This is how it really happened.
The Revolutionary War came about because of the bitter feuds between the America and Great Britain. It was later revealed that King George III was actually the father of our beloved president, George Washington, who was the father of George Washington Carver. George Washington Carver used his knowledge of peanuts to aid his father in the Revolutionary War, also known as World War Zero.
Then Russia valiantly entered the battle by launching Sputnik, which was the prototype of the Death Star. Luckily, Washington and his son were able to overcome the communists and vampires and save our race from extinction. Bombing Hiroshima was the final blow dealt to Great Britain, and King George died of Carpal Tunnel syndrome.
Ulysses S. Grant (Washingtons vice president) turned out to be a double-crosser, as he betrayed Washington, by cutting the brakes on his horse. Washington died in the resulting explosion, and George Washington Carver avenged his father by using the first atom bomb on Ulysses S. Grants house, and was then appointed to President. And justice was restored until the rise of Winston Churchill and his Canadian Empire.
On November 27th, 1537, Winston Churchill and George Washington Carver met in Hawaii to discuss a peace treaty between Canada and the United States of America, in hopes of ending the largest arms race the world has ever seen. Just after Carver signed the treaty, Churchill pulled the pen away from Carver, and proceeded to stab Carver in the jugular vein with it.
As the bloodied Carver fell, the maniacal Churchill spoke, Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo? It'll be spring soon. And the orchards will be in blossom. And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields... and eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries? After Churchill recited this bizarre passage, he pulled off his shirt to reveal a swastika tattooed across his chest.
Churchill then used the pen, still wet with Carvers blood, and stabbed himself to death with it. There was then an emergency election held, and the newly appointed President Ford was the victor. President Ford had great political dreams, and his image was further strengthened after his role of Han Solo in Star Wars, as well as Indiana Jones. Harrison Ford, on the day he was appointed President, gave one of the most heartfelt speeches of the 1500s.
It is as follows: A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far away. [President Ford then sneezed]. My fellow Americanananananans. I gratefully accept this honor to lead one of the greatest planets on this continent: The United States of America. I promise to mold this country to my own twisted vision of freedom and prosperity, and I can promise that I will ultimately destroy anyone who stands in my path. [There was much Applause]. Harrison Fords presidency lasted from 1537 until 1954, when he was put in prison for using a tank to get through rush hour, and jaywalking.
The next president to take over was that Japanese guy who eats all those hot dogs. He was impeached for conspiracy to kill the president. He was the last president America had ever known, because Johnny McFakeName brought the country to its knees in a ruthless dictatorship from 1956 until 1492, with periods of anarchy in between. Luckily, that same year the empire of Lord McFakeName fell, and an acrobat named Christopher Columbus built the Statue of Liberty, and stood on top of its head as she marched across the ocean, where they stumbled upon America.
They made peace with the natives, although soon after, Christopher Columbus was chased out of America for illegal cookie dealings, and went back to his home country of Scotland, and became the Loch Ness Monster. The Native Americans were experienced warriors, having a 1337 clan on Counter-Strike and being nationally recognized for skills in Frolf.
However, this did not deter Hitler from striking down on them with all of his hatred. Hitler had always held a grudge against the Native Americans, ever since he lost a Rock-Paper-Scissors match against Squanto. Hitler declared war as well as bankruptcy on the Native Americans, but the Native Americans launched a surprise attack on Hitlers army.
On October 22, 1489, the Native Americans crashed the Nazi party. Hitler refused to surrender however, but, being diagnosed as a hypochondriac, died of his illness 2 minutes and 51 seconds later. Unbeknownst to the members inside the Nazi frat party, the world was undergoing major changes. Andre the Giant sneezed, breaking Pangaea into 7 continents (and 9 planets). The dinosaurs had nowhere to go, so they found work in movies, such as Jurassic Park, Barney, and the special edition of Gone With the Wind: Dino A Go-Go!
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lol, this would be an F-------------!
LyokoLover910 3 years ago
@LyokoLover910 rely? i ended up with an A+ in class, no joke
TheSquigy 1 year ago