The Boy Who Wanted To Die - Video 27 A Murder and a Suicide

Death came to visit me early this morning. As I walked home from work I saw a dead cat in the street. I stood there and studied it. It was obvious that a car hit it. For some reason it reminded me of a tragedy that involved two of my closest friends. It was in May of my sophomore school year at Palo Duro High School. I was walking home from school when my friend Leutuvy pulled up next to me. I knew that his girlfriend, Tonya, had just broken up with him. Leutuvy was madly in love with her. Hasakorn, a good friend of mine, was in the passenger seat. He told me to get inside the car. When I saw Leutuvy, I just felt like something was wrong. I could just see emptiness in his eyes. I asked him several time if he was OK. He and Hatsakorn just laughed at me. Leutuvy said that I worried too much. I told him to promise me that he wasn't going to do anything stupid. He didn't promise me. He said, "I'll be OK." Him and Hatsakorn laughed. As we arrived at my house Leutuvy said, "You are a good friend". Hatsakorn just smiled at me as I got out of the car. I told Leutuvy that I wouldn't forgive him if he did something stupid. For some reason I just felt that something bad was going to happen. A week later my friends Sim and Joe who were also close friends with Tonya and Leutuvy came up and asked me if I had seen Tonya or Leutuvy. Sim said, "Tonya didn't go home last night." I asked Sim if Tonya was with Leutuvy. He said, "Yes." I replied, "They are dead. He shot her and then he shot himself." I said it without thinking. That was what I saw in my mind at the time. Joe said, "Shut up. You don't know Leutuvy like we do. He probably ran away with Tonya to Dallas." I didn't argue. We made our way to class. I had a feeling that I was right. I just hoped that I was wrong. I remembered sitting in Geography class when the announcement came on the intercom. Mr. Plumblee said, "We have a tragedy this morning. Leutuvy and Tonya were found dead today." That was all I heard. My head was spinning. Tears rolled down my face. I sat still. I didn't turn my head, because I didn't want anyone to see me. The counselors pulled all the students who were friends with Tonya and Leutuvy out of class. I was the only one left in class. I tried so hard to save him I thought as I sat. I tried my best to get through my classes. After school I was in a daze. Mr. Ambs saw me in the hallway. He motioned for me to come to him. He put his arms around me and held me. There was nothing said. Sometimes the human touch is such a relief. I felt comforted. I felt safe. I said, "Thanks" and made my way home. I saw Sim and Joe in the parking lot as I made my way home. I asked them why they didn't tell the counselor to pull me out of class. They said, "You would make fun of us for crying. I said, "I might be a jerk, but I wouldn't do that." A week after Tonya and Leutuvy's funeral I saw Tonya in a dream. We were in a classroom with coach Camp. She said, "Tell my friends that I am happy. I am in a better place." I hugged her and told her I would. Later that morning, I told my friends that Tonya was in a better place. I didn't tell them that she told me so in a dream. They would just think I was crazy. My friends come to mind often. I think about them and hope all is well. I went back to where Leutuvy killed Tonya and himself ever so often. It was the same place that I go to get away from the burden of life. It is peaceful there. If you ever thought about killing yourself please don't do so. You'll hurt everyone who loves you. Life is unpredictable. It will get better. I promise you that.

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[jhirzel88]

I noticed that you were eating cheetos. I hate eating cheese, but it does work on pasta and pizza.

[Darian03]

I love cheesy snacks.

[jhirzel88]

It was so terrible that you knew that Tonya and Leutuvy committed suicide. You had tears coming down your face, but yet, your other friends were pulled from the classroom just because you would make fun of them.

I feel that there has to be an end to this depression. When is the end?

[Darian03]

Death is the end. I am getting better.