Unplugged: Basically, Kant Was Right

I wrote this song as an entry for the Nottingham philosophy department's 2010 contest for the Matheson-Smart Cup for Total Bull. To compete for the cup, you pick as implausible a thesis as you can think of and mount such defence of it as you can muster. Most people do not sing. I came third, securing a respectable number of votes purely by threatening to sing again (louder) in the event of my not winning. This totally unplugged live performance is intended to enable viewers to experience something as close as possible to the actual event, with respect to sound quality among other things. I have blurred the image as I was the last entrant to perform and beer and wine had been available for three hours by that time.

In 2009 I secured the trophy with my non-musical defence of the equally plausible thesis 'All Conditionals Are True'.


Basically, Kant was right

Some people pronounce it 'Immanuel can't',
And some use a quite different vowel.
But I'm here to tell you the battle's been lost
And the haters can throw in the towel.

This stuff's so hard to read that it has to be true;
If it's making no sense then the problem is you.
Noumena, transcendental deduction of the categories,
The action of the synthesis of the manifold.

Say the arguments suck; say the views are clearly a pile of idealist shite.
But I've got a hundred old duffers to cite.
Therefore basically Kant was right.

There is no way into the jargon;
If you were smart enough you'd understand.
About 60% just means nothing at all
But to use it proves you're with the band.

He's much older and deader than we are
So who would we be to question his powers?
He's allowed to say things in themselves are unknown
And then bang on about them for hours.

Say the arguments suck; say the views are clearly a pile of idealist shite.
But I've got a hundred old duffers to cite.
Therefore basically Kant was right.

I believe all this stuff without argument for it,
And sometimes my friends ask me why.
Well, I've spent twelve years reading the fucking Critique
And if there's nothing here I will cry.

Say the arguments suck; say the views are clearly a pile of idealist shite.
But I've got a hundred old duffers to cite.
Therefore basically Kant was right.
Hmm yeah basically Kant was right.
That means my case is watertight.
Yeah that's how I sleep at night.
Because basically Kant was right.

Category:

Music

Tags:

• philosophy;
• geekery;
• Kant

[Facevampire]

absolute genius. By the way, I came here after reading your paper on the conceptual approach to a priori knowledge :)

[conceptualtruth]

@Facevampire Thank you kindly! Hope you enjoyed the paper too. :)

[Facevampire]

@conceptualtruth I did. Would you have the time to respond to a couple of questions and comments if I sent you a mail?

[conceptualtruth]

@Facevampire Sure, feel free. I can't guarantee to respond quickly, but I'll do my best. carrie@carriejenkins.co.uk.

[SherryVapors]

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Nicely done. And I love the set and the color. Very appropriate. Found this vid when I decided to take a break from reading Der Kritik.

Please do more.

[conceptualtruth]

@SherryVapors Thanks very much!

[AdversusHaereses]

Nooooo! Kant was wrong :( Aristotelian Scholasticism FTW! :D

[conceptualtruth]

Thanks very much!

[conceptualtruth]

@lowfatbeans Aw, thanks! Who is your logic prof?

[lowfatbeans]

My logic prof showed me this today. Great job. :)