10 easy tips to make your car go a lot faster

Another helpful video from Jason...


10 easy ways to make your car really fast.

Alright, I'm Jason, and I'm expert on making cars go well quick. Here is ten tips that won't cost you a fortune, alright.

1. Strip out the cabin.
That's right, by removing weight you can add speed, so get rid of the back seats, air-bags, ABS sensors and fit light-weight glass, but more important - don't have a fat girlfriend - what is the point in stripping off that you don't entirely need if you're going to fill it up with lard? I make my woman drink salt-water three times a day.

2. Re-map the ECU.
Getting a super-chip is great, but if can't afford it on you can get a resistor that cheats the engine management into spitting out more fuel. It ruins the engine, but who cares - just buy another one.

3. Performance air-filter.
These are great because they make more noise, and everybody knows that noise equalls speed.

4. Fit a bigger turbo.
This can be expensive, but it depends on who you know, like I've got this mate with Skyline GTR, except someone stole his twin-blowers. It was me.

5. Use super-unleaded.
You'll need super-unleaded, it cost more 'cos it's better, but it's still shit compared to the stuff they use in F1 cars, so my advise is to get some of that.

6. Fit a nitros-oxcide.
Pop down to Halford's and I can sell you an nitros kit that'll blow your mind, it'll also blow your engine and gearbox ... but as the saying goes, 'it's better to have gone fast and crashed, than never to have gone fast at all'

7. Fit a big exhaust.
Get a tailpaipe that you can stick your head inside, that'll make your car so quick that you'll be the envy of the neighbourhood as you cruise round the council estates at 3 in the morning. Also, if you fit a bit of mesh around the tail-pipe you can cook a chicken as you drive.


8. Fuel addative.
This doesn't really work, but what you can do is put a kilo of sugar into the fuel tank of every car in town, that'll give you a fighting chance at the lights, and everyone will think you are bonus.

9. Only drive down hills.

10. De-cat the exhaust. This might not be strickly legal, but it won't matter, because the rozzers won't be able to catch you.


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Category:

Autos & Vehicles

Tags:

• gardenspoon
• g4rdenspoon
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• daft
• silly
• stupid
• advise
• top
• 10
• tips
• racing
• fast
• cars
• speed
• help
• quick
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• tutorial

[Limou551]

Another clown, i hate clowns.

[g4rdenspoon]

@Limou551 If you're searching for stuff like this, the only thing you'll find ARE clowns.

[delboy1978uk]

you forgot the top tip! make sure your car is RED!

[g4rdenspoon]

@delboy1978uk Not with a silver Impreza, no no.

[delboy1978uk]

i bet you know guys that do this stuff... i know i do lol

[g4rdenspoon]

@delboy1978uk Of course I do...

[Alexander92207]

he forgot to mention, after adding the bigger turbo, nitrous, high octane fuel, and huge (annoying) exhaust, you will then drop maybe 5 grand into, that's right boyos, a NEW ENGINE. High boost = dead engine. Nitrous (at all) = dead engine. High boost + Nitrous = REALLY dead engine. This guy's played too much need for speed I see . . .

[Limou551]

@g4rdenspoon People that know how to do that, dont tell.

Itsnt easy, and you must understand a lot about mechanics, how can you build a house faster, if you never built anyone,lol

Sometimes i loose my time with this.

[Rone170]

wtf is nitros???

[nikhilanthony7907]

wtf gone mad !!!

[g4rdenspoon]

@gazmetal Cool. I wrote a rap for Jason going on about his Subaru, banging hotties and rolling a fat one, just got to get around to recording it and making a video.