Dear Religionist

A letter to the loyal church members that leave their propaganda at my door, and all my neighbor's doors. I understand churches need to advertise like any other BUSINESS, but how do you suppose they would like it if we started returning the favor? I'm guessing they'd be just as annoyed.


Dear Religionist,
I'd like to thank you for leaving your pamphlets on my doorstep. I'm usually against littering, but I appreciate the information you left for me. It's news to me that you think I'll be tortured for eternity if I don't believe what you believe, I'm surprised no other Christians have told me that yet. I thought I would return the favor and write you this letter about atheism. Did you know that millions of Americans aren't religious and it is not leading them to become sociopaths? How is it possible that so many people are able to be moral, productive, law-abiding citizens without religion? Here's our secret.. no, not that one. Yes, our secret is a revolutionary new approach to deciding our behavior by using our brains responsibly. And I'd say it's working since religious people are the ones that are committing mass murder and blowing everything up for what they believe in, but atheist extremists, if there is such a thing, are just suing government for unconstitutional displays of favoritism toward christianity, and making mildly entertaining, but clever youtube videos. We atheists find it odd that out of the thousands of gods that have been claimed and believed in faithfully, the one trait they all have in common is invisibility. The norse were just as faithful in odin as you are in jesus. And odin was just as invisible as jesus. If you'd like more information about atheism, just think freely and critically.
Signed,
Your friendly neighborhood atheist

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• dear
• religionist

[alliaskis]

Could you post the text of your letter to religionists?

[proudtobeatheist1]

@alliaskis Good thinking. I posted the full script in the description box. Thanks!

[Predator9710]

Its the Serenade of Water HA!

[proudtobeatheist1]

@Predator9710 Good ear!

[yesimsandw1ch]

Serenade of water, LOL. Perfect.

[alliaskis]

@proudtobeatheist1 Thanks for posting the script. I've copied and will use it the next time a religious tract is left on my own doorstep.

[Braxtonmccoy]

@Predator9710 Fuckin' genius! haha

[rebelde69ateo]

i got me a stamp saying "reject organized superstition. become an atheist". since i take public transit, i've got lots of opportunities to use it on religious pamphlets left on the buses and the trolley.

[V0r4xiz]

Spot on, Tim !

[ambygirl1008]

I got a pamphlet from the Jehovah's Witness telling me that the world is ending, but if I attend their free conference, I can learn how to qualify to avoid God's judgment and punishment and go to heaven instead. What a disgusting piece of garbage. Then I got a Book of Mormon two weeks ado - I'll use that as fire kindling!