How To Give a Speech Without Saying Anything

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Politicians have it down to a science—giving a rousing speech without actually saying anything. Learn how to double-talk, whether you're running for office or just need to say a whole lot of nothing.

To complete this How-To you will need:

Sound bites
Euphemisms
A professional speechwriter
Delaying tactics

Step 1: Keep it vague

Pepper your speech with universally appealing sound bites like, "More money!" "Less waste!" "A clean environment!" "Healthy children!" but don't paint yourself into a corner by providing details on how you're going to accomplish this wonderful stuff.

Step 2: Hedge your bets

Hedge your bets. If you say, "We need to be aggressive," temper it later with "We need to proceed cautiously." Thus if someone criticizes you for being too aggressive, you can say you underscored the need for caution.

Tip: Nod, smile, and point at imaginary friends in the audience, so people will think the room is filled with supporters.

Step 3: Hire a speechwriter

Hire a professional speechwriter to come up with a catchy phrase on the order of "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." Then the rest of your blather won't matter.

Step 4: Use euphemisms

Be liberal with your use of euphemisms. Your district isn't in crisis; it's facing a challenge. You've never been criticized; you've just gotten lots of feedback. And you've never been involved in a scandal, you just exercised poor judgment.

Tip: Remember, you're not "anti" anything—such an ugly word. You are simply "pro" something else.

Step 5: Run down the clock

When asked a question, buy time by saying things like, "That's an excellent question!" and "I'm glad someone asked that." Keep rephrasing your delight and eagerness until people forget what the hell you were supposed to be answering.

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Category:

Howto & Style

Tags:

• howcast
• how-to
• speech
• obama
• clinton
• rhetoric

[FreakinAwesomeVideos]

Let me just get my professional speech writer out...

Oh wait.

[orangegold1]

1:43 So when people say they are pro-abortion they are really just substituting anti-life??? I know which side I'm on now!

[Sewblon]

You forgot the Rick Santorum gambit. Which is, just keep stuttering until no one cares what you are saying.

[AlliAmIsDelilah]

cutest kids ever!

[tomintroy]

@acornhead50 Seriously? So you bought that hope and change thing LOLOLOLOL

[AMRiYcad]

Somebody would probably get my vote for ADMITTING their anti-SOMETHING. America is currently run by cowards. _*_

[thechangingcolors]

cute

[MegaMultiBoBo]

Step 1: Bring a cute dog

[TheRealKingMJ]

this is a useless video.... this is what we go to school to learn :P

[PurplexGreenxx]

"Anti-" isn't a waord. It's a Prefix.

[danerdrew]

IS IT IRONIC THERE IS A OBAMA ADD IN THE TOP RIGHT CORNER ????

[videomakingstudio]

thumbs up if you pause the video and look for the highest rated comment