CRAZY CHRISTMAS CAROL - Silent Night, Lonely Night

Parody song. You know someone who needs this. Feel free to share. Lonely people are people too.
Mild sexual innuendo might offend. Part 1 of a series: Christmas Carols for the Newly Single. And notice how I didn't get naked even ONCE for this vid. Funny thing, that. I tried to, of course, but er, my arms seemed stuck. Anyway, Xmas is almost here again. Pfffrrt. I get so sick and tired of being bombarded with Christmas carols and jingles for two months of every year. I mean, WE GET IT, okay. Christmas is coming. You want us to spend our money. You'd think the "funny" dancing Santas, gaudy decorations, and that giant Christmas tree in the food court would be enough to give us all the hint. Or the life-size cartoon plastic reindeers hanging from the roof. Or maybe even that schmaltzy manger scene at the main entrance, complete with an ethnically diverse cast of characters to reflect the new South African zeitgeist.
But no. Because we're too stupid to pick up on these subtle clues, the retailers see fit to start cranking out carols at us from the third week of October. (Whatever happened to the TWELVE days of Christmas. Its become SIXTY.) And because theyre in such a jolly mood at the prospect of the spike in sales generated by a fat bearded guy who doesnt exist and a skinny bearded guy who might have existed 2000 years ago, they cant help but crank the volume up a notch or two. Or seven. And theyre all playing the same fucking CD. On endless loop. (The one with at least three Boney M hits from when Afros were a political statement.) But at different intervals. So I get to listen to a brass band blasting out Oh come, all ye faithful; a reggae version of Marys Boy Child and some wussy fake New England accented, glockenspiel-heavy rendition of Jingle Bells ALL AT THE SAME BLOODY TIME. I mean, Jesus Christ, (to invoke the appropriate deity) do they think well buy more if were DEAF?
And the global financial crisis seems to have spurred everyone on to an even more hysterical level of eagerness than usual. Oh Shit, theyre thinking, maybe the consumer is finally going to come to his senses and pay down his excessive debt this year, or, heaven forbid, maybe even SAVE. Panic!!! How are we going to convince him to keep buying all this crap he doesnt need? Oh wait, I know, well turn the volume up on the carols. Its enough to drive anyone completely stark raving pissing mad. Im going to the BANK to draw WAGES, for crying out loud. I dont need any gift ideas. Tie a ribbon around the bundle of money, if you really want to get into the spirit of Christmas. And attach a cute little card. Better yet, just GIVE me the sodding money, in return for all the interest youve been squeezing out of me for the rest of the year.
Its all enough to drive a man to drink or homicide. The only way I remain sane is to think up lyrics of my own so that I can sing along merrily. Here is one of my darker little numbers.
Lyrics:
Silent Night
Lonely Night
All is calm
The walls are white
And softly padded, for when I get wild
But they gave me drugs now Im like a child
I Sleep in room 17B
Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent Night
Lonely Night
This jacket they gave me
Is awfully tight
I went a bit crazy, so they took me in
They said Im a danger to you and your kin
My sheeeets are stained with faeeeces
But Ill Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night
Lonely night
You moved on
Now my life is shite
But I hope you get lucky on Christmas Eve
When you give my gift to your new boyfriend Steve
S.T,D, S.T.D.s
Sleep in heavenly peace

P.S. Kevin Bloody Wilson is the king of parody songs. He kicks the butt of Weird Al Yankovich. I suppose this was all inspired by hearing "Hey Santa Claus you Cunt, Where's me Fucking Bike" when I was twelve. Yup. Tramatic childhood. That's what happens.

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• Silent
• night
• lyrics
• Christmas
• carol
• words
• changed
• by
• crazy
• man
• straightjacket
• lunatic
• loony
• lonely
• get
• lucky
• special
• gift
• different
• Eve
• STD
• sexually
• transmitted
• disease
• faeces
• insane
• asylum
• girlfriend
• drugs
• and
• shite
• funny
• parody
• song
• singing
• accent
• redneck
• lumberjack

[JoEatsDough]

ur gay

[ROBwithaB]

@JoEatsDough

Sorry to disappoint you.

But keep looking, you'll meet someone eventually.

[HaleyMary]

That was funny.

I think those commercials that advertise products takes away the real meaning of Christmas, like spending time with friends and family.

Good vid. :)

[ROBwithaB]

Thanks.

And hope you have a great Christmas.

Yeah, I'm getting my wishes in early this year.

[wowwowbuggsy]

c0ver y0ur m0uth with y0ur hand

2 make a wish int0 it

3 cl0se y0ur hand {make it int0 a fist}

4 h0ld y0ur fist t0 y0ur heart f0r 5 sec.

5 send dis t0 3 m0re vide0s

6 t0m0rr0w will be y0ur best day ever

[ROBwithaB]

1 0kay, I farted int0 my hand

2 i made a fist

3 what am I supp0sed t0 d0 next?

[rickyibarra]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nabasniks]

So funny ;DD keep doing these videos ;D

[bethulie13]

Very funny, lekker gelag, 5 stars...

[xesiria]

i feel ya but there is always next year.:)