Birthmothers: A Relinquished Dream

http://musingsofthelame.blogspot.com/
The emonional expreince of relinquishing an infant to domestic adoption at birth from the mother's point of view. This could be any woman's story. It happens all too often.

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• squallop
• adoption
• birthmothers
• loss
• and
• grief

[thatmandygrl]

Agencies are really good these days about offering pregnant women ways to keep their child. They even try to talk the birthmothers out of adoption to make sure it is really what they want to do. I think it is always easier to blame someone else for your regrets in life. Not all birthmothers regret their decision. Many live knowing they did the right thing. And birthmothers make contact with agencies. Agencies do not come and find birth mothers. Birthmoms get tons of chances to change their mind.

[FauxClaud]

@thatmandygrl Sorry..you're wrong. I thought the same way too when I was newly a birthmother..now, 24 years later and over 10 years of serious research not just based on my own experince and what I was taught, I know better. Agencies have recruiters that go and FIND pregnanat women at clincs. The NCFA has TRAININGS to help teach soil workers and such how to make adoption appealing to women. States have laws where the MINUTE a woman signs her name, the reliquishment is FINAL.

[FauxClaud]

@thatmandygrl I'm not trying to agrue with you.. you probably need to beleive what you do right now, but when you are ready google Musings of the Lame and read..

[FauxClaud]

@thatmandygrl I'm not trying to agrue with you.. you probably need to beleive what you do right now, but when you are ready google Musings of the Lame and read..

[krissykirchmann]

@FauxClaud: Of course I don’t think ALL birth mothers have the same experience-that would be ignorant. However, i do think birth mothers have a choice when it comes to placing a child for adoption-unless, of course, the child was taken away from them because they were not capable of properly taking care of a child. Giving birth to a child doesn’t make you a mom-it takes a heck of a lot more work than that, and not every woman is cut out to do it. I am an advocate for adoption when it is needed.

[FauxClaud]

@krissykirchmann I think your key word is "Luckily"... Your lucky your birth contol work.. I am unlucky and mine failed. Doesn't make either one of us better than the other. One little sperm is all it takes.. now will Youtue let me post a link regarding choice:? Nope: Google this.. there is no chice when there are no options and the people you trust have other motives. musingsofthelame coercion-form-of-power-based-o­n-forced.html

[starrlara]

If adoptive parents want to truly be heroes, let them adopt foster children, actually older children that are older than 3 years old. If they truly care about what they perceive as unwanted children, then adopt a foster child. The fact is that adoptive parents want these newborns, as though the birth mother was nothing more than a baby making machine.

[AbrazoAdoption]

Not twisted; it's a well-documented psychological phenomena. Abused children suffer "traumatic bonding" that induces them to cling to their abusers. Even if removed from an abusive environment, it can negatively impact their ability to subsequently bond with caretakers who don't mistreat them. This isn't to say they want to be abused, but that they continue to crave the perpetrator's love and affection that much, no matter how badly he/she has treated them.

[jstephens020908]

I must say for someone like me Birthmothers are a blessing from God. I wouldn't wish any mother to be parted from her child but if a mother chooses adoption it is women like me who pray so hard for a family that it finally brings us alive as a mother. Bless all the birthmothers out there, I do not have a child of my own and I have waited five years to adopt I know my day will come someday.

[barabinom]

@FauxClaud This is a TOP response!!!

[barabinom]

@thatmandygrl Same game different methods.

[krissykirchmann]

@barabinom What are you talking about? Abuse is abuse. There is no hierarchy for abuse. Instead of trying to halt adoption-which, by the way, is not going to happen-why don't you go and volunteer your time to work with children who are abused. It will put everything into perspective.

[krissykirchmann]

@barabinom Lastly, I hope you are doing your part to help children from distressed homes. My daughter and I have a foundation called Girls Rock. We provide money to girls from poor families so that they can get an education and break from from the cycle of poverty and abuse. Please feel free to donate!

[krissykirchmann]

@barabinom I do help older children whose parents are in prison. I volunteer 8 hours a week to help them with their school work and try and help them build some self-esteem. Maybe if these children were placed for adoption as infants, they would be in a happier place now. These children have been neglected, abused-verbally, physically and sexually-and made to feel as if they don’t matter by their ‘natural parents’. Lastly, am I self righteous? I don’t think so.

[krissykirchmann]

@barabinom : The only reason the police would show up at my door is to give me an award for being such a great mom.

[krissykirchmann]

@barabinom: I am grateful every day to just be alive and breathing. I also teach my 5 year old to be grateful for everything she has and for everything God has given us. We say a nightly prayer where we both choose 3 things from our day to be grateful for. Maybe you should try it. It sure makes you realize how good life is and what is really important in life.

[barabinom]

@ashleylesley6 Psychologically abandonment is worse than abuse- physical or mental.

[barabinom]

@robinbird21us Robin you speak the simple truth. God bless, I am sure your children miss you everyday.