How To Not Be a Soccer Mom

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Just because you're chauffeuring the kids all over creation doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your cool factor.

To complete this How-To you will need:

SUV add-ons
A selection of MP3s and DVDs
A fashionable wardrobe
Athletic skill
Creativity
A portable grill

Step 1: Avoid bumper stickers

Avoid bumper stickers. Other moms show so much signage, their SUVs look like they've got NASCAR sponsorship. You, on the other hand, don't need a sticker to show the world you're proud of your kid.

Step 2: Toughen up your media

Make your MP3 and DVD collection into a punk rock primer. Ban the Wiggles from your car, and teach your kids about the joys of the Clash, the Ramones, and Black Flag.

Tip: High-energy music is an excellent way to psych your kids up for the big game.

Step 3: Don't wear the uniform

You don't have to wear the soccer mom uniform to fit in. Keep scrunchies, Keds, and "mom jeans" far away from your closet. You can be just as comfortable in a mix of tailored jeans, cute blouses, fitted blazers, and comfortable, stylish flats or boots.

Step 4: Play soccer

Soccer moms watch from the sidelines, but cool moms bring their cleats and join in the game.

Tip: Some leagues offer coed and multigenerational teams so that parents and kids can play together.

Step 5: Make routine into a game

Since parents of active kids keep a hectic schedule, it's easy to get into a soccer mom rut. Keep things fresh by incorporating fun, original games into your routine, like the get-ready-for-practice Olympics or "making up songs about homework."

Step 6: Tailgate

Don't wait until you get home to have dinner. Bring a hibachi and some side dishes, and turn the soccer game into an excuse to tailgate.

Step 7: Work from the road

Conduct high-powered business dealings on the go! Turn your driver's seat into a portable workstation by setting up a wireless network in your car. Videoconference, email, and close that big sale all while you keep an eye on the game.

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Category:

Howto & Style

Tags:

• child
• controlling
• freak
• how-to
• howcast
• mother
• overbearing
• parenting
• smothering
• soccer-mom
• sports
• stage

[ClassicRockFan1220]

Um, there was one problem. How about instead of the fucking Clash, play some Zeppelin. Then you don't need to do anything else, your automatically awesome after that.

Problem solved. =)

[amatoanima]

"Blouses and fitted blazers" ?

WTF...no. No. No. NO.

Rule 1. NEVER use the word blouse in place of shirt. It's a shirt. Period.

2. Don't drive a f-cking van or SUV

3. Don't have kids?

[sam9116]

1:42

this will turn soccer mom into a traffic threat and we now have reasons to elinminate all soccer moms from the world!

[TheAlissLynn]

You will need-

A CONDOM

[yummymummydating]

Best way to keep you individuality is to date some younger guys ;-) xxx

[BellatrixHastings]

making up songs about homework?!?!?!?!?!?!?

[atlroxmysox98]

@smilesillyc999 unfortunatey its not a joke. Howcast is a real show of small clips that show you how to do stuff, but with increadibly cheesy acting. : /

[sosa3061]

SMASH

[smilesillyc999]

this is a joke... c'mon, someone tell me it is

[hursty2209]

that was a joke right?

[VinnyOWNZ21]

@ohemgeeadrienne

Real fans of any of that music wouldn't be a soccer mom.

[Nidonemo]

Coolness is a title that is given. Not learned, or created by the person themselves.

However, being a generally nice person, or someone who is easy to get along with will generally boost your chances at earning this title.

Do not want it, simply receive it, smile, and move on. :)