Tim Minchin - Fat Children (with Lyrics)

Do not feed doughnuts to your obese children
You will regret it when they're in their teens
Macca's might shut them up now that they're seven
But they wont forgive you
When they're getting picked last for PE
Dont you see?

Boombalada motherfucker
Have you noticed that your kids are fat?
What you gonna do about that?
What you gonna do?

So you're telling me that your family
Has a history of obesity
You got a polycystic ovary
You say "its just the way God made me"

Its unlikely, statistically
To be a physical thing
But either way it dont explain why you
Are in the queue at Burger King

You can blame it on biology
You can blame your physiology
You can point to genealogy
And your social anthropology

You can say you are an ectomorph
That you just cant get the kilos off
Well you can be what you wanna be
But stop feeding your boy KFC

He weighs 40 kilos and hes only three
He looks like a clean-shaven Pavarotti

Ordering Diet Coke is not the way back
Boombalada kiddie-stuffer
Your kids are fat, have you noticed that?
And you oughta be ashamed
For you only have yourself to blame.
Your 5 year old princess in her size 14 tutu
Only eats pizza like that because you do

She'll be dead of a heart attack
Before your grandchildren are ten
Perhaps you'll consider
A cut-back on extra fries then

Boombalada kiddie-stuffer
Your kids are fat, have you noticed that?
What are you gonna do about that?
What are you gonna do?

So youre telling me that your family
Has a history of obesity
You got a polycystic ovary
Your mum had childhood diabetes

But, and in your case
Theres a reasonably big butt
Do you think its an appropriate treat
The all-you-can-eat at Pizza Hut?

Theres no excuse you silly goose
For a child with a caboose
Like a moose whos eaten too much mousse
Its tantamount to child abuse

Kick them off the fucking couch
Unplug the Playstation
Send them down to the park
If they dont wanna go, make em

Tell them they have to jog
Until their jogging shorts fit em
If they hesitate, ask firmly
If they still resist, hit em

Is this what you want for your little girl and guy?
These chips off the pork chop, for the toffee apples of your eye?
Six Packs of Kit Kats are not the way back
Boombalada Kiddie Stuffer
Your kids are fat, have you noticed that?

And you, oughta be ashamed
For you only have yourself to blame
Your 6 year old miniature Jabba the Hut
Eating half melted Mars Bars from the folds of his gut
He'll be dead of an aneurysm
Before his own children ism ten
Perhaps you'll consider
A cut-back on Taco Bell then
Perhaps you'll consider
A cut-back on Krispy Kreme doughnuts
And Popcorn in bucket-sized boxes
And microwave pizzas or drive through McDonalds
For weeknightly dinners in front of the TV
And notes to the phys-ed instructor saying
Timmy has asthma but he really just gets short of breath
Cos hes 35 kilos above the ideal weight
Of 35 kilos for a nine year old boy

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• Tim
• Minchin
• Fat
• Children
• Song
• Stand
• Up
• Comedy

[knuckles91444]

I've listened to all of Tim's songs so many times i barely laugh anymore, but i keep coming back cause he's not just a comedian. Every song has such a beautiful tone and rhythm, it all flows together perfectly. Honestly Tim's as high on the list for me as Elton John

[reflexrg]

My god this is a fucking awesome song lol. I grew up fat, still a goddamn fatty but I'm 73lbs down, it took me this long to realize there's no excuses.

[MrMusicalAtheist]

@knuckles91444 He's only as high as Elton John for you?Tsk, tsk sir.

[hannrkelley]

@OneStarRatingLTD Then stop? It's basic science, either you stop, or your body will stop you. That's a 100% proven fact sir lol :P. May aswell make the decision soon, instead of trying to find someone that will love you "for who you are", we're genetically programmed to avoid those who look unhealthy in anyway, if you were slim as fuck but bright yellow people will steer away cause they don't want offspring with liver disease :P.

[hannrkelley]

@segjulie Well it is their fault really, the amount of people who work their ARSE off to get their figure back after a baby! My mum is 41 and it took her 6 weeks to get her figure back after my baby sister haha, which is QUICK!! Space the births out, don't have 3 kids in 5 years my god. You should space them out for disease-detecting reasons anyway (autism for example). It's easier to eat an apple than drive to maccas I think everyone would agree too haha.

[PwnazorusRexx]

@OneStarRatingLTD *Applauds* This is the main reason for me being fat too.

[segjulie]

Tim admitted that this song was pretty much bullying and he doesn't sing it anymore. :( he totally should!

Ok there may be cases when it's NOT the overweight person's fault. Healthy food has been proven to be much more expensive than junk. People with cœliac disease gain weight. Or hey, giving birth to 2-3 kids does the trick! Etc. But obesity? No! Obesity = gluttony + laziness.

[emfemlem]

69 dislikes ;D

[pandabearguyman]

The only thing that bothers me about this song, is when he says Ectomorph instead of Endomorph. Oh well.

[Lieetheawsomelion]

I want to stand in a fast food store and sing this.

[OneStarRatingLTD]

I blame my being fat on the fact that I'm a lazy fuck who eats too much.

[Suadefan]

love it!