The Aristocrats Joke Contest Entry - 9th Place!

Hey there! My first contest entry, can you believe it? wish me luck!

THANKS EVERYONE! I GOT 9th place! WHICH IS AMAZING!

Here's what I'm saying:
A man walks into a talent agent's office and says, "Hey, have I got an act for you!" The talent agents says "Well, what was is it?"
The man pulls in an old leather trunk, brown and faded from use, through the talent's agents door. It lays on the floor silently as he begins to describe his amazing act.
"Well, first, the curtain opens, and it is revealed to the Old Greek village of Sparta! Yes, blood is in the air and the sounds of metal clashing can be heard in the far, distant background. And there stands the leader of the Spartans! Brave old....name aren't important, we'll come up with that later. Anyways, there he stands all tall and proud, muscles glistening in the stage lights, when suddenly, our favorite crazed slutty popstar comes out: BRITNEY SPEARS. She begins to sing one of her generic pop-vomits about love and sex and being skanky..."
"WAIT!" the talent agent interrupts Are you sure this won't offend Chris Crocker? The last thing I need is a law suit on my hands. Not mention no one needs to hear HIM whine twice"
"Oh, I don't think we'll be hearing from Mister Crocker any time soon..."
(LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!)
"...what was that noise coming from your trunk?"
"Oh nothing....be quiet, or it's the ferrets for you!"
"Excuse me? What was that last part?"
"Oh, nothing. As so, brave, strong what-his-face feels the pain of the audience and proceeds to kick Britney in the stomach and into an endless pit of-"
"WAIT A MINUTE! You stole that from 'Meet the Spartans'!"
"...no I didn't."
"YES YOU DID!"
"Prove it!"
"You were going to bring Parish Hilton, in, weren't you?"
"...damn"
"Listen here, mister, I won't use plagiarized material."
"...okay, forget that then. Here's an even better act!"
"Well, go on with it then, I haven't all day!"
"First, the curtains open slowly to reveal a little coconut under the sea, in the small town of Tank top . Our story begins with a worker at the Crusty Club called..."
"A yellow sponge named Spongebob Squarepants lives?"
"NO!...it's Squarebob Spongepants"
"WHAT? You can just change a few details and call the work your own! That's blasphemy!"
"That's Fox!"
"What was that?"
"I mean...poetic license?"
"Now listen here! I won't be taken for a fool! Either you give me an original act, or I'll have you removed forcibly from my office!"
"okay! Okay! Sheesh! No need to blow a blood vessel over it."
And so, the man goes to open the trunk, lifting open the rusty metal latches. He flips over the cover and stand back. First, Chris Cocker, tied up and with a gag in his mouth feebly jumps away.
"WHAT THE-"
"SHHH!" the man insists, "Just wait."
And almost if by magic, streamers, noises, flags, banners of the brightest shade of red, blue, green, orange, yellow, purple, and even some unnamable sputtered out. Soon, dancers dressed as chicken drumsticks began to can-can out of the box. Soon, a Tim Curry look alike, dressed as Dr. Frankenfruter begins to dance among them, singing an off key version of the pirates of the Caribbean theme, using the word "sweet" for every word. Soon, the scene becomes chaotic; elephants, giraffes, clowns, contortionists, water aerobics instructors, high school lunch ladies, Dr. Phil, monkeys dressed like baseball bats, large pieces of international cheeses, and all seven of the harry potter books fly out of the old trunk. The scene is spectacular; objects flying, people singing, water noodles used as fencing sword, giraffe spit...the talent agent stares in awe at the amazing, indescribable act. The man claps his hands and suddenly, all the people disappear back into the trunk, the lid slamming shut and locking itself. The talent agent sits back in his chair, trying to wrap his brain around what he just saw.
The talent agent says, "What do you call it?" The guy says "The Aristocrats!"
So, the man goes on his merry way, knowing he's got at least a few weeks of pay when an Indian man comes up to him, dressed in a chicken outfit.
"Is it my turn to go on?" he asked.
"Nah, already sold the act without you there."
"But...but...do I still get paid?"
Paid for no work? Are you crazy or something!?"
"But my family, she is so hungry...I come to America to find good job...and now I dressed in chicken suit!"
"That's not my problem, bud, learn to drive a taxi."
"OH PRAVATI! I failed you! I should have sold my kidneys like you told me too!"

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• Aristocrats
• newguywithglasses
• nostalgia
• critic
• contest
• funny
• parody

[fragniz2]

um...this has to be the weirdest video i've ever seen...but it's funny as hell xP

[Evagirl77]

YAY! That's what I was I was trying to do.

[demonslayer112223]

still funny in a random way :P

[Evagirl77]

Lol, some weird random way

[dynamitespoony]

Not shocking, but certainly amusing. It's a refreshing change, and just as good as the other, more obscene versions! Congrats on being in the top 10! :D

[Evagirl77]

Thank you so much~ When I first heard versions of the joke after submitting, I was like "OH CRAP, IT WAS A SEX JOKE!?!?" Thank you so much also for being so nice! If only the other commenters were too ^_^

[daviddemola]

...this is supposed to be an improv'ed joke. I can hear you reciting it.

[MusicForYourFunk]

but your acting a bit childish ... your original comment was incorrect and thats what i was responding to .

and then your response to that was very 7-8th grade .

by the way , this joke is NOT always 'shocking'.

i suggest picking up a book and putting down the video games .

and after reading your channel comments , im certainly not the first to call you a child , you should be used to it by now.

[kingnat2]

Dont call me child.

The joke fucking sucks, its not shocking at all, its just stupid.

[MusicForYourFunk]

good work , child

[kingnat2]

Fuck You.

[MusicForYourFunk]

actually the 'set-up' is perfect : A man walks into a talent agent's office and says, "Hey, have I got an act for you!" The talent agents says "Well, what was is it?"

tried and true and simple .

[MusicForYourFunk]

actually your viewpoint is completely wrong .

The Aristocrats joke is meant to be played with and changed in whatever way in needed to achieve what the telling is trying to achieve .

it's hard to believe that someone could be so jerkish as yourself ... about a OLD joke that has been retold millions of ways .

maybe you should post the link to your version so we can see it ... nevermind , im sure you only have the energy to put others down , not DO yourself .

[kingnat2]

This is fucking retarded, You didn't even set up the joke right.

[lilhatchet2791]

this isnt even close to the idea and context of the aristocrats its supposed to be a family doing the act not celebrities

whoever gave you 9th place should be taken away from the judges seat unless 9th was the last place award and in that case they still should be taken off the judge seat because you shouldnt have been aloud to enter this at all

our only hope is that you tell your life story instead of this in which will be the original context of the joke you wannabe aristocrat

[xcutexchikx]

WOW!!!!! brillaint..not only thing i found funny is your voice mate..and are you a boy or a girl..i cant tell =s retard