adopt in Sweden? I was a bit surprised though, because I looked into studying/working in Sweden, and they made it sound like they're so open minded with lgbt related stuff...

[sillyyetsuccinct]

@Larstable Thank you for understanding the situation. I was a little confused by some of those comments too. It's legal for same-sex couples adopt, but the only adoption is international adoption (excellent social welfare + free, legal, accessible, unstigmatized abortion + affordable, unstigmatized contraception (free for teenagers) = no extra babies). None of the agencies in the countries that Sweden has adoption agreements will adopt to same sex couples.

[sillyyetsuccinct]

@Andi8Roses I'm 25 and my husband is 28. But like I said in the video, part of my reason for wanting to make a decision soon is because I need to have a surgery that will render me sterile.

[WhoaKaela]

My aunt and uncle never had children and they were perfectly happy. It seems kids are a change for some couples who get bored, but since you are poly, I would assume that wouldn't be an issue. Personally, I think having children when you don't truly desire them is irresponsible. Overpopulation is the Earths #1 problem. However, I understand some people might feel empty inside without their kids.

[shwinggum]

If it were me, I'd get the meta, knowing there are always many more options regarding children. Also, considering what testosterone withdrawal does to you, I don't think pregnancy would be a good option. You've got to think about the estrogen going crazy when you're pregnant, which'll make it a thousand times worst...

[AlorenNS]

Life* The point is I think had I known more about alternate lifestyles and gender questioning and asexuality... I probably would have chosen not to have children or even be in sexual relationships at all. I just hope that more and more awareness spreads so people know they are not freaks just people. That being said I do cherish my children and try to make the best of my lfe as is.

[AlorenNS]

I am not exactly in an alternate parenting lifestyle but I am a parent. I have a 1 and 3 yr old. The second was very unplanned due to a failed vasectomy of my partner. I have actually come to identify as asexual myself and while I was never really into sex or had sexual attraction I had no idea asexuality was a valid orientation so I lived my lee as a heteronarmative person.

[icycoolliz]

One last thing, & i'm super sorry for writing so much!!! I just was thinking about it pretty deeply. I want also wanted to mention that this child would basically be like a melting pot of acceptance & enlightenment & there needs to be more people like that in this would. I mean you have the mixed nationality, the transsexual (i apologize if that is not the correct term!), the sexual orientations, & even the polyam! Plus your offspring will obviously be very attractive!! wheres the negative? lol

[icycoolliz]

Also with the disability, it is a factor, but if being a parent is important to you, you have to remember there are sooo many very succesful single parents, so everything more than you would just be icing on the cake for the child. If it you will still be able to get the bottom surgery after the pregnancy it is a good option especially in a poly parent situation where someone could help care for the child during recovery. you also do bottom surg. b4 preg. then historectomy afterwards.

[icycoolliz]

I think something to help you make your ultimate decision is to the of the consequences wether posative or negative. I'd have to say that I sway towards you carrying the baby & having a C-sec. It's possible to then take care of the child with just the 2 of you recognized as the parents or by sharing with the donor sperm couple. When it comes to what the child thinks about it's situation, wether its with a poly fam or just yall 2, i don't believe it would think it is at all strange.

[TheOneWingedBird]

Hmm... I have no advice on the whole pregnancy or adoption, or on raising kids because I am far too young to be a parent. But I must say one thing, and I hope it doesn't offend. I'm not sure about the "shared" parenting thing, because some kids are shy and don't like to hang around with lots of people. Also getting used to different standards with different people. But alas, this comes from a person who was a shy child, and most children are outgoing and friendly so it might not be a problem.

[prettysummergurl]

I don't have an answer but i understand as I am feeling very similar. My love go's to you and yours. Zoey !

[eawass]

what's with this irony - we'll give you free trans-related surgeries, but we don't support you adopting children.

[signoffs]

ill mail you some sperm if u want...