IVOR BIGGUN & THE RED NOSED BURGLARS - The Wanker song

Robert "Doc" Cox (born 1 July 1946 in Sheffield, Yorkshire), also known as Ivor Biggun, is a British musician and former television journalist. He is best known for his appearances on the BBC TV programme That's Life! from 1982 to 1989. Currently resident in Suffolk, he is active in several pub bands, including the Trembling Wheelbarrows.

Lyrics:
My mother said that I never should
play with the naughty, rude girls in the wood.
Their giggling talk I could never understand,
and that's why I fell in love with my right hand.
And that's why...

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

I was twenty-five years old before I was kissed,
and then I found that I preferred a swift one off the wrist.
It's cheap and convenient, you can't catch VD.
It's available at any time and it's absolutely free.
And that's why...

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

Oh, Mrs Palm and your five lovely daughters,
thank you for having me and being oh, so kind.
I've got pains in my arms and my dong is growing shorter,
My knees have turned to water, and I think I'm going blind.

I've wanked over Italy, I've wanked over Spain.
I've wanked in an omnibus, I've even had a wank in a train.
I've used a badger and a melon and a cat,
an inflatable Linda Lovelace, and a Davy Crockett hat.
And that's why...

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

Oh, Mrs Palm and your five lovely daughters,
Thank you for having me and being oh, so kind.
I've got pains in my arms and my dong is getting shorter,
My knees have turned to water, and I think I'm going blind.

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

He's a wanker, he's a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
He's a wanker, He's a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

Category:

Music

Tags:

• Ivor
• biggun
• red
• nosed
• burglars
• wanker
• song
• Robert
• Doc
• Cox
• Trembling
• wheelbarrows

[12brain12]

I've used a badger and a melon and a cat... ha ha ha

[BobaFett379251]

this is disturbing yet absolutly hilarious

[dava123]

i see him in a pub in fulham back in the 80s funny as fuck.

[abbiexoxo10]

yes u are a stupid wanger trhink of children of children people

[abbiexoxo10]

u f****** stupid git why would u put that if ur gonna do that then go scew u stupid f***** git think of the f***** children u should be so a shamed of your self my little sister who is 4 has just show me this hope ur happy for letting our children seeing this what a git u are  and that is her first word she has just spoken thanks for destoring my child live u git

[TranceLucentEFC]

My dad has just told me about this song hahaha, funny as!!

[xxcharrisxx]

i like how its my mum that showed me this song <3

[sandi43able]

my dad had this on vinyl until I nicked it haha

[Schurtburg]

The wankers rock n roll also by Ivor is quality too. 1234 change hands! Lol

[computermaster]

Then let him stop pulling his pud- don't be a literal wanker!

[dorkdoll]

wot a planker -- pl + w

[harleygoode]

Quality