Bad Therapy for Abuse Victims and Survivors

Everything You Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html

Victims of abuse are saddled with emotional baggage which often provokes even in the most experienced therapists reactions of helplessness, rage, fear and guilt. Countertransference is common: therapists of both genders identify with the victim and resent her for making them feel impotent and inadequate (for instance, in their role as "social protectors"). Reportedly, to fend off anxiety and a sense of vulnerability ("it could have been me, sitting there!"), female therapists involuntarily blame the "spineless" victim and her poor judgement for causing the abuse. Some female therapists concentrate on the victim's childhood (rather than her harrowing present) or accuse her of overreacting. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html)

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[Kayenne54]

@AngryActivist45 Never blame yourself. Never. You could NOT KNOW. They pick "good, kind" people for a reason. I found out the hard way too. My mistake was to think most people are good, or rarely deceive. I've now learnt that there are a sub-group of humans who are probably born deceivers. Psychologists can't pick them, so how could you or I? Research the beginnings re. psychopaths. You'll feel better. Its not a flaw to be deceived. You are the better being. Forgive yourself. It wasn't you.

[saffnpepa]

abuse is not a relationship. its premeditated violent crimes. abusers use the words love and relationship as a cloak to change the perception of the real motive. the real motive is beat down, overpower, control and destroy the victims health, reputation, and finances so the abuser can boost their own egos, financial greed, and public popularity at the expense of the victim. its cold. its calculated. theres no love in it at all. just power tactics. as a victim, im not liberated by it. im sickened

[milascave2]

@saffnpepa I don't agree that it is always premeditated. Some abusers slide into the role slowly, without realizing it. The human capacity for self deception is enormouse.

[lexikalfanfic]

This was a great video, thanks. Could you make a video for abuse survivors with tips on how to help their therapist not view them in a certain light (see them as dumb, blame-worthy, masochistic or ignorant, etc). Most people in therapy generally want to get better, but for the abuse survivor trust is hard and it becomes even more complicated when the therapist consciously or subconsciously half blames the patient. Thank you so much for your videos.

[Hawaiiansky11]

@saffnpepa - They are 'real' vampires.

[Catrice1031]

Thank you Mr. Vaknin for this video. You have literally detailed my exact experience with therapists in the last three years since the last violent assault. It has also been the various positions of EAP workers 2001-2007 Due to workplace bullying by other co-workers inspired by the domestic abuse of my ex-boyfriend/co-worker. I feel much better that these issues with therapists are common and that I am not alone in the experience. you have helped my journey to make sense.

[sxcmissy77]

Thank you Dr Vaknin.

[michaelbenjaminsa]

Sam - Thank you thank you thank you - I have puzzled together my life over the past few days. I am certain as the sun will come out that I was a victim of abuse from all 3 members of my family. I only started talking at 4 years old. Every time I stumble on to your insight - I am able to puzzle more and more. The symptoms that you list make devastatingly clear visions of my life. If there are other survivors or stories like mine - please relate. Today was day 3 of my life- I am 35 yrs with 3 kids