Mormon Rap!

Here's a rap I wrote about mormons and their crazy beliefs!

Lyrics:
My brothers and me
tryin' hard to be good.
So ya might see our bikes
in your neighborhood.
Our plaques say elder
even though we're quite young.
The job sounds important
'though we're on the bottom rung.

Our wives (few or many)
they had better be perfect
'cuz I'm the one who decides
whether it's really worth it.
To take her on up
to Heaven with me,
where she'll be pumpin' out babies
for all eternity!

I'm sayin' L to the D to the LDS!
We're a quickly growin' cult,
that's what I'm sayin' tonight.
L to the D to the LDS!
We're gonna go KABOOM
like Napoleon Dynamite!

I claim to read the Bible
but I don't know what's inside.
J-Smith wrote some sequels
by which I abide.
He said we should marry as many
wives we get our hands on.
Since then, we've toned it down
due to society's demands on
us...

Our prophets taught that blacks
are the color of Cain
(you know, the guy who killed his bro)
'till civil rights said, "You're insane!"
That believe got the axe,
but we've got some crazy others;
just mention "Book of Abraham"
to any of our brothers!

I'm sayin' L to the D to the LDS!
We're a really creepy group
so go cryin' to your mommy!
L to the D to the LDS!
And if he runs again,
we're voting for Mitt Romney!

We call ourselves Mormon
cuz it works out more for men.
Us guys can be gods
of a planet we'll be formin'!
But we only get to Heaven
if, when we die,
we wear our secret magic underwear
--I tell you no lie!

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[mormongirl0618]

The facts you have about us Mormons are wrong.

1) We DON'T believe in polygamy

2) We do know what's inside the bible, and we study it.

3) We aren't a cult

4)Secret underwear? What the heck are you talkin about?

5)We aren't a really creepy group

6)It's not only the guys decision if you 'take her up to heaven' with you, girls have a say too.

7)Our prophets didn't teach that blacks are the color of cain

8) We don't have crazy beliefs. Our beliefs are true.

[madcowan]

@mormongirl0618

1) You don't anymore, but as my previous quote of Brigham Young (as only ONE example) shows, you USED to teach it.

2) okay...

3) okay...

4) If you are a mormon, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

5) no, you're right. you're not all creepy

6) okay...

7) how do you know?

[ddakotaarraee]

you're lame. next time you make an amzing rap try to have it ALL truthful :)

[madcowan]

@ddakotaarraee which parts aren't true?

[fact707]

This is all a lie!! MORMONS ROCK!!!

[mormongirl0618]

@madcowan

1)We did teach it once, but you gotta understand why. We were all moving west and there were a lot of widows and children who had no one to go with because their husbands had been killed because of persecution, so the guys had multiple wives.

4)I am a Mormon and I don't know what you're talkin about, unless your talking about our garments, which aren't magic.

7) I know because of the revelation and prophets that we have.

[breakroomproductions]

@AprilSkye143 And yet you took the time to say that it was a waste of time, so your time must not be too valuable. ;-)

[breakroomproductions]

@wetspointrus Here are some quotes from Brigham Young, who took over the role of President after J-Smiff died:

“The ONLY MEN WHO BECOME GODS, even the Sons of God, are those WHO ENTER INTO POLYGAMY.”(Journal of Discourses, Vol. 11, page 269)

"If any of you will deny the plurality of wives and continue to do so, I promise that you will be damned."

(Deseret News November 14, 1855)

[breakroomproductions]

@ddakotaarraee You'll have to be more specific.

[wetspointrus]

@madcowan Mormons dont have multiple wives, those are polygamists which is a small cult sect... but good video all the same

[VajinalBloodFart]

@madcowan Damm right. Now they will listen when I want a sandwich.......XD.

[ddakotaarraee]

@ddakotaarraee that would be pretty much all of it.

[madcowan]

@MattsMistake No woman will get into the celestial kingdom, except her husband receives her, if she is worthy to have a husband; and if not, somebody will receive her as a servant. (Journal of Discourses, vol. 5, p. 291)

I guess they can get in after all... as a servant! That's a great heaven to look forward to..