Advice: He Doesn't Satisfy Me In Bed

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Featuring America's Love Experts Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal. http://www.askmattandtamsen.com

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http://www.yourtango.com | Smart Talk About Love

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[EvilPaola]

Matt had really great advice, saying to blame it on herself a little. There's no point making the man feel like he doesn't perform well since it will probably only make things worse.

[TheHauptsturmfuhrer]

This is why Europeans teach SEX in school,

so when,it's time,neither looks like a fool

One of the two need to have some knowledge,

and sex isn't a subject that taught in any college

Most people learn about sex by amateur practice,

which is like;learning about pain by eating a cactus

Real sex can be taught without damaging the young,

by those who have knowledge that extends beyond fun

Americans are taught health,which doesn't do,

to show you the methods that are tried and true

[Uaxis]

Y'know it takes something like 15 minutes of straight poundin' for a woman to cum. Personally, I think that's kinda crazy. No wonder the female orgasm is 'impossible'.

[Uaxis]

@thewrongdirection Yeah, but if he's your boyfriend, then you gotta blame yourself or lose him. Being a feminist is great and all - but it makes you all the more alone. >:)

[Uaxis]

@TheHauptsturmfuhrer The reason they don't teach in america is because it's a leisure activity. It's not something that belongs in the workplace. >_>

[AlphaTeamLeader1]

I think Matt and Tamsen are saying lovemaking is an act of intimacy, as such couple should be able to talk with each other about intimate issues.

In the battle between the sexes, guys are always bemoaning they just do not understand gals and gals are always squawking they do not know how to talk with guys.

Well, somewhere along the line, couples, if they want to remain intimate, must learn how to communicate with each other.

[thewrongdirection]

If you tell a man you've got a general problem in your sex life it means that you have the problem and that's blaming yourself for something it's not your fault.

[EvilPaola]

I completely agree, but what I interpreted from Matt's answer was not to blame yourself; saying it's your own fault. Instead the woman should say how she has a general problem in their sex life, this way not to put any blame on the man. Most likely blaming the man (whether his own fault or not) in this situation won't help in the long-run. This is one are area where it's good to have the man feel confident.

[thewrongdirection]

I agree with you but using the "I" language isn't the same as blaming yourself. We've been the ones to blame trough all human history and we are the week ones in most of religions. If it's his fault it is and that's all. I'm not going to blame myself for something it's not my fault just to make a man feel better with himself.

[EvilPaola]

I've thought of that too. But for those who feel there is "more" than just sexual gratification in their relationship might want to work on the problem instead of finding someone new.

[EvilPaola]

I don't think every man (especially real gentlemen) would learn to blame the woman, and even those who would might not get a chance if they already solve their sexual struggles with this course of action. I agree that the woman shouldn't pile the blame on herself, but I think that if she uses the "I" language such as "I'm not really comfortable with..." instead of "You should work on..." then it's fine. You'd be surprised on how different the reaction will be based on how you word it.