Going on testosterone and gaining control over my body

Going on testosterone means, for me, gaining control over my body. Everybody claims their own bodies in different way. Even if testosterone turns out to be not for you, you can get off of it.

i didn't pass at the accident

the motorist read me as male, perhaps because after she struck me, she tried to drive away, and then i just got up off of the ground and walked over to her. i didn't cry, but i got really upset that my bike might be ruined. there's subjective meaning i attach to my bike that she'll never know. similarly, to the cop who read me as female, there's meaning i attach to my body that HE will never know, and he won't know the effect of him grading my body on me.

3 days from seeing my doctor, whom i will ask for an x-ray. this also may be THE session during which he gets me to sign consent for going on testosterone. so this is a week during which i think about my body a lot. how it's going to change. how it already has changed through forces outside of my control, how i can try to be the one in control of it.

what does going on t mean?

going on t means i will masculinize. it does not make me a man. if a female-identified person goes on t, they won't a man. my identity makes me a man more than the t. plus, t is a process.

so, why go on t?

because i'm tired of having no control over my body, over how it's read. i'm tired of monitoring my appearance, dress, mannerisms, hair, voice pitch, things i say, stuff i do in public, for stuff that will contribute to my being read as female once and for all. i'm sick of casual gender experts. where does my expertise fit in? where does my experience of living as a boy through high school and parts of university fit it?

why does everybody know who i am?

going on t is my attempt to defy the gender binary. sometimes i hate gender. sometimes i wish there was no gender. on some days, it hurts me, it hurts people around me. on some days, it confuses me, and confuses people around me. very few people benefit ftom the gender binary. elitists, popular consumeristic icons, sexists, capitalism.

so, in face of so many detrimental effects, and victims, if you can call it, of gender, where does gender fit in?

gender fits in in the realm of the individual. it is deeply personal, and a matter of choice. gender should be allowed to be donned on, taken off, discarded, and re-embraced like clothing. gender should be allowed to change.

that's what t should be. t should be de-stigmatized, consensual, available, de-associated from maleness per se, and associated with bodily autonomy and gender choice.

what about women? Can women and trans women claim to have gender.

absolutely. in the face of so much gender discrimination, it is essential for those discriminated against to question gender inequity and demand overthrow of gender oppression. the gender binary is one way gender oppression is instituted.

Category:

News & Politics

Tags:

• testosterone
• hormone-free
• body politics
• women
• trans women

[lolcandra]

I support this 100%, and I hope the best for you tubefedjade, but how did I get here from searching "kid fall on ground crying over new bike".... LOL

[BaxterX7]

Good luck.

[phillip377]

my names phillip if your interested in a guy 804-402-3122

[HappyZooMonkeyPrince]

I'm glad i found this video.

You're brilliant and inspiring.

[tofugoast]

I like the term "casual gender experts", it fits. Also "why does everybody know who I am" is a good question, and something no one can honestly answer but yourself. It's odd that this never crosses other people's minds when they make judgments or assumptions about your identity.

Best of luck to you