Deconversion part 4: I Am the Only One to Blame for This
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There is no door in the faith marked exit. Those who leave the faith must throw a chair through the window.
But it's worth it to get your mind back.
9 months ago 27
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I have been an Atheist all my life and it was quite a shock for me when I found out that religious people actually do believe what they say. I thought, with gods it's the same as with Santa Clause; everybody knows it's just a story, but we all play along because it's fun.
That's why I always reacted with terrible anger when people said "You can't do that because God said no.". I was thinking: "You know that's not true and just abuse the game to get your way!"
9 months ago 10
All Comments (136)
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@Prplfox ibid.
...But/& those are fine feelings you/we/they had/have.
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@EdwardHowton Good comments. There are lot's of things that folks feel they regret but they don't know it until they can reflect, which implies an experience. Fundamentalism uses/abuses peoples efforts to be good....which can be done w/o fundamentalism. How to create community with intimacy? <--in a sense, that's the fundamentalist allure. Somehow, I suspect Capitalistic themes in the need for an enemy to polarize & control others/society.
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you give me chills sir
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FINALLY and THANKFULLY I have figured out
Why I have subconsciously resented and raged at myself and everyone else for all these years:
Because we are all so damn weak that we couldn’t be as Good and Strong as Jesus,
• thereby making Life Hell-on-Earth for each other (rather than the Heaven that it could be),
• also forcing God to stay invisible and unreachable (He can’t stand us either)
• and taking so long to return for us (since we failed to convert all the world).
So sad.
Waste.
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Those worship services remind me of when I use to be a Christian.
I would stand there praying and worshiping God and remembering all the sin that I had done and feeling so guilty of it. But I knew that God was going to forgive me and make me anew, everything was going to be fine because I gave myself to him, he had my life and I trusted him to make it good.
That was until the next day, reality sat in, the rush was gone. This cycle would happen over and over.
truckcompany 5 months ago
@truckcompany true that
Prplfox 4 months ago
@Prplfox You say you are the only one to blame? I heartily disagree...you are surrounded & helped to immerse yourself. Fundies would be thrilled to hear you blaming only yourself. I think that's very much only part of the story. Some of the story? Yes. All of it. Absolutely not. Fundies should (& won't) take responsibility for their part. Remember, they're right & everybody else is wrong - period! (oh yeah, it's not really them, it's the almighty speakin' thru them.<<<BULL SHIT!)
wellthenif 4 months ago
@wellthenif "I am the only one to blame for this" is the first line of Worlds Apart by Jars of Clay. It's what I felt at the time when my faith was falling apart, and it is intrinsic to the Jesus message. A lot of deconverting Christians experience this.
Prplfox 4 months ago
Thank you.
Videos like these anger me. The things that people do to children for religion, the pain and hurt...
It's like taking a gambler and telling him to pour more and more money into the machine, little wins here and there to keep him hooked, but then berating him when he doesn't hit the jackpot. It's your fault, you're broken, you're sick, you're doing it all wrong, what's wrong with you, keep putting money in the machine.
It's not okay at all. It has to stop. Somehow.
EdwardHowton 5 months ago 3
@EdwardHowton I am right there with you in everything you said
Prplfox 4 months ago