Submission to the Pwnage Olympics Round 2: Brett Keane's Soliloquy

The unlikely (and somewhat still unbelieving) 3rd place entry of the 2011 Music Round of the Pwnage Olympics!

This is a musical response to: http://www.youtube.com/user/brettkeanedotcom#p/a/u/3/i9AsPAYNq3s

In case you couldn't get the lyrics, here they are:
I am the very model of an idiotic atheist,
With opinions so ass-backwards I Turn agnostics to deists,
My irrational answers in the light of factual evidence,
Suggest that the best course for me is to take up nuthouse residence.

I continue to grovel for handouts like it is Christmas,
Because I have a growing waistline and Amazon wishlist,
But if you call me out on it and I don't just go and block you,
I will debate you on Skype and lose but claim that I have rocked you.

I despise all the haters, fools and trolls who seek to flag my vids,
And all the Straightd0pe fanboys who deride me, my wife, and my kids,
So if you seek to come at me and false flag any clips today,
My simple reciprocity will be a damn DMCA.

I claim that there's a war afoot and I am with the winning side,
Despite the fact my only combat has been with my waning pride,
I constantly am parroting that I'm some great truth-seeker,
But if you get me in a debate I'll squeak like that Muppet Beaker.

Nowadays I exist as a fugitive of the upper class,
I'm wanted here on Youtube for being some sort of grand bad-ass,
I beg and plead for money or my house will be foreclosed upon,
Because apparently I refuse to seek a meaningful job.

If you ever have occasion to hap upon and talk with me,
I'll prove that if a God exists he thinks we are a mockery,
If we're made in his image then his maker skills are going south,
Because I was born with a case of diarrhea of the mouth.

So now the gauntlet has been thrown and I seek straightdope for a match,
Of brains and wits and other things but there still is just one more catch,
I refuse to agree on times and dates, and modes of recording,
Cuz secretly inside of me my testicles are quivering.

I know that if I duel with Dope my weak façade will be torn down,
Like Jericho, the Berlin Wall or this mortgage I won't pay down,
So if my responses seem oddly just a bit repetitive,
It's just that I don't want to end up feeling like I'm insultive.

No matter what the haters say I find it weak and frivolous,
Because I'm suave and debonair and charming and hilarious,
Just like a flaring case of herpes irritates bugs and persists,
I am the very model of an idiotic atheist.


Thanks to Gilbert and Sullivan for composing the score to Pirates of Penzance.

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• webcam
• video
• scarletspeed7
• pwnage
• olympics
• brett
• keane
• idiot
• youtube
• mrevilution
• gilbert
• sullivan

[inquisitorMence]

Told you it was worth big points...

[scarletspeed7]

@inquisitorMence You were right!

[bunnygotfree]

Dude. Just... dude. Fuuucking awesome. I'm shocked that you managed to condense so much immense shitbaggery into only 3 minutes!! Given Brett Toad Keane's history, that alone is worth the gold ;) Also, FYI, you rawk sweetie. <3

[scarletspeed7]

@bunnygotfree That's the nicest compliment ever.

[BiggestOfDaddies]

It'll be hard to beat this one. I had AHughman pegged to win it until I saw this one. Still making my way through. But good job, really well done.

[scarletspeed7]

@BiggestOfDaddies Thanks! I'm not sure I'll win at all, but it'd be nice to place.

[TheGoldenNostril]

Lol look at the state of you

[jimmy1598]

lol jay will kill you for this :P

[lupocephalic]

Holy fucking win, Batman, its a Pwnasaurus.

[Nagneto]

Well played! I hope we can see more in the future.

[FHomeBrew]

Congratulations!

[CraniumOnEmpty]

wow, good job. I like it.

[fulishproductions]

good stuff.