The SideHackers Uncut, 5/9

Taken from an unreleased screener copy. Sorry, that subtitle is there to stay.
For the morbidly curious, see parts 4 & 5.


Released in May 1969 and alternately known as Five the Hard Way, The SideHackers (according to opening credits, film poster, and other promotional materials) is the infamous film that made the cast and crew of Mystery Science Theater 3000 screen all films previous to the writing process. The film's brutality, particularly concerning the death of Diane McBain's character, Rita, was a startling jolt from the usual drive-in fare The SideHackers was created to compete with. Whilst not on par with the highly enjoyable Peter Fonda and Bruce Dern biker films of the late 1960s 1970s, The SideHackers is not entirely a failure. The film features a cast that gives more than you'd usually expect from drive-in schlock. Among them are a manic, scene chewing Michael Pataki in his first starring role as the unhinged J.C. (consider those initials for a moment), leader of a motorcycle gang; and the positively luminous Diane McBain (Surfside 6) as Rita, the doomed fiancée of Rommel (Ross Hagen). Hagen seems to be channeling Steve McQueen as Rommel, a mechanic whose main hobby is the sport of sidehacking, but his major ambition is to settle down with Rita. Of course, that all goes awry when J.C. and his crew enter their lives. Rommel is wholly likeable, albeit terribly naïve, which proves to be his downfall.
Trivia:

Claire Polan who plays Paisley, J.C.s tragic girlfriend, was the actual wife of Ross Hagen. They were married from 1963 up until her death from cancer in 2003.

Diane McBain and Ross Hagen can also been seen together in The Mini-Skirt Mob, 1968.

The soundtrack is a collector's item these days (vinyl only and goes for well over $200) and features music from Mike Curb and Jerry Styner. The cover even features a sidehacker in 3-D!

This film was the directorial debut of Gus Trikonis, formerly married to Goldie Hawn. She was actually up for the part of Paisley, but instead appears as an extra. See that bouncy, long-haired blonde in the crowd during the film's opening? That's her!

Category:

Entertainment

Tags:

• Gus
• Trikonis
• 1969
• biker
• sidehacking
• Diane
• McBain
• Michael
• Pataki
• Ross
• Hagen
• drive-in
• exploitation
• mst3k

[BenVarkentine]

The most horrible thing about that is intercutting it with the chikdren at play...

[TtotheB123]

Ok, now things make a little more sense. They must have flipped when they finally screened this and these scenes came up.

My favorite riff from this episode is in this part.

"Oh magic lock, take me to the freeway!" lol

And remember, only love pads the film.

[alexiaNBC]

@teejaynumber13 I know. She also doesn't look like she was actually murdered. All JC and his crew did was push her around until she got dizzy then she broke her neck against the edge of a crate.

[TomMSTie1138]

@BenVarkentine It's like the infamous child nudity scene in CHILD BRIDES, Completely avoidable!

[ItchythaWookiee]

Yeah, I can see why they cut it. But they could have riffed on the running.

[AshleyMarkPomeroy]

My curiosity is sated. It's not that it's bloody, it's just that it would have killed the riffing stone dead (although I can see how it works as a plot point - the chap isn't just burning with revenge for the wrong done to him, he's forever alienated from normality).

[ShinyNewDonkey]

It's not so much "graphic" as it is overwrought and assaulting to the senses.

[Phobos1313]

@BenVarkentine What a prude. It's far more compelling to have a trigger event than to just watch someone reminiscing. It helps to invoke a sense of psychological pain.

[Kinemacolor]

@composerdoh Everyone says that about everything for the past few decades.

[MysterySTForever]

I think it's the sound that really makes that scene as disturbing as it is.

[ChertotheZ]

For those of you playing at home, Rita is dead.

[Vaudeviller]

That just proves: no matter how bad a movie is, cutting makes it worse. At least cutting some of the very few intersting, important parts. If they'd cut all of the race scenes upto then, it wouldn't have mattered much. Morals are fucking everything up ;)