(see description) Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays

I was laughing too hard, sorry.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.


3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a Guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.


4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.


5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.


6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.


9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.


10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.


11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.


13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.


14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.


15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.


16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.


22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.


23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.


28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally stapled it to the wall.


29. As I raced up the parkway, late for a final, the Canadian Goose took off from the lake at such a tangential angle that it struck the front of my car with a sound like that a pillow case filled with chocolate pudding would make if it hit the front of a car flying at 65 mile per hour except without the burst of feathers.

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• had
• to
• share

[recondoc82]

Thanks for the info page bro, some of these are pretty damn funny... some of these kids have way too much spare time to think of this shit. Anyway thanks again, and no hard feelings.

[SomethingSeaUploader]

Yeah, no hard feelings.

I just wonder about that phrase "too much spare time". I don't think that's possible, and possibly dangerous to productive thinking.

[JerryCurl34]

haha these are some funny analogies. Like me when I write, half nonsense in substitute for harmony. The bowling ball XD

[Logixmaster]

they weren't written by kids, they were written by adults trying to be funny. I got here because your video is linked to in a CNN article.

[WhatsHerFace2468]

I just loved watching you read it, it was funny xD

[whydizz]

You took the funniness out of this video by messing up every sentence and not being able to keep a straight face. you need to learn how to read better.

[dubaipete]

You cracked me up - brought tears to my eyes. Man, laughter is contagious.

[crystal0angel]

u r cute

[DJCrabCake]

Wow, you have a great list. When I listen to you, all I hear is slurping and giggling.

[kittycatsrule]

omg! these highschoolers in there term

"are dumber than a piece of shit my two year old bro just made"

[hockeychick8p]

HAHAHAHA.. yeah not really funny....