Ambulance, IV's, Oncology Ward...
...and still, we found the magic...
At first I felt a bit embarrassed, or what would be the right word...Not sure but it was like I felt I needed to SLAM the door on my BeaUterinecAnswer blogging since it "seemed" I had really blown it. I mean, being drug out by the towels and bathroom rug I was laying on by the firemen, because the stretcher wouldn't fit in my bathroom here in New Mexico, (all very handsome I might add...hee...and let's just say...they should have bought me dinner and flowers before that "date" / view), then ending up in the ONCOLOGY ward of the hospital? Oh my God...talk about wanting to pull the curtains on it all and hide.
But, you know me... "Open book" stories are what have always helped me heal the most, so that plan was out the window very quickly.
I don't have alot in me to write the way I like to (pain, recovering from so much crap poured into my veins daily, being poked and prodded again and again and again and again...did I say "again"?) etc., and you know what a perfectionist (and big mouth) I am. So excuse typos and things like that. My "inner editor" is wiped from the ordeal of the past week, and I've sent her to the Bahamas to recover.
That Oncology floor by itself is literally enough to kill anyone. I was crying, yet again at one point saying, Where is the "joy"?, Where is the "meditation in room 101 at 3:00" or "positive visualization gathering in room 111 at 4:00"? They should have happy uplifting music piped in here and we could put it on if we want...or not. NOTHING like that existed. Instead things like "Well that's your disease progressing" when I asked, while being pumped with bag after bag of saline FOR DAYS why I now had "man hands" and "hobbit feet". (SOON as they took me off of that, I "pissed like a racehorse" as my dad used to say and I was instantly deflated. So we had to make our own magic in my room.
There were times I felt GREAT and danced around my room dragging my IV pole. I have about 5 tunes on my phone (THANK GOD) and I wore those things out. One was Smokey Robinson's "More Joy" that I "heard" one night in that psychic place, telling me THAT is what was needed in my life for my healing. I agreed instantly (this was many months ago) as I had lost so much the past few years. Yeah, had some Motown moments. Out of those five songs, three are my guys "HereIIHere". I have their version of "3 Little Birds" as my ringtone for the constant, "Every little thing's gonna be alright" reminder.
I don't know what day it was or how long I had been in "the joint," (typical right now...what day is it today?) but I do know I was down and crying...again. My son, Joey, who has AMAZED me with his love and caretaking skills blurts out, "Ok Mommy! I can't hold it in anymore! I contacted your guys. They're gonna call you". Tears "go back from whence they came", and I said, "WHAT?" "Yeah, I didn't have E-Mail or anything so I had to just say it all on their Facebook page. Brian wrote back right away. They're gonna call you." Okay, waterworks back on...Like I said...Amazing son...Just one example of the "Magic" in my room (there are so many I MUST share when my head is more clear...).
I had just said to my cousin who was over on one of the sleeper beds (it has no right to call itself a "bed"), "You know 'The Secret' and all that? Man, it is so hard to be that way here. The energy here is so dowwwn. I'm trying, but it's sooooo hard." She said, "I know. If you can just pick one thought and hang onto it. Do your best to focus on that." As soon as I said, "Yeah" my eyes were guided to look at a picture across the room on a very high shelf of my homegirl Mary (Our Lady of Quadalupe in this case) that my cousin's daughter gave me. There are no accidents...my homegirl, as always was with me and wanted to remind me.
Soon as I did that, my cell phone rang. My son and hub walked in the room from being out running errands, eating REAL food, not food cooked in the same pot with a few pairs of used boxer shorts for flavor thrown in, (I swear, like three minutes before). I got all excited because I didn't recognize the area code or number. Joey pulled out his camera...
Stay tuned...
www.BeaUterinecAnswer.com
www.HereIIHere.com
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Brookhaven Water Birthby johnsonje44254,268 views
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