Mister Bat Is A Bit Rude

It's a relief isn't it? I find these days it works best if I hit 'pause' right at the beginning and then do some emails instead. Or are you still talking about the pig?

When you're in a top beat group like The CTs money's no object matey (although I don't think the scriptwriting team have yet been paid for this particular blockbuster). You should join a band that does some proper gigs. I've played in Urmston, me!

i used to dream about playing in Urmston: ah well, another of lifes ambitions that'll probably never be fulfilled "sigh"
If only we could find a scriptwriter! But a TEAM of scriptwriters! Oh how the other half live!

Yes, I thought I saw you biting your lip and holding back a tear as you watched us last Friday. No, Mr Jumpy, I'm sorry, but you'll never be a big city band like us and will have to content yourself with those gigs you do out in the sticks; Glastonbury, Cropredy - generally places that end with a "y". I could put a word in for you round Burnley or Bury, but probably best if you just forget about Urmston (and certainly Ashton!). No point in torturing yourself - it never stops... Mister Bat x

big names? over the top locations? see the video response above and weep young man

I sit duly humbled. Erfurt mein arsch! I reckon that's Fazakerley, or maybe Kirkby, or even Huyton-with-Roby? I do like the Spielbergesque appearance of the hat halfway through! Could Roddie slip us the tab so we can cover it? I once got called a 'pimmel fresser' over in The Fatherland but always thought of myself as more of a 'funz knutscher'. Liked 'The Bus To Bottenschein' (which by my Muffin gig rules should be Bottenscheiny, which you have to agree is more in keeping with the lyric) too.

Ah yes, he's off with the remains of Lindisfarne (the band, not the island. Obviously. The island wouldn't go in even a very big van would it?) for a while. Twenty duly refunded some while back but couldn't be arsed redoing the titles. And anyway you van-driving-faced ba*tard, how can he undertake you unless you're in the wrong lane?