Fork Crime by DOODAH PING & SOSSY YMK

Another sneak preview from the forthcoming Christmas release, "A WhiteX Xmas", released to mark the birthday of Doodah Ping: with Doodah himself on lead vocals and Sossy on funky guitar.
Doodah has long-lived in the shadow of Prince Charles, whose birthday is the day before Doodah's, which meant that as a child, he often got mugs and tee-shirts featuring the Prince of Wales on account of their being markedly cheaper the day after his birthday. This caused Doodah to hate Charles, with many claiming he was the naked flasher in the tunnel in Paris causing Diana's driver to swerve on that fateful night. Imagine Doodah's despair when he discovered that Charles & Diana had been divorced for many years and that in some ways her demise suited his nemesis. He had hatched a plot to kill his mother, the Queen, thinking it would upset him, until it was pointed out to him that this too may suit Charles in some way. In the end, Doodah turned away from revenge and has decided to blaze his own trail in Maddistonian rap.
Back to the song. Based on a true story, the song relates how a fight over an insult to a rudely shaped vegetable caused the death of 28 people, the break-up of 21 marriages, the orphaning of 321 children, and a run on a leading high street bank and lendor.
Esther Rantzen was obliged to issue an apology for showing the vegetable on national TV, although she maintained her innocence on the sensitivity of the subject, claiming she was unaware that the vegetable didn't belong to the person who took the photo.
She was suspended for three months, after the entire readership of the Daly Male wrote to decry the fall in journalistic standards at the BBC. "There was a time when a journalist would check his sources, but the BBC researcher was happy to accept the word of the person who sent in the photo without a home visit to the allotment and DNA sampling to check the authenticity of the claim."
David Cameron promised that the incoming Conservative government would act decisively to root out this problem, accusing Gordon Brown of dithering when he set up a Royal Commission on Ill-Shaped Vegetables to report on the issue in the spring of next year, saying that this problem required urgent attention. Vince Cable of the LibDems observed that he had predicted a crisis on "vegetable shaped issues" over a year previously. Alex Salmond pointed out that the Scottish Parliament had legislated on the issue in 2006; whilst Rhodri Morgan claimed that this had never been a problem in Wales, since the leak was adopted as its national emblem, and generations of leak-growing had perfected the produce.
In Northern Ireland, the parties could not agree on the question, Sinn Fein claiming that the problem had only existed since the 1800 Act of Union, whilst the DUP put this down to an IRA splinter group who had taken to terrorising vegetables since the Good Friday Agreement, making calls for a decommissioning of their garden implements to be supervised by a US Senator, with many thinking Hillary Clinton suitable for the appointment.
A spokesman refused to confirm or deny that she was allegedly considering this posting, although he said off the record that it was more likely that she would accept such a task in her own country, if invited by the incoming president to do so: "she would be honored to be asked to straighten out this nation's ill-shaped vegetables, I'm sure" although she had refrained to comment on the subject during her campaign for the Democratic Nomination, fearing that she was venturing onto ground where McCain had the expertise (particularly in the field of potatoes).
POSTSCIPT: Since the original posting of this video & Obama's sweeping to power, the issue of ill-shaped vegetables has been forgotten, having sadly been overlooked during those important first hundred days (everyone knows that it's easier to straighten a vegetable out in the first 100 days, so we've got the first blot on President Obama's copybook.

Category:

Music

Tags:

• Pish
• WhiteX
• Xmas
• rap
• fork
• crime