Carla - Telling an Infertile Friend that You're Pregnant

June 14-21, 2009
How do I tell an infertile friend that I'm expecting? ~ Lisa

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[5WaitingWombs]

Munamichael and thematrixthree:

While I appreciate spirited debate, there is also a time to agree to disagree.

I've read all 20 comments and still stand by the opinions I've expressed in this video. Feel free to disagree with me, but please stop posting the epic comments on this video and finish your debate elsewhere. ~Carla

[5WaitingWombs]

In my opinion, I think you should tell family that you're expecting whenever you feel comfortable.

If you want to wait until after the first ultrasound or until you're in the 2nd semester or even when you're halfway through and find out the gender, then feel free to wait.

If they get mad, realize that focusing on how long you waited to tell them instead of the baby shows that they're redirecting their own personal issues onto you.

Don't take it personally!

':,*~BABYDUST~*,:'

[Elizabeth01010101]

Very nice tips! I esp. like how you mention to stay away from the "I'm praying for you" comment. As a Christian, I do not appreciate when people throw this comment out at me re. my infertility. Sometimes that comment feels very glib.

[herane05]

I have PCOS and Every time I get excited and tell anyone at all I miscarry so my question is: Is it okay to not tell anyone I am pregnant until after the first trimester, would it be ok to wait until I am between 15-20 weeks to tell or would that upset everyone?

[Venomousnvicious]

My little sister who is not married & in a crappy relationship with a total loser- is pregnant & due around the same time that my bestfriend of 15 years is. Husband & I have been trying for 8 years, suffered through a bad miscarriage... it just kills me. I want to be happy but I just can't... especially when they haven't even tried...it just happened. It sickens me.

[noursette29]

this video made me tear up, we've been trying for 4 years and not long ago my best friend found out she was pregnant (without even trying or wanting to be)

the way she found out? she did the test in my bathroom..... i could see the second line straight away but i had to spend at least 10 minutes convince her she was pregnant, showing her the line. i can still hear my self repeating it to her: you're pregnant! i promise you, you are pregnant....my heart breaks just writing it =(

[TheSuperApril]

Carla, I have one question for you. Now that you have Hannah and have experienced your dream...do you feel bad that you didn't really participate in your SIL's pregnancy...did you expect her to participate in yours? Just wondering.

[laurettabear]

cont from above. I think one of the best things to do is to share earnestly and straight forwardly. Make sure your friend understands that you "get it" if she's not super excited. Tell her that you want to include her as much or as little as she is comfortable and that you never want her to feel bad to say she can't go to that baby shower, or that she doesn't really want to hear about your baby plans. Be careful not to assume that she won't want to be a part of any of that either.

[laurettabear]

One thing that was super annoying to me when I was TTC was people telling me things like "Don't worry, your time will come" or "you're young, you still have plenty of time." ESPECIALLY when they just found out they were pregnant. I know people who said these things meant well, but I didn't know that my day would come. I want many children, so the fact that I'm "young" wasn't an encouragement to me. ..... (cont)

[babygirlmd15]

honestly if a friend is a friend she will be happy for you not wanting you not to be pregnant just becasue shes not

[imopman]

We have this in our family and I want to thank you for your courage in sharing this difficult topic.

[munamichael]

Agreeing to disagree is a wonderful idea!

In my opinion the beautiful thing about humanity is that we all have unique opinions and experiences. As demonstrated by the video and subsequent responses.

Thank you for sharing your opinions through text and video ladies as it always provides a great learning and self reflection experience for me.

Baby Dust to all those TTC and Positive thoughts to all!

Muna

[munamichael]

I appreciate where you are coming from and have empathy for your experiences.

Once again I ask you to re-read my posts. I was very careful to use words like MY and I ... I was speaking about MY feelings of jealousy.

It would be a large assumption on my part to assume that people, regardless of their fertility share my views just as it is a large assumption for you to assume that I mean ALL women with fertility issues are jealous.

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