I am the very model of a Modern Homosexual

I added the lyrics...
Great number from the wonderful parody musical "Dirty Little Showtunes" The lyricist is brilliant.

THE MODERN HOMOSEXUAL to the tune of "I Am The Very Model of A Modern Major General" from The Pirates of Penzance music by Sir Arthur Sullivan * original lyrics by Sir William S. Gilbert parody lyrics by Tom Orr from Dirty Little Showtunes! NOTE: Lyrics below vary slightly from text in video, as song has now been rewritten & improved.
I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN HOMOSEXUAL: I'M STYLISH, GOOD AT COOKING, A GOOD-LOOKING INTELLECTUAL! AT PASSING LEGISLATION, THOUGH, I'M LARGELY INEFFECTUAL ... I'M SOMETIMES INTO S&M, AS LONG AS IT'S CONSENSUAL! I'M CLEVER WITH THE CRUDITÉS, ESPECIALLY ASPARAGUS ... AND I IGNORE REPUBLICANS WHENEVER THEY DISPARAGE US! I THINK ABOUT ADOPTION WHEN I SHOP FOR BABY CARRIAGES ... WHILE PLANNING OUT MY BOSTON TRIP AND DREAMING OF GAY MARRIAGES! Chorus: WHILE PLANNING OUT HIS BOSTON TRIP AND DREAMING OF GAY MARRIAGES! WHILE PLANNING OUT HIS BOSTON TRIP AND DREAMING OF GAY MARRIAGES! WHILE PLANNING OUT HIS BOSTON TRIP AND DREAMING OF GAY MARY MARRIAGES! I DECORATE WITH TASTEFUL SPRAYS OF FLOWERS AND DRIED EARS OF CORN AND I WOULD NOT BE CAUGHT DEAD IN AN OUTFIT I'VE ALREADY WORN ... FOR ESOTERIC SEX ACTS THAT ARE HIGHLY UNCONVENTIONAL, I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN HOMOSEXUAL! 2nd Verse; I LOVE TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE AT A PARTY, SO I DASH IN LATE ... I'M JUST AN INTERNATIONAL MALE CALVIN KLEIN SALE FASHION PLATE! I'VE DONE SO MANY DRUGS THAT MY COMPLEXION'S IN AN ASHEN STATE ... BUT UNDERNEATH IT ALL, I REALLY TRY TO BE "COMPASSION-ATE"! I LOVE MY GIN & TONICS, HIGH COLONICS AND OLD PIAF SONGS ... I LOVE "THE WOMEN," "ALL ABOUT EVE" AND "THE WORLD OF SUZIE WONG"! MY LAST TRIP TO NEW YORK, I SHOPPED UNTIL I DROPPED AT BLOOMINGDALES ... FROM MENSWEAR DOWN TO FRAGRANCES, THEY NEVER HAD SUCH BOOMING SALES! Chorus: FROM MENSWEAR DOWN TO FRAGRANCES, THEY NEVER HAD SUCH BOOMING SALES! FROM MENSWEAR DOWN TO FRAGRANCES, THEY NEVER HAD SUCH BOOMING SALES! FROM MENSWEAR DOWN TO FRAGRANCES, THEY NEVER HAD SUCH BOOMING BOOMING SALES! WHEN I AM IN A GAY BAR, I KNOW I'M THE BIGGEST BITCH IN THERE ... AND I THROW DINNER PARTIES JUST TO SHOW OFF MY NEW KITCHENWARE! BUT STILL IN FASHION, FILM, FINE ART AND ANYTHING COLLECTIBLE, I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN HOMOSEXUAL! 3rd Verse: WHEN I CAN DIFFERENTIATE 'TWIXT "FABULOUS" AND "EXQUISITE" ... WHEN I SEE SOME ANDROGYNOUS CLUB KID AND KNOW WHICH SEX IS IT ... WHEN I KNOW EVERY DETAIL OF MISS MARTHA STEWART'S LIVING ROOM ... WHEN I KNOW HOW MUCH -- RETAIL -- EVERY WHAT EACH WHO IS GIVING WHOM! WHEN I HAVE LEARNED WHAT PROGRESS HAS BEEN MADE IN MODERN SODOMY ... WHEN I KNOW MORE OF BRAINLESS BOYS THAN DOCTORS OF LOBOTOMY ... IN SHORT, WITH JUST A SMATTERING OF GOOD COSMETIC SURGERY, I'LL SIDESTEP HOW UNFLATTERING I'D LOOK FROM "BINGE AND PERJURY"! Chorus: HE'LL SIDESTEP HOW UNFLATTERING HE'D LOOK FROM "BINGE AND PERJURY"! HE'LL SIDESTEP HOW UNFLATTERING HE'D LOOK FROM "BINGE AND PERJURY"! HE'LL SIDESTEP HOW UNFLATTERING HE'D LOOK FROM "BINGE AND PURGER PERJURY"! MY FANCY FOR THE NANCY DREW AND HARDY BOYS KIDS' MYSTERY BOOKS AND HOW I THROW A PARTY SURELY PUTS ME IN THE HISTORY BOOKS! BUT STILL AS A GOOD-LOOKING, GOOD-AT-COOKING INTELLECTUAL, I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN HOMOSEXUAL! Chorus: BUT STILL AS A GOOD-LOOKING, GOOD-AT-COOKING INTELLECTUAL, HE IS THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN HOMOSEXUAL!

©1996. "Dirty Little Showtunes!" Tom Orr. All rights reserved.

Category:

Music

Tags:

• gay
• musicals
• gilbert
• and
• sullivan
• David
• Bicha
• Tom
• Orr
• Dirty
• Little
• Showtunes
• DLST

[BriAnT121]

is there somewhere i could find this song without the laughing in the background??

[ferrierepc]

What a glorious piece! What a glorious people! Gee, when I think about it, we have come a long way and done amazing things given the; threats, hate, beatings, killings, damnings to hell, mocking, etc. Imagine what we will do when we get a real opportunity! Such a great video, with creative lyrics and group of guys out to have fun, and they succeed.

[Benes911]

Does anyone know where I could get full lyrics? Everywhere I've looked they only seem to have them up to the start of the second verse :S

[AthosAmo]

So when will you people promote "I am the very model of a modern zoosexual."?

Animals speak body language, and some can give consent for sex, so why deny them the right to marriage? I know. TRADITION. You put tradition above love. Isn't that what you people say about Christians? lol

[algernon9037]

@inflate98 I speak as a heterosexual Gilbert & Sullivan fan - if you think the writing is without humour then you're either blind or German.

[xSumonax]

I thought this was hilarious, but the suggestions at the end killed it. ';f

[brentslivenewyears]

@DirtyLittleShowtunes

Thank you

I coded a version with hard subtitles for my friends and I to enjoy. I actually thought it was "I take great aversion at each new version of a star is born"

I wasn't planning to upload it unless you want to see it.

I don't want to intrude on your view count, y'kno...

Thanks again!

[DirtyLittleShowtunes]

"And I claim full immersion in each version of A Star Is Born." Later changed to "And I would not be caught dead in an outfit I've already worn."

[therealcritic28]

@inflate98

Merely critiquing? Nevermind, I apologize, I thought moronic homophobia that is so often seen rampant on youtube was involved.

[inflate98]

@therealcritic28 Whatever you may think of me personally changes not one whit the ineluctible fact that this performance is godawful and the writing is without humor. It is, in short, a P.O.C.

[therealcritic28]

@inflate98

Anything but. :)