The complete manifesto, as originally written:
We, the left-handed people of the Internet, wish to bring attention to an important issue that has plagued us and our south-pawed fellow-persons since the beginning of time. Being placed, unchoosing, into a right-handed world, we, the Lefthanders, have remained short-shrift of our basic human rights from the beginning. Even the term, 'human rights', implies a grievous imposition and prejudice against our kind that we must not allow to persist any longer. If all were created equal, then why do you, as right-handed persons, curtail the unalienable privileges of seven-hundred million around the globe? Why conform the earth and everything in it to your image and your image alone, to the exclusion of the rest of us, both explicit and implied? For most of the world, shopping for a baseball glove has never been a problem, but for us, shopping for a mitt to fit our proclivities is an overly arduous ordeal. We count those such as Joan of Arc, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, H.G. Wells, Michelangelo, Marshall McLuhan, Kurt Cobain, Paul McCartney, Mark Hamill and by extension Luke Skywalker, Jack-the-Ripper, Bart Simpson, and Kermit the Frog among our ranks. It's not easy being green? It's not easy being left-handed. With such important luminaries and dignitaries scribed upon the class list of our history, one would assume that someone would have honoured the contribution that these individuals have made to the very fabric of society. This, however, is not the case. Because of you, it is difficult for us to go around, performing simple tasks. Things such as power tools have been engineered as a direct threat against the safety and very lives of all left-handed peoples. One slip of the chainsaw and off goes an arm. Does this seem fair to you? The following is a thoroughly-researched and select list of items we wish to bring to light which cause great difficulty, unfairness, and general discomfort to us as a people, that you, the right-handed, have blatantly and intentionally engineered in your favour and to our detriment, both explicit and implied. The list is as follows: the aforementioned power tools, utensils, screw drivers, can openers, door handles, deodorant, movies, hairbrushes, Magic cards, books, apartment buildings, DVDs, the Internet, drinking cups, Kool-Aid, trees, PCs, CPUs, MIBs, BLTs, BBCs, IBMs, ICBMs, OGs, Eazy-Es, Ice Cubes, D.O.C.s, Snoop D-O-Double-Gs, and the group that said ********************** the police. We ask you, as fellow human beings, to consider us simply as such. We demand the same level of dignity and respect that you have had the great fortune of sharing with each other for a very long time. Now, it is our turn. We would like our children and our children's children to only know of the ambidextrous world that we were never afforded. A place where lines between directions cross. A place where the line, 'I drove by the fork in the road and went straight,' proves true for all of us. Aside from the redesign of power tools to be fair to all, we bring forth a few specific and humble requests. We propose the removal of the teaching of the handshake as proper greeting etiquette in all schools, replacing it with the double-hi-five. No child should grow up believing their handedness is a deficiency just because they are unable to use it in greeting a fellow person. We also propose that all containers remove the right-preferring screw-cap lid, replacing it with a pop cap. Sometimes life is just too hard and when you get home at the end of a long, tiring day, the last thing you want is to be unable to open your jars of peanut butter and jelly for a slather of comfort between an indiscriminate amount of bread (or whichever foodstuff delivery system you prefer) simply because your muscles were wired the other way. Our final proposition is to make paddle-shifting a standard feature on all automobiles. Not because it is difficult for us to shift with our right hand. On the contrary. That we can deal with. That part's easy. We request paddle-shifting as a standard feature because it just. Looks. Plain. Cool. We ask you, the right-handed people of the Internet and fellow human beings, to heed our cause in earnest. Join us, so we can together make the world an ambidextrous place. Where no one is disregarded, disdained, disallowed, or disrespected because of their handedness. Wake up. It's the first of the month.
Signed,
sapha12 representing The Left-Handers of the Internet for an Ambidextrous World (or, the TLHOTIFAAW)
Thank you.
Join the fight.
Subscribe: http://www.youtube.com/user/sapha12
Twitter: @sapha12
Manifesto (c) 2012 - Chris Lear
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A Day in the Life & Timesby sapha1278 views
YAY! Terminator 2 is awesome! Also, very good job in reading that manifesto, it was beautiful.
Lilbopeep2992 21 hours ago
@Lilbopeep2992 Why thank you. *bows whilst tipping hat*
sapha12 12 hours ago
I will share this on Facebook :)
Southpaw Nation!!!
Emeraldbarton 2 weeks ago
@Emeraldbarton By all means please feel free to do! :D. Thank you very kindly and I am very much glad you enjoyed it :).
sapha12 2 weeks ago
The group that said.....the police
SweetJer 3 weeks ago
@SweetJer You know it ;).
sapha12 3 weeks ago