Borderline Personality Disorder-This Is What I Feel [Good Enough]

This is about what BPD is like for me....
A second version of one of my poems about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This has different music, it was the oringal one that I made but for some reason I didn't publish it.

Online blog: http://sotakemyhand.blogspot.com/

Do not claim to own audio (Good Enough -Evanescence)
Comments are welcome but won't appear straight away, by approval only.

Remember That I'm Here:

Theres never a day when I feel free,
Never peaceful, never how I want to be,
What you see, when you see me smile,
Its hiding everything I really feel

Theres pain inside, all of the time,
Pain. Fear. Hurt.
Nothing has to happen for me to change,
Nothing has to change for me to feel so many different ways.

Time wont heal me,
Sometimes I wonder why I even try,
As whenever I do, the fall takes away the healing,
And yet again Im back to where I was before.

All those times,
All those pictures that hold bright, engraved memories,
Theres that smile upon my face,
It seems to be everything,
So why dont I see the best things,
Only I see right through to who I truly know

If only the best times never ended,
Although I never want them to be here at all,
Sometimes I think the world of you,
Other times I dont want to know you at all,
Although there are some people and some times when,
I would fall apart without you there with me.

Please dont forget about me,
My deepest fears are that youll leave me,
That you wont remember me,
That Id take the fall and maybe one day
I wouldnt stand again.

Dont let go,
I love you, I hate you but I need you,
Can you see medo you know that Im here?

Sometimes you know Im around,
Although I really dont know how to be,
What to say, regret and fear, worry and no truth,
What you see, its all lies,
Only I know the pain that I feel every day,
Those days that I am with you,
All that time Im hiding away.

Sometimes, even if I seem to be okay,
You should know that sometimes
I am so near to giving up,
I fall and my weakness shows

Every day this is what I face,
Pain. Fear. Hurt.
all the strength I thought I had leaves me again.
Can you see medo you know that Im here?

The mask is flawless, a strong person stands there but
Im falling apart,
I have no reason,
Then I have no strength,
Only the two colours that I see,
Sometimes its all okay but Im always reminded
Never able to forget

Dont let go,
I love you, I hate you but I need you,
Can you see me
Please dont forget about me

It feels like the weight of the world,
On my small shoulders,
So much to say,
Its easier to stay silent

The times I run away
I forget about all the people that are there,
The people that have promised me they will be there,
That they will never leave me,
I still fear that you will leave me,
That you wont be around,
That you will let go of that tight grip on my hand.

All the times I say that Im so sorry
Think what it could mean.
Take care of what you ask of me,
Because I know that,
The end of lifehas no pain at all.
So I have to let gowhy does the pain have to stay with me

Please dont let me go
Its up to you to keep hold of me.
Remember that Im here.

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• bpd
• borderline
• personality
• disorder
• sotakemyhand

[annagjee]

This video is AMAZING, i have watched alot of Bpd videos and this is one of the best ive seen :D I suffer from Bpd, so i TRULY know how you feel :*

[sotakemyhand]

@annagjee thankyou so much. and i'm so sorry to hear you suffer too :( (hugs) but remember you're never alone with it. i hope the video has helped you :) xoxox

[Rainbows1O1]

this video is very amazing....i know exactly how you feel...BPD...its very dificult to live with..i hate it and i hate that i have it...this video really touched my heart. thank you keep its up??

[sotakemyhand]

@Rainbows1O1 thankyou so much....i know how feel, life is hard with bpd. but, we've got to be strong and find ways to keep going xxx it's easier said than done at times though, i know :'( i'm here for you though if you need me, stay strong :) xoxox

[UsInOnE]

Great video. Could feel the emotions through the whole video. I can relate so much to your video. Thanks for sharing

[sotakemyhand]

@UsInOnE thankyou so much :) it was very difficult to write, painful. but it has helped me & i hope it will help other people too. xoxox

[KalaniStarseed]

@Gezka

I am so sorry, I know how you feel, I was 2 when my mom got my cat Windy, she lived to be 20... I was 21.

I was an only child, so she was like my sister, I love her and miss her so much. She died 3/5/09.

It is very hard, and painful... and I am sorry you have to experience that loss.

[sotakemyhand]

@scabflakes :( having bpd is such a difficult thing to explain, maybe you could ask him to write things down? i know for me that writing is the only way i can try a little bit to explain how i feel. or show him this video or one of my other ones, just let him know that you're there for him & that you'll be there to talk about it if he ever wants to. but you shouldn't push him to talk about it, just for him to know he's got you there will help him so much :) hope you're okay xxxx

[sotakemyhand]

@Alissierrr thankyou so much.........hope you are okay xoxox

[Alissierrr]

This is...soooo so so so beautiful. My video i spent trying to figure out how to explain the unexplainable and yours is so dead on and so intense to watch...thank you