Myths About Being Single: Black Women Speak Out About Loving Themselves and Living Life Solo

It's a new and startling fact: Most American women spend more years of
their adult lives unmarried than married. Several factors contribute to
the trend. Women postpone marriage till an older age, they divorce more
frequently, and they choose to live with their partner rather than
marry. Motherhood, and even pregnancy, no longer require a significant
other. Women once saw living single as a transitional period-singles
marked time till they found "the one." But now marriage is the
transitional stage, connecting one unmarried period of life to another.
Black women reflect and impact this overall trend. Statistics show that
70 percent of African American women live without a man, despite
traditional expectations within the community.

In a new book, I Didn't Work This Hard Just to Get Married, through lively and
revealing interviews with women from various walks of life, Nika Beamon
explores the challenges and issues affecting single black women who defy expectations. Written in the best tradition of women talking to women, and girlfriend to girlfriend, the book delivers tales of lessons learned, hard times and good times, told by women who found ways to achieve their dreams by defying convention. Their conclusion: Singlehood, whether temporary or permanent, and though often challenging, is a fulfilling state.


I Didn't Work This Hard Just to Get Married is available for preorder on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.com

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[rydar1978]

Oh, by the way, 70% black women are NOT single. 70% of black women are UNMARRIED. There is a huge difference. The 70 single stat given on the Oprah show is very misleading.

Many of the so-called single BW are actually in long term relationships, Engaged, widowed, ETC.

[Denali1217]

It's not misleading... if you are not married in this society, you are by definition single. There are only a few categories to check ona census form or any other official documents when they ask for yoru status. They are single, married, divorced or widowed and the vast majority of black women are not married... thus they are single. Just b/c we accept or recognize long term relationships in our community as making someone not single doesn't mean that society does the same.

[josekortez]

More proof that these black women would prefer to see the black man go extinct than acquiesce. Good luck with rationalizing your nasty attitudes and stubbornness, black women.

[Denali1217]

Your comment is proof that you don't pay attention to detail...there are innumerable comments here from me the author explain that certainly that's not the case and there is nothing in the trailer to indicate male bashing or that women prefer to be without a companion. Pls. check your facts before speaking. My book is simple about embracing life the way it is, improving yourself, so that when or if the right man comes along you are prepared for a healthy union and not settling.

[josekortez]

You are delusional but you'll be some other man's problem. Or you won't be some other man's problem.

[Denali1217]

It is clear you are ignorant and not literate b/c I've explained what my project is about. I have a man so certainly I am not in denial and not someone's problem. Thank you though for showing women what not to looking for in another-- someone who doesn't pay attention, research something before speaking and refuss to listen to logic.

[powertoachieve]

Why so many single BW are having a hard time to find a good BM to share their life with. 1:You will not find Mr.right at a club, 2: Places like the library,gym,church, keep your eyes open,be relax,stop looking mad. No good BM will approach you looking like that. 3rd: Good BM are all up in your face all day: The policeman,plumber,Bus driver,goal oriented and more. Unless you are attracted to the opposite(thug).

[deonnanaxoxo]

i hate when black people stereotype each other like that but cry like hell when a white person prejudices against them. u have no right to stereotype/generalize about black women.

[zk92000]

This is idiotic. Sounds more like the spoiled child effect. (I cant have what i want, therefore i will PRETEND i dont really want it.) Bottom line is women who do want a fufiling relationship with a man are not going to it by pretending that - (Singlehood is a fulfilling state.). Nothing is fulfilling if its not what u truly desire. Stop with the self brainwashing.

[MetaSensuality1983]

@808Lana

U got it right at the end. Because that's exactly what it leads to lesbianism

[tomomichan2]

Brebre2sweet, please ignore this lonely black bitch. She's 38 with no man and thinks she can tell black women who to love. Lmao. She's sorry and can't even debate properly.

[blackloverules]

@brebre2sweet09 It IS black genocide. I'm mad at both black women and black men for stepping outside of their own people. They are both sellouts. It;s not natural to interbreed, period. You can call me jealous all you want, but black men should stick with their women and black women should stick with their men. Black love will never die!

[brebre2sweet09]

What!!! really ur just ignorant thats all that is. Black women are not the same... for example what about the white women who date the no good black men too. Trust me every black man with a white women is not a good black man and every black man with a black women is not a bad man or thuggish... really you NEED to get ur facts straight or dont say them at all.

[brebre2sweet09]

it not about black genocide it about loving the person you love. Thinking like that means you might be alone for a long time. that the problem with black women sometimes. We can be picky open your mind! No offense i bet ur the type of women who sees a black man white a women of another race you get mad!!

[blackloverules]

First of all not every black woman wants to get married. As for me, I do, with a black man, but if that doesn't happen, then I just have to get used to being by myself because I'm not messing with no non-black man. I will nor be a part of the black genocide.

[showandtell41]

Black woman are single because they are selfish and spoiled.. they only date thugs for there on satisfaction and put down good black man by saying, be a man so they can go out with they thuggee boyfriend, its  to bad that the black man has to learn this from another race. Be a women.

[mylifeiz]

@deonnanaxoxo

That 70% of blk women SINGLE STATS is false! Google Black demographics. The CENSUS says that 48% of Blk WOMEN are MARRIED. SO how can 70% be single?

You should see how they come up with these statistics.

If you go look at the FBI stats for rape it would blow you away. They say BLKS committed 40,000 rapes? Yet when u look at the arrest... it says there were 4,803 Rapes?

These LIARS say there were 40,000 rapes by BLKS, based on aN ESTIMATE of WOMEN WHO DID NOT REPORT IT?

[808Lana]

I disagreee with the user below me who said marriage is a BUM DEAL. 70% single is just plain WEIRD. Why would you want to be single , raising children when you can have a husband and a second income in the home? I think it's weird for an entire group of people as a whole ...to want to be unmarried and "age" alone with material things and no human partnership...unless these women choose to be with each OTHER, which is exactly what this sounds like. No offense.