Jay Kiew - Perfect World [Original]

Wrote/composed this in 2.5 hours on my phone. Feedback appreciated!


Jay Kiew - The Perfect World

[Verse 1]
Night after night, she sits outside,
She's staring at the stars she can't tell apart, yet
She yearns for something more, but she's not too sure,
what exactly it is that she wants but she's missing it
With Notebook in her lap, and her hair just like that, and the scenes all match,
She's the ...

[Chorus]
She's the girl, she's the girl,
She's the girl, she's the girl
She's the girl, she's the girl,
She's dreamin' of, of the perfect world, the perfect world
She's the girl, she's the girl,
She's the girl, she's the girl
She's the girl, she's the girl,
Who's dreamin' of, of the perfect world, the perfect world

[Verse 2]
Time ticks, who cares,
She's here so the clock's gone weird
When the watch stopped, ten on the dot,
She let go of what she feared
I could've sworn that we just started, but my beat hearted the way she moved
At twice the speed, she's reciting her past memories when she's put at ease, ooh,
She's a poet, quoted, the classic writer, I know it.
Hopeful romantic, expanded, when it's quiet out, she's at it,
dreaming away, of a brand new day, when it's picture perfect, and they're standing,
on a pier by the beach, his hand is at reach, and their emotions, cannons.
She blinks, thinks to herself, maybe, one day, but now, naw, not yet,
Prince charmin' might take a while, but when he comes, he'll smile and say, "Hey"
But for now ...

[Chorus]
She's the girl, she's the girl,
She's the girl, she's the girl
She's the girl, she's the girl,
Who's dreamin' of, of the perfect world, the perfect world
She's the girl, she's the girl,
She's the girl, she's the girl
She's the girl, she's the girl,
Who's dreamin' of, of the perfect world, the perfect world

Category:

Music

Tags:

• Jay
• Kiew
• Perfect
• World
• Girl
• Original
• Song
• Open
• To
• Interpretation

[Shugo5775]

Hm, as usual I like your work, Jay. However the first verse could do with some minor revision as - while it makes sense - the general tone's following the flow of words doesn't necessarily flow in my mind. But, that's just my two cents, really. You're a phenomenal singer, man!

[ilpredes]

@Shugo5775 Thanks man, could you expand on that =D Appreciate the feedback. Are you talking about the lyrics or the way I'm singing it?

[SunshineSweetie22]

:)

[Shugo5775]

@ilpredes I think the lyrics can remain the same if you reviewed the tone of your voice for the last parts of the verses. You generally start out very strong and the last half of the lines fall short. "She yearns for something more, but she's not too sure," The first half follows the previous structure very well but then the second half falls short of the original structure. Not sure if it's just me, though. xD

[dantesilv]

she's our wonderwall :)

[Tlidnr]

Amazing