tangled || what a day || vent [read d-box]

Honors: #147 - Most Viewed (Today) - Nonprofits & Activism - Czech Republic

Wow, my first vent video. Huh. It was hard to do this because I could barely see what I was doing through all my tears, but whatever, I did it!
Anyway. Hi, guys.
So, um, I've been putting off doing this for several weeks. I keep telling myself, "it's not their problem. It'll just sound like an excuse. I shouldn't whine about it. It's not really their business." But then it became more and more apparent to me that it is your business, because you're my friends, and because I do vids here and you all have a right to know why I've stopped -- why I haven't uploaded requests, why I haven't been replying to comments, why I haven't shown my face around here in a while. And you really don't have to feel sorry for me or anything, and please don't think that I'm trying to get attention. I just figured you all should know that I might not be on YT as actively as I used to be, and to make a long story short, my dad's got maybe a couple of weeks to live.
He's been diagnosed with terminal cancer. He's actually been fighting bouts of it off for the past three or four years, and up until now he's been able to stay optimistic and keep himself going. He hasn't been as healthy as he once was since the first time it showed up, in his colon, but he's probably the most positive person I've ever met, and he has never let it get him down. My parents divorced many, many years ago, and after events too complicated to relay here, he lived on the streets for a few months before finding a small apartment in a town half an hour away from ours. It's gotten harder and harder to be able to see him, especially since I've gone off to college, and last summer his doctor told him he couldn't drive anymore because he was on such heavy medication. It's difficult enough to spend time with him when I have an autistic brother living in a group home even farther away than Dad is, but I've always tried my best to make time for him. I've made a lot of mistakes when it comes to being kind to my dad, because divorce really tears families apart, but I do everything within my power to get rides, catch buses, anything to see him.
A few weeks ago, I met up with him to see a movie, which is something we've always done. There was a school event with kids from my old Creative Writing class that I had been invited to, and I had checked the length of the movie and gauged the time and distance from his town back to ours and it looked like I could make it in time. Then I noticed the movie was running a bit longer than I'd been expecting. So I double-checked, and it turned out I'd been looking at the length for the wrong movie, and that there were still twenty minutes left of the one we were seeing, and that I'd be late to the event. Dad and I fought, in a way we hadn't in years, and I left him alone and crying in the theatre as the credits rolled; no matter how much I told him I didn't care, that I'd stay, he pushed me off of him and told me to go. And I did. Two days later, I got a call from my uncle (his brother) that he was in the hospital, and that it was very likely he wouldn't make it through July. Probably not even until his birthday, which is the 8th.
Anyway. It's a long sob story that I'm sure most of you don't really care about, but those are the basics. People ask me how I'm doing and I tell them the truth, and that's that I don't know. I guess I figure that I need to set aside all concern for myself and try to be strong for him. This isn't the time for me to be crying and whimpering; it's the time for me to be there for him, to make up for all the times that I wasn't. It isn't about me. It's about him, and making him happy, and telling him good-bye the right way.
I don't know how this summer is going to end, and I don't know what it will be like to go back to school, what it'll be like to not have him here anymore. I try not to think about it, because once I do, I lose my composure, and that's what I need to hold onto right now. I need to be everyone's anchor, and it's a duty I'm fine with taking on.
The point is, I'm not going to be doing much art for a while. All my projects are on hold. I haven't touched my tablet in weeks, nor WMM in days. I can't even draw straight lines anymore; I can't think straight. I can't write. I can't do anything.
I just wanted you guys to know where I stood in terms of life and all that. I promise I'll be back eventually, but like I said, I don't know what it will be like after he's gone. I guess I'll find out when I get there.
Anyway. Thanks for listening. Love you all.
— G

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[DannyPhantomSG1]

And I hope you know we're all here for you to help and do as much as and whatever we can to help you get throug this. If I can do anything, just let me know. <3

You're really sweet and amazing, and you shouldn't have to go through this. No one should, really. But from what I know, you're very strong, and I think, if someone has to be the anchor, I can see why they'd choose you and why you'd do so well. Again, praying for you through this. *hugs*

[apennyfarthing]

@DannyPhantomSG1 <33333 *hugs* Leave it to you to give me the most amazing and sweet comment in the history of ever. I lost my grandpa, too, a few years ago, and he was probably one of the most influential people for me, too; we spent every holiday, nearly every weekend at his house from the time I was born. I'm really sorry you lost yours. ;; Thank you so much for caring. <3

[Starrlett20]

Beautiful video. Now onto the real comment...

Oh god. I can't even imagine what you're going through D: I'll be praying for him, don't you worry. And when you return to youtube, there will be many people here with open arms, ready to be here when you need us :) I really hope you at least make these last moments with your father the best moments you can make them. I'll keep you both in my prayers until you return (And I'm not even religious xD) <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[apennyfarthing]

@Starrlett20 I'm not religious either, but I've been praying anyway. <3 <3 <3

Thanks so much for all the love, Starr. (: I've been able to finish my MEP part so I'll be sending it Neo's way soon.

[momoluvr123]

I have been nowhere near the kind of situation as you, so that text really affected me. All I can say really is to stay strong for all of you and remember that there are people out there to talk to if need be. I've only subscribed to you and seen your vids, but we can still chat if you need some random person online just to talk to. I've argued hard with my parents before and they're not fun, so we know it's the little moments of happiness/togetherness that really count. Isendmybestregardstoyou.

[apennyfarthing]

@momoluvr123 Oh goodness, thank you so much. ;; It's really moving for me to see people I've barely ever talked to before giving me so much love & support. It's really amazing of you to care enough to leave such a kind comment, so thank you, so so much. <33

[charchar34]

hope hes ok :)

btw whats vent? xx

[Starrlett20]

@apennyfarthing :) Okay <3

[apennyfarthing]

@TheAprilLeigh Ffffff *big hugs* You are so, so amazing. I'm really glad I could have been there for you without even noticing it, haha. And it means so much to me that you care enough to be thinking of me. I'm so glad I met you. <3 It's been hard, especially because I can hardly talk to my family because they've got enough on their plates, so I'll probably be sending some angsting your way. It means so much that you made yourself available, though. <3 Love you more/most.

[apennyfarthing]

@BoomerAANGProduction Aw, thank you. <3 That means a lot. I'll keep it in mind. (:

[apennyfarthing]

@ArrancarOrihime Thank you so much. <33

[ArrancarOrihime]

oh dear, i am soo sorry you had to go through this.

I lost my grandma a while ago to cancer so i understand what you're going through.

if you need to rant or just talk, i am totally up for one, i am a good listener btw ;)

hope you feel better soon & gorgeous viddie btw *hugs*

[BoomerAANGProduction]

I'm so sorry, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always able to listen...