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Deconversion part 4: I Am the Only One to Blame for This

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Uploaded by on Apr 28, 2011

My hope in making this is that I can be, for one person, the person I never had in my life through the years of losing everything I believed in. It is ok to not be a Christian. This is a tragic love story of unusual nature, but it happens - and not enough people are talking about it. Not enough people can.

Music by Prplfox.
https://sites.google.com/site/eliprplfox/music

Imagery from the artists of deviantart.com and from personal photographs. Pencil & watercolor drawings of "split" "bound by straps" and Liam by Prplfox.

Videos (Fair Use 17 U.S.C. § 107):
Pawan Sinha on how brains learn to see
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeFl0RE31x0
Revival Fire Falls at His Way Church
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6LCBC2oNZ0
Jars of Clay - Worlds Apart
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq_El_J7jMM

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Uploader Comments (Prplfox)

  • Those worship services remind me of when I use to be a Christian.

    I would stand there praying and worshiping God and remembering all the sin that I had done and feeling so guilty of it. But I knew that God was going to forgive me and make me anew, everything was going to be fine because I gave myself to him, he had my life and I trusted him to make it good.

    That was until the next day, reality sat in, the rush was gone. This cycle would happen over and over.

  • @truckcompany true that

  • @Prplfox You say you are the only one to blame? I heartily disagree...you are surrounded & helped to immerse yourself. Fundies would be thrilled to hear you blaming only yourself. I think that's very much only part of the story. Some of the story? Yes. All of it. Absolutely not. Fundies should (& won't) take responsibility for their part. Remember, they're right & everybody else is wrong - period! (oh yeah, it's not really them, it's the almighty speakin' thru them.<<<BULL SHIT!)

  • @wellthenif "I am the only one to blame for this" is the first line of Worlds Apart by Jars of Clay. It's what I felt at the time when my faith was falling apart, and it is intrinsic to the Jesus message. A lot of deconverting Christians experience this.

  • Thank you.

    Videos like these anger me. The things that people do to children for religion, the pain and hurt...

    It's like taking a gambler and telling him to pour more and more money into the machine, little wins here and there to keep him hooked, but then berating him when he doesn't hit the jackpot. It's your fault, you're broken, you're sick, you're doing it all wrong, what's wrong with you, keep putting money in the machine.

    It's not okay at all. It has to stop. Somehow.

  • @EdwardHowton I am right there with you in everything you said

Top Comments

  • There is no door in the faith marked exit. Those who leave the faith must throw a chair through the window.

    But it's worth it to get your mind back.

  • I have been an Atheist all my life and it was quite a shock for me when I found out that religious people actually do believe what they say. I thought, with gods it's the same as with Santa Clause; everybody knows it's just a story, but we all play along because it's fun.

    That's why I always reacted with terrible anger when people said "You can't do that because God said no.". I was thinking: "You know that's not true and just abuse the game to get your way!"

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  • @Prplfox  ibid.

    ...But/& those are fine feelings you/we/they had/have.

  • @EdwardHowton Good comments. There are lot's of things that folks feel they regret but they don't know it until they can reflect, which implies an experience. Fundamentalism uses/abuses peoples efforts to be good....which can be done w/o fundamentalism. How to create community with intimacy? <--in a sense, that's the fundamentalist allure. Somehow, I suspect Capitalistic themes in the need for an enemy to polarize & control others/society.

  • you give me chills sir

  • FINALLY and THANKFULLY I have figured out

    Why I have subconsciously resented and raged at myself and everyone else for all these years:

    Because we are all so damn weak that we couldn’t be as Good and Strong as Jesus,

    • thereby making Life Hell-on-Earth for each other (rather than the Heaven that it could be),

    • also forcing God to stay invisible and unreachable (He can’t stand us either)

    • and taking so long to return for us (since we failed to convert all the world).

    So sad.

    Waste.

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